Agnostic.com

22 1

Dating with Kids

Does anyone else find it difficult to date with kids. I didn’t see this being such a challenge. Is being a single dad that big of a turn off?

  • 5 votes
  • 22 votes
  • 27 votes
TheLizzard 4 July 16
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

22 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

10

I married a single Dad and eventually adopted his son.

7

I have always been attracted to men who are kind and caring with kids, especially men who can laugh and enjoy silliness.

4

I think it is more and more of a reality in our society. And depending on the custody arrangement it can have its moments of difficulty but in the end it usually depends on how open the other person is to juggling schedules. Frankly I find it more difficult to date a guy who has dogs.

For the record, I don't have dogs and still found your comment pretty funny ?

@IamNobody Thanks Henry. I bet I'm gonna take a beating from the dog crowd. Oh well, I can give them quite a few reasons for my comment. I just can't do dog dating.

The guy I'm seeing hates dogs. He's foreign and not used to dogs in the house. He spoils my dogs though - and the whole time he's complaining about them!

@Crimson67 exactly!!

4

The kids age is less of a factor than the kids themselves. And maybe even more importantly, the current relationship with the mom. Hostility and really challenging kiddos are tough on relationships. I don't mean like disabled kiddos, but super spoiled or kids that are angry dad is dating make it hard, as do exes that are bitter and/or vindictive.

4

It's not just about having kids or not having kids. It's just like everything else - if you are in two very different places in your life you probably aren't going to be compatible.

I have a 12 year old son so I would love to date a guy with kids. We would be compatible because he would understand what it is like to be a parent and the restrictions it places on a relationship. It's like anything else - someone who is retired and wants to spend time traveling might not want to date someone who works 60 hours a week.

I'm sure there's plenty of moms with kids who would want to date dads with kids. And probably plenty of women without kids, too.

Hihi Level 6 July 16, 2018
4

It really depends on the age of the kids. If they are teens or older, no problem. But trying to date a man with younger kids - I'll pass, thanks.

GwenC Level 7 July 16, 2018
4

I have definitely found as a single father of 3 kids that finding people to date is super difficult. I'm no Brad Pitt but I would think I could find someone. No such luck. Six years and counting.

I am inclined to agree.

3

A lot of the time, single parents don't try to deal with crossing their dating lives with their kids until a relationship is stable, which is better for the kids than a series of strangers moving in and out of their lives. Kids complicate the dating process, and since a lot of people pursue relationships with the desire to be someone's top/only priority (which is often a toxic monogamous thought pattern) can't cope with the idea that they have to be someone's second or third priority after anyone or anything else, even if it's someone's children, who should ALWAYS be the top priority.

Honestly, if you can't handle being a secondary priority to a life or lives the other person helped create and is obligated both by law and by biology to protect, care for, and teach, you shouldn't date a single parent. It's that simple.

3

As a single father who has had bad experiences with women; I am particular about who I date in the hope of protecting myself and my son. But most people in my age range have older kids and maynot want a younger kid around.

I am open to dating others with kids, but not from the aspect of being in the "new dad" situation. That situation is reserved for a more committed setting.

3

It would depend on a lot of factors. The ages, as likely many have already said. Also, the relationship with the ex, if one exists. I would not consider getting involved with anybody who does not have a cordial, kind and healthy co-parenting relationship with the other parent.

I don't have a good relationship with my ex but that is by no means my choice. He has aspergers (I am convinced, since my son was diagnosed), and is almost impossible to communicate with since the divorce.

@Hihi There are always going to be variables and exceptions - especially in the scenario you describe. When somebody has a medical condition that makes communication difficult, that is very different than one or both parties thriving off contentiousness and drama. Know what I mean?

@BlueWave what's funny is I get along great with his girlfriend!

3

My kids are 19 and 17....I’d have to seriously think about seeing someone who has kids under the age of 12

2

I will never date kids. That's sick.

1

As a mom, I think single dads are hot AF.

1

Since I have kids I kind of prefer to date guys with kids too. They understand that my kids will always be my priority.

Carin Level 8 Jan 21, 2019
1

Not enough options, merely having kids or not isn't a deal breaker for me. Although I understand why other people wouldn't want to date people with young kids, especially if you're older or already raised several children.

Children's behavior, the dynamic between child and parent, family dynamics are important for me.

I got along great with my last GFs kids, family...heck I'm teaching the youngest to drive bc I have a spare car and I really adore her.

My only other serious relationship since my divorce, the daughter was blunt that her mother shouldn't date. It wasn't me, but the 17yr old girl was really offended by the idea Mom would date. I could deal with that, but the power mom gave her over two adults was a factor in the break up.

I've been on many dates with single moms, if the dynamic isn't good or the child's behavior is extreme I won't date them but overall single moms seem to be a little more serious about life and might make better partners.

1

I've no children of my own but find that nearly every woman in my dating pool has them. So if I don't want to date a woman with kids, my options are really limited.

It is a screen of sorts -- one woman and I were attracted to one another but she could never get her child care situation in order enough to go out on a date. Her kids constantly demanded attention, she got no support from their father, and didn't seem either able or willing to get a sitter. I was patient with the situation for as long as I could be but eventually had to move on because I was getting only apologies and no dates. It didn't end in an ugly way, but I've not really seen nor heard from her since.

Another woman and I dated wonderfully. She got some support from her ex and parents and at one point hired a sitter, so she could be free to see me. She took some care to keep her dating life separate from her child-raising life, which I thought was a good call for the child's sake. I felt special and wanted because she went to that effort. It wound up not working out but for other reasons and we're still friendly, just no longer romantic.

The woman who got it together was younger and made less money than the one who didn't. Their children were roughly the same age group -- all of them were 6-9 years old so far as I could tell.

1

I know it's harder for me because my twins are terminal and women are reluctant to share this lifestyle with me. I'm not bitter about it though.

I'm so very sorry....

@Carin Thank you. They're seven and a half now, five years more than the doctors predicted.

1

Age of children is critical. My son is grown and been independent for years and I work with children. I do not want to spend time with children when I’m in my on home.

1

Depends on the age of the kids. I never had children, right now I'm taking care of an 83 y/o child and it's not a good experience. So young children are out of the question and due to experience 16-18 y/o children are problematic as they are becoming adults and want their own space/privacy/social group and are rebelious to most any authority figure.
Looks like I'm stuck with my dogs. Oh well, we are happy with one another.

1

I think the problem may be YOU are looking for a date but THEY are looking for their first/next husband and you having kids is a problem for them in their search for a perfect husband. I expect guys have the same issue but most of the time we're looking for a good time, not a long time, so the kids are just a small issue.

0

As long as the parent doesn't expect me to have kids or adopt or pay for theirs- I'm ok. At least, if I ever start dating again.

0

I'm pretty sure it is against the law in most states. Maybe not in East Texas and parts of Ky, Miss, and Ala. ☺

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:132754
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.