I sometimes asked to speak at various organizations. Last week I was asked to speak at a friend’s church. While it was fun, I think the Head Pastor’s notes were a little uncalled for.

Apparently, there are Ten Commandments, not twelve; there are twelve disciples, not ten; and their names are Peter, James and John, not Peter, Paul and Mary.

Christians don’t refer to Jesus as the late J.C.; and Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior and Little Spook. They don’t refer to Father God as Godfather, or Jesus and his disciples as JC and the Boys.

At the Last Supper Jesus broke bread and said, “take and eat.” He didn’t say, “Eat me.” … I knew I should have said David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, not “stoned off his ass,” but it had already slipped out.

They were intrigued by my idea of a drive-thru confessional, but didn’t like the name: ‘Toot n’ Tell or Go to Hell.’

And ultimately, I messed up the last announcement. We were having a taffy put at St. Peter’s not a Peter pull at St. Taffy’s.

My bad!