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Do any of you know the old jokes about how many people it takes to change a light bulb? It started with how many Californians?
Please add to my list...

How many Californians? A: 8 - 1 to change the bulb and 7 to experience it.

Oregonians? 12 - 1 to change it and 11 to fight off the Californians trying to experience it.

Software programers? None. That's a hardware problem.

New Jersians? That's none of your damn business, buddy.

Astronomers? None. They do it in the dark.

gorillas? Just one, but an awful lot of bulbs.

astrochuck 6 Jan 10
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21 comments

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7

Ok I really dirty one...
How many perverts does it take to screw in a lighbulb? Just one, but it takes the whole ER team to get the bulb back out. 😛

How many friend zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They'll just compliment it and complain it won't screw

Sacha Level 7 Jan 10, 2018
7

Narcissists? One. They hold the bulb and let the world revolve around them.

6

How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light bulb? A: A fish....

3

Not a joke... true experience. First time I met the grandmother of my GF that eventually became my wife. It was 3 generations of those ladies, grandma, mother, gf. They asked me to change a light bulb. Took two bulbs because I dropped the first one. Grandma was "Oh dear he can not even screw a lightbulb, do you really want anything to do with him?" Every time they could they will remind me of the experience. Never was asked to change a lightbulb by grandma or mother again, the jokes they came in with about me. My experience.

3

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. The problem is getting the flies into the light bulb.

3

An old one:

How many Microsoft Engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Bill Gates will have darkness declared the new standard.

3

Question: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

2

Oddly enough, I was the 1978 winner of the Village Voice light bulb joke contest.

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't worry about it, I'll sit here in the dark...

@astrochuck How many saphists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny.

2

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They're never in the dark.
A: None. Atheists question whether it's really light anyway.
A: None. Atheists never "see the light" anyway do they ?

2

How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

2

How many republicans it takes is none, they will never see the light,

EMC2 Level 8 Jan 10, 2018
2

Glad someone can tell jokes-terrible at it.

1

How many mystery novel writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way and one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

1

How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to say "It's filamentary!", and the other to get off his lumen arse!

0

How many safety inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb ? Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.

0

Of course, we could stick with a religious topic...

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against
spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three
committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad
and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the
drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or
completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or
tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring
bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review
church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?

0

Question: How many moms does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Don't you worry about me, Dear, I'll just sit here alone in the dark.

0

Question: How many Conservatives does it take t change a light bulb?

Answer: None. They'll just sit in the dark and blame Obama.

0

How many women does it take to change a light bulb? Can't be done, women can't change.

0

University of Iowa freshman? None, it's a sophomore course.

0

Hahaha, brilliant!

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