I hope this isn’t true. As someone who has unfortunately built up some walls over the years, I would need someone to stick around long enough to build the trust up to break through my emotional blockades. I’m not sure my first impression is the true representation of who I am.

Probably why I’m sans partner.

Not knowing either of you, I can't really say. I tend to go a lot on my intuition.

Not to me. Every exchange let's me see who they are. Anyone can have an off day or a great day. Neither is a real representation of who they really are. Consistency is what I go by. To throw my two cents in regarding you dilemma Dating is a little different. Intuition and chemistry is what I go by. Intuition helps me see their intent, and chemistry helps me feel a connection. Sounds cheesey but that's how I roll.

Please don't tell me you think once you find that quality you can refine it and shape them into the person you want.

That rarely ends well. If ever.

First impressions are a single sample, personally I wouldn't draw a conclusion on one data point. However, it sounds like you have more than one data point, it maybe time to draw a conclusion soon.

You deserve someone with more than one redeeming quality.

no. i do not ignore first impressions but i try to be open to correction if i've caught someone on a bad day or misunderstood them or misassessed them in some way. however, if someone continues to be obnoxious, that's not a first impression anymore and warning bells should be going off in your head. if you have a towel, throw it at him.

g

If you thought he was obnoxious and you still are questioning it three dates in, I'd say go with your first instinct. Move on to someone else. Don't settle for less than someone who you like from the beginning. Also.. Hi, I'm Darin. ?

There's a quote I like that goes more or less like this: if a person tells you who they are -- listen the FIRST time.

Are you ignoring red flags? I might give a guy a second opportunity, just in case date #1 was a "Bad Hair Day" for him, but unless he completely erased that bad first impression, there probably wouldn't be a third.

On the one hand, it's a known fact that people tend to make snap judgments and then adhere to them despite contradictory evidence.

On the other hand, three dates does not a snap judgment make. You've given the guy plenty of chances to show he's a diamond in the rough and he's still surly and obnoxious. You've also stated the classic love-goggle stance that it's your job to dig out a hidden gem and polish the turds off of it.

Run, do not walk, for the exit, my dear.

The importance that people attach to first impressions is somewhat akin to judging a book by it's cover.

Wow..you certainly are trying hard to stay in denial. I don't give rude people a second chance. If I'm not impressed the first date, or there's ANY hint of unpleasantness, then it's "This isn't working out, " and I'm gone.

Cool. I didn't read much past first impressions can be overlooked

I hope women don't judge me based on the first impression as the first impression is when a woman walks up to me surprising me followed by a jump and a little scream like a little girl and the exclamation of, geez you scared the crap outta me. I recover pretty quickly but there's no denying or forgetting that little display. ?

Good question; first impressions can be misleading ; it really does take awhile to find out everything you need to know about them and what makes them “tick” ; the human psyche is rather complex but rather interesting none the less.

so 3 dates in and still surly and obnoxious ? what advice would you give a friend or your child in this situation? 1 bad date can be overlooked maybe, after that someones not making an effort .Personally i would cancel the date 1 redeeming quality will not make up for generally all round poor manners,opinions and surlieness

Can't judge a book by looking at the cover.

I'm not sure that all of us have "redeeming qualities." I'm not very exciting, for example. I don't lie and I'm consistent to a fault but I am not exciting. Date me and you might find I'm more like an old shoe. I couldn't go for surly and obnoxious. You shouldn't either.

Just seems to me that you are spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.