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Men who cannot express their feelings

"Did you miss me?" I asked merrily. A man of few words, whom I have dated on-and-off for three years, stopped by.

Inevitably, I get frustrated by his poor communication skills and break it off. He is unable to talk about his feelings.

"When you are gone, there is a hole in my life, and a hole in my heart," he replied.

That was poetic. I don't want to read too much into his words. Some may guess he loves me. I assume he's lonely.

His actions do not show that he cares about me. He often disappears for weeks on fishing trips, and doesn't call or reply to my texts. Radio silence. That feels awful.

That's the trouble with men who can't express their feelings. You're left guessing.

Why do I keep trying? I have a high libido and he is an extraordinary lover.

"This is against my better judgment," I said with a grin, crawling on top of him naked. He laughed. Then all hell broke loose.

LiterateHiker 9 Oct 8
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30 comments (26 - 30)

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1

Interesting thread. I had a flame do this exact same thing. I always felt pigeon holed. There’s some great dialogue here.

1

Maybe he didn't miss you, but lacked the courage to say so. That's a communication problem related to honesty, not necessarily a lack of ability to express his feelings. Also, maybe you should show him the door and lock it behind him. But to make a good assessment, I'd need to hear his perspective too. In any event, good luck. Relationships are hard.

1

Is it all about men who can't express their feelings? Or does it have more to do with women having no romantic interest in men who actually can and do express their feelings?

0

I firmly believe that actions do speak louder than words and his actions would suggest that he's not all in. Your profile states you're open to meeting men, so you're not all in either.

So, are you frightened of losing what you do have? If he rocks up, says something nice and you end up in the sack, where's the motivation, for either of you, to make this any different?

Have you broken it off? Does he know/think you've broken it off? Has it been broken off before and then started up again?

I would have thought that the very fact you've made this post would suggest you, at the very least, have some unfinished emotional and possibly physical business.

There's lot of details missing to really know the whole deal but essentially if you put a bunch of ingredients together and they make a cake then if you put all those ingredients together again, in the same way, you'll end up with the same cake. If you really want something different then change the ingredients.

Maybe what you have is safe, maybe it's what you want, maybe this whole dynamic is exactly what makes it work (the way it does) Only you know for sure. 🙂

@ipdg77

Yes, I have repeatedly broken off with him.

He knows I am meeting men through online dating, looking for a man who is more compatible.

Sex is a powerful draw.

@LiterateHiker So it's all good then?

@ipdg77

No. I get frustrated with the way he disappears on fishing trips with men, and does not call or return my texts. Radio silence.

This is hurtful. Although I have talked with him about this repeatedly, he falls back into the same habits.

Earlier this year, he asked:

"Do you want to be my f-ck buddy, girlfriend or wife?"

Although I chose "girlfriend," nothing changed. Radio silence continued.

@LiterateHiker So there appears to be an imbalance here. You want more and he doesn't appear to. If you were given choices, and those were the three on offer, he doesn't give a shit. At the moment you're a fuck buddy, so you have a choice. Stay that way or bite the bullet and bug out. But if the sex is that good and you don't want to give it up then you're going to have to compromise, or more to the point keep doing the same and put up with it.

@ipdg77

You are right.

0

To answer some of your questions, I explained more in my post.

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