I would never have this problem because religious beliefs are illogical. If it doesn't make sense it is easy to discount. For me anyway.

Yes, of course I understand. What has helped me is replacing the god idea with just feeling your own beingness inside of nature. You can feel a presence of just being. Look into mindfulness exercises. We can get those wonderful feelings of nature, reality, existence, etc without believing in an imagined god.❤

It sounds to me like you miss the community but struggle with the belief system. Church does a great job of creating a social club where you can find like-minded individuals and engage in activities that benefit each other and the community. I guarantee there are other folks that feel similar to how you feel but either not enough or simply can't break away.

Either way I'd work to fill that hole with other projects, hobbies, activities, or volunteering. Many of the same things you get in the church you can get outside the church, just not all in one place. Whatever you decide to do, it's good to have you and thanks for sharing. Feel free to chat here if you've got other questions, these folks will always have opinions.

You're grieving your former self. I've recently learned that grieving is not saved for death. You need to identify that you've lost a part of your former self and accept and go through the steps of the grieving process. It may seem silly to consider it grieving, but try. Allow yourself the feelings and work though them. I whole heartedly believe you will come out better in the end.

When I first acknowledged that the god I'd been taught to believe in couldn't possibly exist, my first feelings were that God had betrayed me. Which was super weird because I was feeling like a being that I knew didn't exist had betrayed me....

Religion messes with your head. You will work through these things over time.

No, I haven’t. This isn’t an all or none scenario.
You e been raised religious. You don’t have to cut ties. Give it some time. You are breaking up with Jesus and God. That will take time, don’t rush. You won’t have many people to talk to about it unless you go to college. There you will likely find mass hordes of non believers. Normal transgression don’t sweat it. It’s a Brave New World.

I find the power of the secular world is the mind’a ability to relate to those with unrelatable beliefs. Find the common vocabulary of experience and substitute that for the superstitious. You will get through, and be smarter for the challenge.

I went through this as well. I spent several years in the Assemblies of God church. I've always had questions about god, the bible, etc., but I really fell for it. Went to church three to four times a week, bible class, played in the church band, made friends, everything. But it seemed like the deeper I got into the bible, the less sense/logic it made.

I'm not exactly "out" with my atheist feelings, although my wife knows how I feel, but she claims to be Christian/Catholic.

We all have to decide whether or not to believe in a supreme being or whether we are here by simple biology. It gets easier.

Once the doubt set in, I discovered the evil bible [evilbible.com] website. Very thorough and mind-opening when you start reading the things in the bible that the churches don't usually teach...take a look!

One thing I missed after I left church was the community. I was able to find a different community outside of church. It is easier in a large city, and the internet has made it easier also.

My best friend has been experiencing the same thing. It’s an existential crisis. All his life he was told he should be a preacher but now he’s an atheist and he’s really struggling. His family is still religious including his son. He’s figuring it out. I wonder if you should see a counselor to sort things out.

I don't think I went through an existential crisis as it were. Once i had the epiphany that the bible was made up by humans, for whatever their purpose, that was pretty much all it took.

I applaud your openness. You need to discuss this and get it off your chest.

I have seen this quite often in new deconverts. Leaving the faith represents a loss of some positive things, as you've pointed out: whatever real sense of community / common cause / refuge you had from it; the automatic directionality and purpose given you, without you having to conjure it for yourself; the assurance, false as it was, that you were "in the right" (rightness, as opposed to goodness, being a major emphasis of fundamentalism); friends and other social supports you have likely lost at least in part (e.g., your mother).

This seems like a high price to pay to the new deconvert. And it many ways it is, at least in terms of how it feels.

I had almost the best-case scenario as my exit happened at a time when my extended family was not part of my daily life or in close proximity such that we saw much of each other; my wife was un-threatened by it, which is unusual; my children were both out of the nest and pretty much out of the faith themselves; we had drifted away from regular church-going due to severe illness in the family; my parents were dead by the time I was fully "out", etc.

