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Boyfriend is agnostic, I'm an atheist. How to cope with disagreements?

So lately, I have been discussing my views with my boyfriend because he's one of the very few I can open up to about being an atheist (due to living in the bible belt and having many religious friends). When it comes down to our difference in views, we begin to butt heads a little because he seems to lean towards the Christian view of a god being the cause of the universe and has no logic to support his argument. I will ask, then who created God or what could his origin possibly be? And he will say nothing, just that God was the beginning of everything. Then he will try to backpedal and say "only IF there is a god would this be the case" but it's obvious he believes it or really wants to. He grew up with a dad who was Jehova's witness and a Catholic mother so he was influenced probably a lot more than I was as a child by religion. I know it can be difficult to let those ideas go but what bothers me is that he defends the ideas with no logic. He even defends the bible as being a good guide to life, NEVER HAVING READ IT. I have, as I was forced to attend confirmation classes, and I suggested he do so before we discuss it. He says he won't. I love him but this is so frustrating. Obviously I feel it is easier to have a relationship with someone who is agnostic than a religious person, but does anyone have suggestions for how to have these conversations without letting the differences come between a couple? I really appreciate any advice.

TaliaElizabeth92 5 Oct 18

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237 comments (226 - 237)

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In my house, my husband and I do not discuss religion or politics. We each know how the other feels about certain things and we respect each others feelings. Those subjects don't have to be discussed. It really is that simple.

Good response!


if he also has conservative and/or authoritarian tendencies, votes repugnican, etc...if you have options you may want to consider them. If instead he seems to understand and practice inclusive morality etc.(recognizing rights and identities of those different, like gay marriage, for example) may want to put up with it. There are a few good theists out there...but usually the brain that goes theist has some other judgment issues on unrelated things. That's the whole point. Of course nobody is perfect that's why I say you have to weigh the entire person. If they are reasonably psychologically healthy and able to function well in a committed relationship with you, that is worth something.


Well I sppose you both could die, see whose right, but you're right there is no empirical evidence of God or an afterlife. However I lean towards the idea that life, the struggles we go through, the heartache, the suffering, there has to be point to it all and there has to be something beyond the world we see, why every human, for the most part, has an innate desire to do good, at least when they're young. I know there's no proof of a God, but to me, at least, seeing the Good humanity can do and the desire for it, it drives me to believe there's something more and the suffering of mankind isn't for naught.

But more on your issue: If you two can't get along, maybe it's time to split or just avoid the issue, really depends on how much you two value the relationship compared to the disagreement on this point.


My wife is a non practicing catholic and believes in God . I am an atheist.We except each other’s beliefs but some times we will have heated discussions .In the 35 years of marriage I have actually changed her from believing in the catholic beliefs .The best thing to do is try to avoid the subject like I do and except the person for the good qualities and moral beliefs which have nothing to do do with religion ,God or non belief in God or religion


Agree to disagree at the end. Discussions don't have been disagreements, just a difference of opinion. He don't know he's right, hence being agnostic?


Everyone's missed the obvious answer. Tell him to go to Hell. LOL


I think you have the answer yourself, right in your question. Agnosticism is a belief that we do not have the knowledge of the existence of god or the nature of god. "Knowledge" being the key world here, in my opinion. From what you are telling us, he doesn't only not have the knowledge, nor he is trying to discover the knowledge on the subject. He also leans towards Christian views (according to your statement). In my view, that is not agnosticism, that is ignorance. If he possessed the knowledge or logical explanation of his views there is something to talk about. He has a pre-programmed blind belief system due to his environmental upbringing. Its a system that is based on blind faith and does not encourage questions or self-discovery. Your first challenge would be to have a conversation about knowledge and the power of making informed educated decisions. You have to have the correct tools for the job. He has been given ineffective skill set. If he is not willing to take the time, hopefully, together with you, to dedicate to growing his knowledge bank, which will irreversibly effect his perception one way or the other, than he is not willing to grow mentally. Best is to start focusing on both sides of the information and have discussions, however he has to be willing to grow and expend his inside world. You have a tough road ahead. Good luck. Hopefully, what ever his beliefs are, they make him an overall happy and fulfilled person. If he is not, you have even a tougher road ahead.


get personal identifier tattoos..that way if ya grow senile together your won't forget yer chosen spiritchewall bearoacrassy lables...

grant Level 1 Nov 14, 2017

Stop talking about religion and spirituality and agree to disagree.


Find a person who is also an Atheist. The first thing I find out when meeting a person is his/her position on God. If the person is a believer, I excuse myself (restroom / a phone call...) and I never return.
Yo start a relationship with a believer is not one of my goals.

If both individuals except each other’s beliefs it will be ok . But in some cases this difference in opinions can lead to major problems .To me this is not a deal breaker ,it’s the person that counts not ther religious proclivity .This is just my opinion .Every one has to follow their own intuition


I really don't think it's an easy way. Bc, even though they have not read it, they believe it whole heartedly.


He seems like a closet theist. Sadly it is a disaster waiting to happen and he may well like you for all of the reasons guys initially like girls, but when it comes to a long term meeting of the minds, well.... So I hope this is me just looking at the downside and actually it all works out for you. His answers are very suspicious though.....

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