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How do you say you love some one without them thinking you want to marry them?

I have a really good friend. He thinks that every time I say I love him, it's because I want him to love me as a girlfriend or otherwise.

As a humanist, I have always looked at the good in people and I love people, but not all of them I want to have a committed spousal like relationship. I just want to love them as a friend and decent human being.

My free thinking friends, how do I share my friendly love and admiration for a person without making them feel awkward?

As always, thanks in advance.

Chilton704 5 July 24
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44 comments (26 - 44)

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1

Simply... definition of variables of love come first. There is a number of women in my life I love but I never wanted to marry them... I know I could had back then but was never my intention. I am sure they are grateful for dodging the bullet. Explain what loving someone as a human is... loving as a friend means. Love is never having to say I own you. The days of looking to marriage as a ownership certificate has arrived.

1

I mean if you feel passionately about letting people know you love them then I say go for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong..maybe just mention to him that when you say I love you that you mean it in a brotherly sisterly way. Essentially, friend zone that ass so it clear.

Jjones Level 4 July 25, 2018
1

Actions speak louder than words. If you continue to have contact, laugh, talk and have fun together, then say things like, "I really enjoy our time together." Don't bring up love, it has too much baggage. You can make someone feel appreciated without using that word, and you should use the words "friend" and "friendship." Use compliments.

1

Be honest and explain the difference.
If they still don't get it, it might be wise the remove them from your life. No matter how much you might care for them.
If they don't understand you can love someone without being "in love" with them, they're aren't likely to let the notion go.
If they can't let that notion go, there will be hurt feelings and the friendship will likely end anyway.

1

I agree what you have stated. I tell them up front that I am not looking for a relationship, I am not looking for a commitment, I have no interest in marriage or have anyone live with me. I am here for friendship ONLY and to see what can happen, nothing more. I would say that I "love you" as a friend but I am NOT "in love" with you.

1

We males often need it plain and simple. No explanations (as in excuses)are necessary for saying SEXUAL INTIMACY AND MARRIAGE ARE OUT OF THE QUESTION. Follow it with 'if that isn't acceptable to you, we cannot develop a friendship either.

If he/she accepts it, what a great foundation!

1

Spit don't swallow .....

Simon1 Level 7 July 25, 2018
0

I don't use words. I do things that I know they like.

0

Buy them a box of nice cookies (or something they like) instead of verbalising it.

0

That's on him and sad if he can't comprehend that there are alllllll kinds and levels of love.
If it bothers him that much just stop saying it I guess.
If that were me in this situation I'd be upset they didn't know me well enough to read my tone or know how I am.

Qualia Level 8 July 30, 2018
0

Like a brother sister love not a rip off your clothes love?

0

I love them by trivial affections. some people do big things once a year. i like to do little things everyday

i did not read the story....just saw the headline and thought we were supposed to comment lol....im new.

In this country it's hard to distinguish the difference between friendly love and passionate love with the opposite sex.

0

How would I say that?..let me think for a sec here..... How about "I love you but I don't want to marry you"?

0

You didn't clarify whether he was on the positive or negative receiving end of that sentiment? Is he scared of the words and the commitment that he assumes from them, or are you scared of the commitment he wants to impose on you?

Hihi Level 6 July 25, 2018
0

You have to take children off the table, then pay your fair share of expenses. This will give you the indepenece you need but allow you to enter a relationship as more or less a business partner.

0

Explain to him that you do do feel a deep emotional connection to him and that you do greatly enjoy spending time with him -- but that this does not mean that you are driven to have sex with him. Or, if that is the case, that you have chosen not to act on any sexual thoughts.

0

It seems that you would have to judge that on a case by case basis. It probably wouldn't be wise to say love without first having developed an open and strong relationship. If your friend is misunderstanding your feelings you should stop using the L word with him.

0

if you have explained in the past then he isnt listening however if you havent maybe next time your with him and a couple of other friends steer the conversation onto how you feel about friends etc so he doesnt feel that it is just about him if thats what you are trying to avoid

weeman Level 7 July 25, 2018
0

I always say that I love them as a friend.

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