Even so, I spent many years adjusting my daily thought-habits and routines and figuring out what I could legitimately believe based on actual valid evidence, what I could not have a supportable view on due to lack of evidence, etc. What does one replace prayer with as a response to anxiety or worry? What does one say as an unbeliever in the face of grief and loss? Now that I don't have to toe the "party line" on the alleged evils of science and reason, what do I now think of these things? What do I simply do with all my free time now that I don't attend a minimum of three church services a week -- and how do I not feel guilt over it? There are a thousand such questions.

The best I can say without getting long-winded is that while this is a big job, it is finite, and it is doable, and eventually, it all comes together and gets better. It is much like any other major life change; at first you're at loose ends, but eventually (and unevenly) it becomes your "new normal" and it becomes familiar. Be patient with the process, and with yourself. What you're feeling is normal, and you won't always feel this way.

Oh, and I see you're quite young -- that helps a lot, too. I was in my late thirties to mid forties when I was sorting all this out for myself, and I had a lot more habit and a lot more disappointments to deal with.

I'll leave you with one thought top-of-mind. A lot of Christianity is learned helplessness. And a lot of freeing yourself from it is discovering that you're far more capable than you realize. You don't actually need all the little fallbacks and crutches. Your faith has denigrated your ability to reason, your ability to behave well / be good, deeming it "mere human" attributes and filthy rags when in fact it was all you ever had to begin with. Realize that the church has chronically taken credit for your talent and efforts on your own behalf. It does not actually serve as mediator of god's power and love and protection (since, as you now know, god doesn't exist to begin with), so what was responsible for the success and endurance you've had until now? That's right -- it was you anyway.

It's sort of the reverse of that old campfire story called "footprints in the sand" where someone goes to heaven and is asking Jesus why was there only one set of footprints in all the darkest hours of his life? And Jesus says "that was when I was carrying you". Well, no, your first impression was correct -- that was you carrying yourself; the other set of footprints never was actually there at any time.

Yes and no. I never felt cut off from my friends - because my friends were never particularly religious. And those that were - were tolerant.

I did have to figure out what there being no god(s) meant to me. And it was a process. (And I feel into the woo pile for a while - as some do. Some go sort of "religion lighter".).

My parents were always concerned how I would "make do" without god.

Turns out I did fine.

I just didn't like the illogic of "Because god says so". That was way more distracting that anything I've done to compensate.

Hang in there!

If you need new friends I'm sure you could post about that too. All sorts of non-religious places to do that. Especially at your age.

Dear imahermit,
You are entitled to feel any way you feel, and yes, this is a great place to share. Smart young woman!

I never went through this, so I can't offer any personal advice, but I heard a podcast recently and there was an author 3/4 way through it who is a therapist for people who are leaving the faith. Her name is Marlene Winell. She has a website and books. She's awesome. What you're experiencing is called Religious Trauma Syndrome. It's very real, and entirely common.

Seth Andrews: Religious Trauma Syndrome -

Her website is journeyfree.org/rts. She says it's not that easy to unprogram, but it happens. I think you'll relate to her. This is a little from her site:

*Religious Trauma Syndrome has a very recognizable set of symptoms, a definitive set of causes, and a debilitating cycle of abuse. There are ways to stop the abuse and recover.

Symptoms of Religious Trauma Syndrome:

• Cognitive: Confusion, poor critical thinking ability, negative beliefs about self-ability & self-worth, black & white thinking, perfectionism, difficulty with decision-making

• Emotional: Depression, anxiety, anger, grief, loneliness, difficulty with pleasure, loss of meaning

• Social: Loss of social network, family rupture, social awkwardness, sexual difficulty, behind schedule on developmental tasks

• Cultural: Unfamiliarity with secular world; “fish out of water” feelings, difficulty belonging, information gaps (e.g. evolution, modern art, music)

Causes of Religious Trauma Syndrome:

