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Dating a Theist

I have been asking around a little and I wanted to know what other people think. If I am agnostic, would dating a Christian ultimately lead to us falling apart? Yeah all relationships are different, but won't the religious aspect of the relationship get in the way? I feel that if the person was a devout believer, then they would truly believe that their partner would have to be as well, right? There is this one girl who I am interested in, but she is heavily into Christianity. I still feel like I should give it a try, since I find her to be a really interesting and cool person. What do you think I should do? Thanks!

Wesgreene831 4 July 22
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34 comments

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3

Everybody is going to have different levels of tolerance towards atheism. I never worry about it much and it only becomes a problem when someone makes it a problem.
I think children may complicate the relationship more if you have different ideas on how they should grow up

3

Meet the parents ASAP -- as an open unbeliever -- and see how they react. That will give you a good preview of what you're in for. If they blow a gasket or throw a rod, then the best case scenario is they'll (wittingly or not) do their best to drive a wedge between you and their daughter; or, it may reveal the young lady's real concerns, which she may or may not be repressing at this point.

Many women think they can fix or save or change their man ... the evangelical version of this is that they can convert you into the "godly" imago (idealized fantasy partner) that they carry around in between their ears.

3

If a couple have a strong relationship then religion should not matter. Its like trying to change your partner when it was their present behaviour attracted you in the first place.

2

I think it would depend on the person you are interested in and their willingness to give you a chance. If you are capable of sharing time with someone who has a different belief system, she may be capable of it too. You could always just ask.

2

I dated a "Christian." (Funny aside: as a closeted atheist, I went to church and led hymns and played violin for several years, the whole time we dated--while he never so much as prayed, AFAIK. But he was the "Christian"...) We never pushed our respective beliefs on each other. It was never an issue. We broke up for other reasons.

Although, when I heard him say that it makes him "angry when atheists celebrate Christmas", I really began to have doubts about the future of our relationship. Like, you're a Christian in name only, and you have the temerity to decree that Christmas can't be a secular holiday? GTFO!

It doesn't always have to be a thing. It wasn't in my case. Besides, "Christians" are supposed to love everyone and judge no one.

2

Like any differences - it's all a matter of how much weight you choose to place on an issue.

If there's respect, acceptance, and an agreement to not go there - maybe.

2

If she's "heavily " in to her faith your chances for success are low to nonexistent. Christianity is a proselytizing faith. If she's that into it, she MUST try to convert you.

2

I am dubious. A nominal theist, maybe. But if they are devout, they will believe it their mission to "save" you. Worse, you will end up talking past each other on a variety of topics.

2

If you don't try it, how would you ever know. Try it, you might like it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

2

youre 18 man(according to age beside name) these are the years to try anything go for it at the best it might workout at the worst you will get a story to tell 👍

weeman Level 7 July 22, 2018
2

I really loved this gal. She ended up dumping me for that reason. My jackass room mate spilled the beans before I had time to tell her. Only time a girl broke my heart. If very religious you can try, but don't expect for your heart to not be shattared into a million pieces. Voice of experience. My Mother is Catholic. She was married to two Muslims previous to my dad (who is also Catholic). Needless to say the first two marages didn't work.

That's why I got away from athiesm. Not because she broke my heart, but because when we were together I'd get up for work and think to myself "there must be something out there". So I consider myself spiritual.

2

I tried. It's the concept that my world reality and her world reality are on 2 completely different levels. After awhile the tolerance seems to fade for that being around that stuff when you know better and then you become somewhat disgusted with the other living in a fantasy world.

2

My last Three Christians girlfriends in a row dumped me, because I could not be save.
I respect and accept Religion , although they don't accept me. Many would call me agnostic, when it comes to being on the page as the bible, I'm not even reading the same book.

I find a Christian love priorities are different.
Their ultimate love is their Lord. Second is their Christians family and kids. Somewhere their love priorities for me is third or fourth . When my lover is my first Priority for me.

1

A cultural Christian sure. A church going bible thumper hell no.

1

My ex is very religious. (we didnt break up because of it). We just understood that we both see the world differently and it does dictate a lot of our decisions. We were understanding and we didnt horn in or mock each other for it.

Cosmo Level 4 Aug 16, 2018
1

Completely your choice.

For me: I believe a positive relationship should be based on mutual respect and honesty. As an atheist, I can not respect a person who bases their belief system on the dishonest premise that faith (belief without evidence) is a methodology to determine (Truth) things that are testable and demonstrated to be correct with evidence.

A few months ago a rather hot and interesting woman was interested in me - - sharing a glass of wine in my formal dining room - - I made it very clear that I am not a supersisitonalist and do not respect those who are mired in the intellectual quagmire of faith over facts. She became sad and responded - - But I'm a theist.

I would rather live alone then live with a woman I could not respect.

1

Does she accept you as you are? Even when I was a Christian, sometimes dating a Christian of another denomination was a problem.

1

I've only recently deconverted and my spouse is still very Christian. It isn't easy, at least right now, but it is still working, so that is hopeful. If you can avoid a mixed marriage, that's one less thing that can cause conflict. Though, mastering one conflict together can also teach you to manage other conflicts.

In a more general sense, it really depends on the dynamics. If you're not heavily anti-theist, and she's a more liberal or "cultural" Christian, there's a good chance it can work, especially if her family doesn't really mind you being agnostic. So, considering that there's an emerging massive gender imbalance between religious and non-religious (female/male, respectively), it would be a good idea to have some openness.

That being said, if this girl really is "heavily into Christianity", I would be very careful. That religion has land-mines against non-believers that it embeds into the minds of believers. Fortunately, a lot of believers are better than their religion.

Still, try to understand her perspective as best you can, and also look for signs that she is really interested in understanding yours. And when I say understand, I do mean in such a way that will at times need active, verbal communication. That will be needed to bridge the gap.

Best of luck! And if this one doesn't work out, you've got many more possibilities to look forward to.

1

Really appreciate all the input and stories you guys had shared. This helped a lot. I think I will try, because I won't have learned any more about myself not trying, and who knows, maybe she would be really accepting. Thanks everyone 🙂

But how could you respect someone who believes that, as a non-believer, you will go to hell? And that she "accepts" that that's ok?

1

Lots of great thoughts stated here. Rather than rehash them, let me just add one more. Guess what your kids will be taught!!

With my religious ex, we just agreed that we wouldn't bring it up until they were older and they could make their own decisions. We didn't have kids, but the kids we took care of and asked about religion, we explained that everyone believes in one thing or another and it often affects their decisions. Then we would say that those types of decisions should be theirs alone when they are mature enough to understand the gravity of their beliefs.

1

I really don't see any relationship like that enduring.
That's just me though.

1

Open communication and respect is key in relationships, but even more important when mixing belief systems. It is possible for a lasting relationship with this in mind.

The only way to find out is to take a chance and try.

1

My response was going to be nuanced until I read "heavily into Christianity." I can't tell anyone else what to do, but for me that's a deal-breaker.

1

Don’t drag her down

1

Gracious no, LOL!
But if you are asking us, most likely you've already made up your mind to try, so good luck with that.

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