Well, keeping things a secret is different from not telling things in the first place. I believe if someone is a respected- and self-respecting individual, he or she is entitled to have its own space, physically as well as mentally. A woman that is forced to have sex with her husband, will be the victim of rape if he doesn't respect that. Married or not, he doesn't own her. If someone puts pressure on someone else to reveal "everything" from its life that he or she is not willing to do so, is actually also raped mentally. The fact that you both decide to share a life together means that both expect to gain pleasure from the individuality, personality and character of the other by sharing their lives. If one or both "partners" start to invade these qualities by demanding things that exceeds the things that the other is willing to share, shows that he or she does not respect the other. It is the beginning of the end of the relation, because it violates the free decision to share the other's life.

Love all the shared perspectives. Agree with many. I didn't pose the question as anything other than a topic of discussion.

Two that get me judgemental are:

1. We have to put on a common front / opinion for the children...utter nonsense do you think children have difficulty at their first school learning that school rules are different to home rules?
2. I own you. No you don't. You own the right to be consulted on all major issues, you own the right to expect me not to have sex with another without first obtaining your agreement, you own my protection of you, you own the right to expect me to try to do my best for our relationship. Equally I expect to be given the same respect.

Hell... whose pure or what ever that means? We all got some baggage about us. I don't want to know all about my wife's two other marriages or boyfriends. I told her if she's a felon then let's get honest about that. Other then that... it's her business. Hell ... we're in our 50's when we got married...lol... we've been around and seen a lot.

So many great responses! I suppose I should have been more specific regarding the disclosure of issues which would directly affect a partner. I didn't mean that it's okay to withhold pertinent information.

I agree with you. I think it's important to share whatever one believes is important, relevant, and which will foster greater understanding of the person, etc. And, this is all assuming the parties feel emotionally safe to do so. I think if somebody thinks something is irrelevant and will only be fuel for judgment or misunderstanding or assumptions, there is NO reason to bring it to the table. Or even if it is an experience that one wants to "leave in the past," I don't think it needs to be brought up or discussed. The exception to this, for me, is if the something in the past has the potential, however slight, to affect the other person in any way, it needs to be talked about.

If somebody ever demanded "Tell me EVERYTHING about you and your life -- the good, the bad, the ugly, things you usually don't talk about, etc. -- just don't leave anything out. That's the ONLY way we'll ever be able to trust each other and be close." To me, that would be a red flag. I believe we all have a right to individual autonomy and privacy - even in relationship.

Things like a criminal record or communicable diseases should be declared by both men and women
Unresolved issues which were repeated in previous relationships will come to the foreground sooner or later and then it is up to you to decide whether or not such issues can be resolved or if you should call it a day and move on.

I am inclined to think that those who expect a partner to tell them everything about themselves are those who have had some disastrous relationships, why else would they want to know everything?

I expect transparency on relevant subjects and anything else, she can either choose to tell me or not. Either way, I'm an understanding person. I don't judge. I've done some terrible things in my life that I'm not proud of and would prefer not to talk about them. But, if she was to ask.. I'm going to respond.

Withholding information on a pertinent subject is a big deal.
Example: I was dating this one girl for a year...
And the whole time, unbeknownst to me...
She was married and had a kid.
When I found out, I confronted her about it calmly and she disappeared on me.
Yeah, I had suspicions of her for the year... But I ignored it. Should have listened to my instincts and investigated sooner.

Judgmental people
are difficult people to live with -- and not worth the risk.

Relevent things should be upfront; stds for sure, major criminal record, intentions for relationship, things that would affect relationship, neat stories and things about you that show them who you are as a person. Intentionally twisting things or lying to keep someone with you is usually bad. Anything else I guess comes out over time good and bad.

Honestly, I don't really care about someone's past. Everything we've done and experienced is what brought us here to who we are today. However, some things do need to be expressed if they are still current issues in your life. My ex failed to tell me about the other personalities that lived inside her. Then, when I started discovering their behaviors, I was supposed to let that slide because it was someone else and not the person I was with. Uhhhh....Nope.

I may not volunteer everything, life is limited, but am honest if asked, any question.
I expect the same.

I'll share what I feel like sharing, when I feel like sharing it, which calibrates my level of openness. (@nipoleon covered the essential bases nicely.). I have no right to place expectations on another person's level of openness. They'll respond to my openness however they respond, which I hope would mean freely and naturally setting their level of openness wherever they prefer. If our levels are in sync or at least harmonious, huzzah! If not, I'll ask for what I need to know, when I need to know it (and I'm not a needy, jealous, or suspicious person so that's pretty chill). If our levels are too far out of phase then we probably shouldn't be close.

TL;DR:. I'll do me, and you do you: if we get along, great; if not, oh well.

"Everything" about oneself is simply impossible to tell, because none of us perfectly and thoroughly understands even ourself. Besides, such a tedious task of listening To it all at once would surely drive absolutely everybody away.

To the extent we understand that something about us might impact our partner, we absolutely should share as best we can. It is always a navigational judgment call as to WHEN to share WHAT. Impossible to explain yourself all at once.

I think a person does have an obligation to share legal and financial issues which could affect a potential partner. Certainly one would want to know if someone had large debts or legal actions against them.
I would also want to know about unresolved relationship issues which could involve me. No one wants to deal with a potentially homicidal ex-partner sneaking around.
The number and frequency of sex partners, I'm really pretty easy about. I really don't care how much sex a person has had in the past or how many people they've done it with.

Dangerous territory here.
Being in another community that is very cautious and will "sleuth" people think if the detail affects the other person and the information is withheld that compromises the relationship's stability.

There is such a thing as lying by omission. If that's being a judgmental prick so be it.

I'm a very private person when it comes to certain things. I do share quite a bit but there are certain things that other people don't need to hear about and I have no interest in sharing. It is important to share as much as you can but it's not fair to ask for every secret. Besides what's fun about a relationship without a hint of mystery?

Judgemental is not useful in any of our developmental process...you can't always know without some experience with a person...but once is enough, if they are judgemental.