.....and let me also add, that anyone who criticizes someone else's cooking, no matter how it tastes, is just plain rude and an ingrate.

The fact that you are able to figure out why you are attracted to certain kinds of people, is a total positive.
More power to you

It depends on the environment that one grow or the set of people you grow up with. For me, i use to have an asshole dad who always insults and abuse my mom. That's one thing i will never forget.

The small hurts we all get over. The big ones, like “never good enough” we don’t get over so well, at least without a lot of effort. I’ve been in a boat similar to yours and broke up with a woman who reminded me of my mother for much the same reasons you dumped Stuart. I would do the same thing. Hugs.

Stuart is a mental abuser and will eventually do worse to make himself feel better. Then he'll beg your forgiveness. Dumping the chump was the right thing to do. Yes you are “wonderful, kind, gracious, intelligent, beautiful and funny.” You deserve only the best.
Those childhood insults stick with us. My dad was in his 80's and told us that when he was in early elementary school, his chorus teacher told him that he should be a listener not a singer. He never sang after that.
Children of abusive and alcoholic parents have a tough row to hoe.

More of an observer than a participant in relationships lately, their dynamics continue to puzzle me.. And as I age, as well as those ‘age appropriate’ to me, the layers appear to compound…

It’s astounding how simple, even childlike our responses remain to love. Situations we’d find appalling on a professional or once-removed level are tolerated far too long. I suspect some of us are just that easy to read.. My last serious r/s was with a borderline personality disordered individual. She no doubt read in me ‘a child’ conditioned to tolerate anything, thus piled on..

With experience, as mentioned by others ..we’ll begin to spot them sooner … as their damage adds to damage from the past making us ..too fucked up to function? I’m actually laughing. You’re too cool to take shit, so don’t.

You can think of it another way. Rather than not being able to get over childhood hurts, you learned from that experience that it feels bad to be treated poorly and you shouldn't stand for it. You will better off alone until you find someone who treats you the way that you deserve to be treated.

It's very sad to hear stories of people who don't appreciate what others do for them. You've made a good decision here. Don't let anyone dampen your wonderful and kind spirit. Don't stay with anyone who makes you feel less than. Your partner should lift you up not put you down. Be happy!

I think all our experiences shape us. The lucky ones have more positives than negatives and perhaps some inborn resilience. I too had a ridiculously negative father. He was also emotionally distant, as was my mother. I still struggle with not feeling deserving of a happy existence.

I don't think we fully get over it. There's healing, perhaps a scar. The best thing we can do is be aware of the hurts so we can recognize when we get triggered, when something someone says or does is bringing up an old wound or not.

Go with your feelings. You did good!

Several points:

#1. Lovely photos.

#2. Decades ago a hurt woman that (despite almost a decade of great sacrifice on my behalf) I failed to save, moved out of the state, I was left to analyze why I wasted so much of my life trying to help her emotionally recover. After moving to a different town, it took months and hundreds of hours walking alone at night to figure out why I did what I did. Managed to figure out my character flaw, (placing others needs above my own) was cemented when I was very young: similar to your back-story with a darker undertone.

So to answer your question, " Do we ever truly get over childhood hurt?"

I wold say no.

These events have defined who we are.

I think we can learn to recognize our behavioral attributes, understand their cause, and work for best outcomes.

Some people hunt (as try to find a person to use) people that have been traumatized by childhood events. It is wise to recognize and avoid these people.

#3. As for paying attention to your feelings: "Way to go Dallas".

Anyone who criticized home cooked food is an ass. And in the early days of a relationship he should be trying to make an impression! Glad you figured it out now.

Be confident in your decision. It was a correct one.

Yes and No.

My mother shouldn't have kids and rarely hit us but we were neglected. Her second husband did abuse us with her knowledge. My father was absent for most of my childhood but meted out some harsh punishments that I can recall 50 years later

I think I am over brooding about my childhood but I suspect it has also been a big factor in many of the more questionable decisions I have made in my life that seem inconsistent with the type of person most people perceive me to be

Good gods, yes, you were wise to say no. My father was a monster to my mother and all his kids. I always wished she would have left him in the early days when he revealed his true self to her. Even though that meant I would never exist, she would have had a better life.

I think we're all blank canvases at that age. And our experiences form strong behavior patterns. I don't think we get over anything. I do think we learn to recognize those sources and some of us learn to successfully deal with them.

I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother as a child. My father is sweet man, but he didn’t stand up for me. Nor did he stand up for himself when she abused him.

I was in therapy for 13 years, thinking that I dealt with the anger I came to feel toward my mother in my late teens. Turns out I was wrong. Turns out my response to my mother was to do whatever I could to please her, to avoid her abuse. And that is how I respond to my relationships with women to this day.

I’m fine at work, in my professional relationships. I’m able to set boundaries, to be in the real world as an adult. Not so in relationships with women. I find it hard to separate my partners’ displeasure in what I do from a feeling I’m not loved. So I try to maneuver, to position myself, to say what I think will be acceptable. Of course it doesn’t work for either of us. And I find myself hurting time and again, feeling rejected and unloved. Or, doing things that go against my instincts and nature, hoping for acceptance.

I read stories like yours, hear people talk about how they have healed. I still don’t know what it will take to deal with this, to heal myself...

He sounds like a total douchenozzle.

You know people like that are needy and manipulative. Had you given in, he'd return to form until you confronted him again. He'd then offer his most heartfelt apologies, ask you to help him be a better person, and start the cycle over again.

I agree you chose wisely, but maybe I'm just jaded.

You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. His inability to be happy has nothing to do with you, but it will drag you down.

I have a similar background with my mum, except she isn't an alcoholic. I never have been and never will be good enough for her. I married a man who was never happy. Nothing was ever good enough nor was anything his fault. Consciously disengaging from that kind of thinking is the best thing I've ever done for myself.

You are better off without those kind of people in your life.

Stuart's personality issues will be driving women away for the remainder of his years. I think a lot of women will wind up judging HIM not good enough just as you did.

Happy trails, Stu.

Your decision seems reasonable. An alternative might be to stop him immediately when you hear the derisive, or harmful comments come out of his mouth. It may be very hard to find someone who will never trigger your feelings. If you can stop it the second you hear it and point it out, maybe you can teach someone what is happening in that exact moment.
I am not good at this and I tend to let it stew and think of what I should have said later. But I am trying to internalize it. Deep breaths in situ seem to help.

I also wanted to please my dad with good grades, the perfect jobs, the traditional marriage, etc. Not because he was an alcoholic but because he was just not outwardly affectionate and that is what I wanted from him.

I think certain events and people do trigger the deep emotional hurt, but as an adult, you are able to recognize this and can make different choices than when you were a child.

I am sorry to say that this guy is going to keep doing that...having read your various posts...I would cut your losses and find someone who can nurture and take care of that child in you...help heal and grow your beautiful self...you are better alone than to have someone who regresses you like this.