The minister and your dad must have had some relationship, so respect the minister's visit for that alone. However, it made your mom happy, so that's even more reason to accept the gesture. You are in control of your dad's life, he is still living it. This isn't really about you, so you don't need to own it. If you hold service for you dad after he passes, be kind and share the occasion with everyone who needs the closure for themselves.

I went through the same thing with my mom. As a long-distance observer, I think the minister visits gave her comfort, though she was not a strong believer, rather, she too was a cultural Christian. Personally, I was very happy that she (nor my father, who passed 8 years earlier) did not want any kind of service. So it was just me and my brother putting the urns in their final resting places.

my father passed on 3 years ago. He was never religious. he was not brought up that way. He had a PhD in electrical engineering and always seemed very anti-religious. Despite this as he was dieing he .came to trust the minister of the church that my mom sang in the choir of. As a distant observer of living 1100 miles away, I thought this as being odd, yet respected it. It seemed to me while my dad was in hospice care that this minister was able to provide him with peace and in the grand scheme of things I appreciated that. Despite that, it was a weird service for my father when this same minister took my father's passing as an opportunity to preach about Jesus rather then rememebr the person who was my father. I found that irritating and not really what what my dad would have wanted. .

If it is just you there, you can tell them to come back at a more appropriate time. However, if your whole family is there, you should go with what your mother wants. But when it is your time alone with him I would feel free to boot the minister.

You need your time with him...politely say that...I want MY OWN TIME ...hope it helps...and sorry for your pain

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through.

If the minister's visit provided your mom and sister a measure of comfort for a little while, your self-control would be a gift to them. Maybe if you try to see it from that perspective it might help to alleviate your frustration.

not easy to answer

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Your hurt is natural, just be with your Dad and allow others the same. There is little that you can do about them and you want to honor your last moments with your Dad. The minute I read your story, I remembered the death bed story of Tomas Paine, one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence. Another member of Congress, who was a preacher, came to his deathbed and knowing that Paine was a non-believer his whole life, was there trying to 'save him!' These people are lacking in respect for others...not like them! You are your main concern at this moment, just be...that is all that can be done now. I care.

The theists circle like vultures at the hospital when people are the most vulnerable. I recall being sick once and replied no thanks to an offer to 'visit' with me. He looked very shocked and hurt I refused. That fantasy world they live in is annoying sometimes; I wonder if they get paid by the hospital?.

Let your mother have her way. This is really, imho, not your decision; and your father didn't even know she was there, right? So, why upset your mom? Just to be clear, though, was the minister monopolizing the visiting time? If so, that's different.

Tough call. The peace of mind of your mom and sister matters too, but honoring what your father would have wanted comes first I think. He might have wanted it just for their sake. But I’d set a 10 minute timer.

The minister might stay an hour, probably less. You have the other 23 hours. Focus on that, give your dad every bit of those 23 hours.

I'd have told her to get the fuck out.