Authoritarianism coupled with toxic theology which is received and reinforced at church, school, and home results in:

• Suppression of normal child development – cognitive, social, emotional, moral stages are arrested

• Damage to normal thinking and feeling abilities -information is limited and controlled; dysfunctional beliefs taught; independent thinking condemned; feelings condemned

• External locus of control – knowledge is revealed, not discovered; hierarchy of authority enforced; self not a reliable or good source

• Physical and sexual abuse – patriarchal power; unhealthy sexual views; punishment used as for discipline*

From Me: Kayakwoman

You're still young, so you have every chance to heal from this. I would recommend that wherever you go for college, there will be college therapists who specialize in the kind of adjustments all freshman make when leaving home. Don't hesitate to walk right in and ask for help. That's why they're there. They love to help young people because you have so much potential to heal and really become your best self!

One thing from me, personally: You can make your own promise to yourself to always be your best advocate, and trust your own instincts, and always do what's best for yourself. Part of the religious conditioning starts with undermining your own confidence in your own powers: So, I'll just say that I believe in you, not imaginary spooks in the sky. You should believe in yourself, too!!!

BIG HUG!!!

You may have already been asked this and answered it, so if you did I apologize, but why did you leave your faith, was it a realization that came to you that there are no good reasons to believe or was it something else and do you still kinda believe a little?

These may help...(also see many of the posts here, as many have & are going through the same things)

My son, have you been introduced to the Flying Spaghetti Monster? He was boiled for your sins and his noodly embrace will feed you with maranara from heaven! Praise Cheeses! OR perhaps Dudeism is for you. Whatever, man.

But seriously, there is a blog on Patheos.com; "Ignorance and defective thinking styles lead to religious superstition." #38315

Its natural to feel an emptiness after leaving the Church. It will get better.

You are going through the classical existential crisis. You are realizing that there is no external force to provide you meaning and answers. You feel alone in the universe and realize that on other person will ever really understand you. But, that is okay. You are free to define yourself and to create your own meaning and understanding. You are free to choose and forge your own path by your choices and actions. Bu,t you are also responsible for your own choices and actions and their consequences, for in each case, you could have chosen otherwise.

It is time to celebrate your freedom and to simply move ahead -- not to be puzzled and overwhelmed. It is up to you -- and no one else.

I would bet that some of your church friends have serious doubts as well (at least the intelligent ones). you can at least come to terms with your true feelings & leave the hypocrisy behind.

I dealt with something similar. But it all fell away when I asked myself if I would prefer to be (not) protected by a comfortable lie or face uncomfortable truth??

Sorry, I never experienced what you are going through. Maybe it's because I've been a pretty solitary individual most of my life. The church was never about community for me. Hopefully you'll glean some insight from these comments and eventually get past this.

Yes, I found that losing my faith felt almost like a bereavement. I knew for a long time that the Bible made no sense and that religion was more about people and control, than God and answers. After I finally admitted to myself that my belief was failing I felt guilty and lost.

I did feel like I should replace religion with something, but I never found that something... And after some time, I found it no longer needed replacing. I just healed.

It was, however, a while before I felt like my social life had recovered. Sadly most of my religious friends couldn't let me be an atheist... And I found it harder to not try to save them from the church, so eventually I lost contact with most of them. I have wonderful friends now, that I made naturally in the course of life. Some are believers and some are not, but we met outside of religion, so it's never been a defining factor in our relationship.

My advice to you- don't feel like you have to be happy about leaving your faith behind right now, it is hard when you have had a life intertwined with it. But, don't be afraid to look forwards, you will feel better in the future, and you will slowly meet people who are friends with you, not your belief in God. Eventually you will love your freedom of mind, you will wonder how you ever lived under the shadow of faith. You will find a beautiful world of people who want to live for life's sake, and not just for the reward of death.

I think you're grieving hon, for the life you had, and that is to be expected. How couragous you are. Be kind to yourself, be patient. It will get easier.