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Sexual relationship or relationship with sex?

Do most guys just want a sexual relationship? I actually want a relationship with sex. I've had a friend who is an atheist for several years now. We've been out several times over the years, as friends. I've often wondered if we'd be good together romantically. Recently we started talking more and things got very flirty. We agreed that we should get together and see what happens. We went out and had a really nice time that ended with some pretty nice kisses. Later he basically told me that her was only interested in a sexual relationship with me. I won't bore you with those details. I was a little bit shocked to say the least. Am I just that out of touch? Is a sexual relationship all guys want?

Alliegirl 7 Jan 6
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42 comments (26 - 42)

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1

it's not just men but id like a relationship with sex really but I would just have sex but it's not my ideal. I like your friend's honesty and your both grown-ups so if you need to scratch an itch maybe you should but it might change your friendship.

1

Is the M word taboo ? One song in my repertoire is Frank Sinatra Love AND MARRIAGE Love AND MARRIAGE go together like a horse and carriage THIS I TELL YOU BROTHER you can't have one without the other.....horribly the song was made Infamous Fox TV sitcom MARRIED WITH CHILDREN

1

Okay You say he has been a friend for quite a while. So you know you get on...yeah. Your looking for something more but he says sex is as far as he wants to go...yeah So a FWB or FB is a goer...yeah Where do you imagine the romance will come from? You did not fall in love from the get go? He did not make a move on you? Men want to be loved, if you end up having sex do think he can curb any emotional ties with you? Men arent that good at emotions. To be crude ,suck it and see. I have had 3 long term relationships and 2 of them started off as one night stands. Love requires a leap of faith. Men say we just want sex like women say they just want a GSOH. Its a lie used to cover up our real wants.

That's an interesting take. "Suck it and see" if he falls in love with you. Methinks that's all kinds of setting oneself up for nothing emotionally pleasant. But, what do I know?

@BlueWave Women seem to want guarantees in a relationship. There are no such things. Yes he may say all he wants is sex but then women say they want a GSOH. These are both lies we tell ourselves. All love has its emotional minefields. The guy obviously enjoys her company. Likes to spend time with her. Thats a head start on an awful lot of marriages.

@Kreig Sorry but those general platitudes are more reminiscent of "good girls dont" Sunday school doctrine. I have lost count of the relationships I have come across (including mine and my families) where it just happened one night. People are not often clear about what they want to themselves let alone others. For example, A chap meets a late 30s single woman (a la Bridget Jones). She is unlikely to admit to herself or him, that she`s really looking for a father for her as yet unborn kids before time runs out. Just as he is unlikely to admit that he wants really a replacement mother, even to himself. So he acts the Don Juan. Then they both fall in love

1

Some yes, some no.

0

To me, the question is more about individuals. I don't date all or most women. I date individuals, who are different from each other. Sometimes I feel a connection and sometimes not.

Sometimes I feel a sexual attraction, emotional, or an intellectual one. That's what dating is for, and frankly it can be a mixed bag.

I guess that I am pretty selective, and also I don't have the ideal combination of physical traits that attract a lot of potential mates, therefore I have not had many partners. (3)

I am an emotional creature and want intimacy more than just sex. I don't favor having a set of fixed rules and a playbook. Each relationship is complex and requires something different.

Dna and reproductive success aside, aproach a potential partner as a unique and beautiful person who may allow you to share some part of themself.

Enjoy what is given and only take what they share. Even if it is only a few minutes or the excitement of a shared moment.

I love everyone I have loved, but some have moved on in other directions.

0

Different guys want different things with different people at different times. There have been times when all I wanted was a sexual relationship; there have been times when I wanted more. Honestly, it mostly depended on what was going on in my life at the moment.

0

I'm on the fence about this one. A younger me shortly after my divorce was just interested in a sexual relationship. The current me is just looking for a friend that shares my interests, feelings and affection. Sex would be involved in any relationship I pursue because It feels good and I enjoy the emotional connection I get with my partner but as I'm approaching middle age it's gone down a rung or two one the ladder of importance. Especially since I've been without for about two years now.

0

Sex is like mathematics. "ADD the Bed, MINUS the lights, DIVIDE the legs and begin to MULTIPLY"

hahaha thats why I love SCIENCE more than MATH way back school days.. therefore; not all man are up into Sex as not all man likes MATH...LOL

0

Be glad he was honest... finding honesty is truly refreshing. Like you, I want more than just bumping uglies 😛

0

That boy has no clue how lucky a man he would be if he respected your relationship potential rather than his penis professions. ...this one is only a tiny bit more evidence our patriarchy keeps boys in the dark away from our natural Feminist heritage. ...real men want mutual love giving not compartmentalized fucking

I guess Im not a real woman then >_> Like come on, everyones different. Dont give into the stereotyping bullshit mindset.

@Neraven my message to Allie your reply to it ??? No stereotype applies here. ....real commentary on real dialogue. ...Feminism embraces all lifestyles of all women LGBT and beyond excluding misogynistic male entitlement

@Neraven Gore Vidal praised "the idle encounter of JFK" and himself with gay men

0

pretty much. hopefully you have more to offer that will bring out the best in us

0

I suppose it depends on the guy. I think, though, that there's more going on with your friend than he's letting or, or even that he knows about himself. This isn't about you, it's about him. And that's neither good or bad, it just is. We're looking for people who are comparable with who we are, and for some reason, that seems hard to find. But that doesn't mean it's your fault. It means that you're seeking someone who shares your values.

0

It's all in the chemistry. I can be friends/friendly towards anyone, but I want to have sex with someone who enjoys sex and wants it.It's been part of an evolution of thinking. Are we really hard wired for monogamy, or is it just society pressure? I've had sex with a number of women over the years, what's the difference when that was happening, other than the obvious emotional reactions.

I just want sex to be a good time for all involved, and still be able to have a relationship where things don't go weird. At least that's in my head. Outwardly, we all bend to expectations.

0

First, you have to figure out if there is any such thing as romantic love. Given that 50% of all marriages end in divorce and many of the remaining marriages are not happy unions, if there is any such thing, it is very uncommon. I have concluded that the myth that our society thinks is "love" is more likely consorting pairs, driven by nature and hormones, unwitting players in nature's plan to propagate the species. Given my solitary nature and how annoying living with a female can be, my ideal state (if I were young again), would be serial monogamy...with no marriage, ever.

0

That's all HE wants, and thankfully he was honest with you up front. I'm not a man, but I read a bit -- it seems by the rate of marriage, polls, etc. that men like being married/coupled.

0

Well talk about blueballs if he isn't fapping at home or banging other women... friends for years and only wants sex with you?

Something doesn't add up to me...
I'd stay friends since you already know his intentions unless that's all you want as well.
Once you give it up, don't count on him sticking around as friend after. My 2 cents on it.

0

FWBs are ideal

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