I think we all do a dance together and when someone doesn't want to dance anymore or steps on our feet or isnt a good dancer or danced with someone else when they were to just dance with us...we blame and resent them and worse..our next dance partner seems like the last one with a different face because saying I forgive you just means it is your fault I feel this way and I can't trust anymore etc ad nauseum.
So my take is don't blame anyone else for how you feel. We are human and often arent in our best form and dances end. If you don't blame them, No need to forget it- it was just an event of many in our life and you can think of the contribution that dance made in you life or not.

I can let go of anger when wronged (forgive?) as it's harmful to me and has no effect on the wrongdoer ....Forget the lesson ...never

I can, and glad for it... Carrying the hurt and anger does me no good...so yes I can

We can forgive. But I do not think we can forget. Nor do I think we're supposed to. Some things stick with us forever. If someone we dearly love says something that breaks our heart, we may never forget those words, though we have long-since forgiven the person who said it.

When someone does something to undermine our trust, it's best that we keep that in mind until we know if it was by accident or if it is a character flaw.

As to forgiveness, I forgive for MY sake, not for the other. It's been so often said, holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

In 2010, my best friend and his partner were murdered in their Miami home in cold blood. Only this year was he finally sentenced. I will never forget this. But I have a few more years left to go without him. So I deal with the resentment, the hatred, and, most importantly, the "need for closure." Just because he was sentenced, doesn't mean it's over. He has a shit-ton of appeals, and this guy is going to use them all. He has absolutely not remorse for what he's done, and he's gotten sick pleasure out of how it has affected the rest of us.

And then there's the third aspect. I can still hate this guy... with the hate reserved for the creators of Barney, but still forgive. It's about ME... I have to deal with these emotions or they will eat me up.

To me, forgiveness is the equivalent of removing the poison from my body... or as much of that poison as I possibly can.

I have had plenty of reasons to forgive and forget. But if it's a big hurt one never forgets no matter how one tries and that hurt will always be there. Many sayings revolve around the words the best revenge is a good life. "Life is about revenge, and the best revenge in life is keep living and being successful. Making the people who hurt you pay for what they have done is only an optional." (I don't believe it should even be an option).

When one lets a hurt fester one is only setting them self up for bitterness which, in turn, only harms oneself. I was married once to a bi-polar woman who had lots of 'scenes' and eventually started having affairs. Then she kidnapped our daughter and tried to make me the fall guy. Years elapsed and I often hear about her from my daughter and have even offered to get in touch. She has declined but I now know she is unhappy and cannot hold a job or have a meaningful relationship. Other relationships came and went (one of whom, she and I are best friends after 20 years) and I could be bitter but refuse to do so. Finally, my last relationship brought all my, living a life to the fullest, belief to fruition. It's not about forgiving but not letting past hurts destroy you; it is simply pragmatics.

This is not my kind of music but I thought it was appropriate so will share it:

ditto

I suppose you don't put yourself above Satan.

I don't forgive much. I think being so willing to forgive only serves to make us susceptible to being hurt by the same people again, or the same situation.

My take:

"I forgive you" = "I do not resent you."

"I forgive you" =/= "I trust you; I'm not angry about what you did; I was not harmed by what you did; I'm not going to mention what you did; everything's going to go on like nothing happened; I'm going to forget what you did."

The holy roller in my life is always shaming me for "not forgiving", when what I'm really doing is calling people out when they violate my boundaries, or regarding people as untrustworthy on account of their track records. "If you don't forgive, God won't forgive you!" ...as if an all-powerful, all-loving parental figure needs to make a petty contract like that.

I'll take "Mentally Healthy Relational Tactics" for a thousand, Alex.

forgetting is almost always a bad idea.

I don't hold grudges. Wasted energy. I forgave my dysfunctional family after an inner child class. I forgave my ex for not paying child support - he later became my caregiver and cared for my home and animals when I was going through cancer treatment.

Despite my reported high I.Q., advanced age, and an advanced degree, I have never understood the process or the meaning of "forgiving". The meaning of the word is completely lost on me. If someone does me wrong, I am very aware that they are more likely to repeat the act than someone who has not transgressed against me. Therefore, I logically apply due caution to any further dealings with them. Nevertheless, I would like someone to explain the process of "forgiving" to me inasmuch as it seems to make no sense.

Forgive yes, but not forget. Also, not for every infraction. I will never forgive my ex-husband for physically assaulting our son and sexually assaulting our daughter. In fact, when he died our son and I bought pizza and celebrated. That's one less asshole on this earth.

I don't believe in turning the other cheek. as it gives rights to people who should not have them. That said, it depends on the hurt given to you. I tend to go with Kipling on this. "....being lied about don't deal in lies. Or Being hated don`t give way to hating. Nor look too good or talk too wise".

PS. it was if not written by the Romans they were it`s demographic.

My cheek always been protected by my two fists... since I realized that as a child I had a condition that made me bleed if hit in the nose. I made it a habit of throwing the first punch because once I bleed I will hear the, he broke your nose. Funny a kid that never seen blood before gets really scared when his opponent bleeds. Yep, I could get home with blood in my white shirt and nothing to it, I could say I got hit in the nose playing. Seems that leaving god behind cured me of that condition. Ain't that some shit? I never saw myself as violent or hot tempered, to me was a matter of you ain't bullying me and I was willing to raise you and call your bluff. Many of my fights happened in basketball games later on. Contact sport after all. The turn the other cheek was never part of my plan. But the least baggage you carry... the farther you will go my friend. I live ignoring a lot now. Not worth the trouble anymore. Out of my system.

Yea buddy. Feel the same way!

My ex wife did some horrible things I'll never forget, but I had to forgive her for my own well being. It was eating me alive. I used to be minding my own business (this was many years ago) and I would get an image in my mind of her sitting on a railroad track unable to get her car started, and a train coming along and wiping her out in a huge fireball.
I couldn't live like that. A friend told me, I should forgive her, and go on with my life. I made a conscious effort do do so, and it worked wonders for letting me take control of my life again.
I know your mileage may vary.

Awww hell brother. I'm with you on this. It depends on how much they hurt me. I think people make mistakes and its good to hash it out and get past it.

Agreed completely. I'm not really a believer in "forgiveness" per se. I think you either get over something or you don't. Forgetting is not an option. Forgetting means you're going to allow whatever the offense was to happen again instead getting out in front of it and doing something different to keep it from repeating.

I feel you brother, I am the same way, but I am trying let things go. It is hard for me to forgive someone who hurts me. I think it is because I am someone who goes out of my way not to hurt anyone, and when someone does it to me it is hard for me to forgive and forget. If they do it once they will do it again is my thinking.