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Since you have revealed to others that you're an atheist how has it effected your love life and dating life? As for me being an African American, Black women tend to dodge me like the plague and it can get a little frustrating For women to be so shallow based on something that can't be proven that even theu don't live by anyhow. Thoughts?

Justbekind 4 Feb 1
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Yeah, not only will people shy away from my "strident irreverence," but I also don't want someone too prone to woo. That very significantly narrows my chances. Waddya gunna do.

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Hahaha...yep. Dodged like the plague has been my experience as well. I had better luck dating when I started to go to group events with like- minded people...not necessarily agnostic/atheist gatherings but events that would attract such people (horror groups, "freethinking" groups, hiking groups).

Crazy part is that I'm in a liberal state

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I think it must be far harder for someone from the black community to be openly atheist given the religious Church culture of that group. IT is similar to my Mennonite heritage and going atheist. Nearly unheard of. I feel for you but regardless of race dating as an atheist is not an easy thing. First we have to find other atheists and this site does make that task more doable.

True but white Christians don't tend to be as fanatical as Black Christians.

@Justbekind That depends, if you ever get in the clutches of the fundamentalist Christian Groups you will defintely have the fear put in you, not of God but of these particular minions. There is a pure mean streak in these folks I don't see in the black churches.

@misstuffy them Black Christians will become very mean and even get you fired from your job

@Justbekind Then the black churches and the fundamentalist nut jobs where I live have that in common. Sounds like both are equally petty in their dealings with us non believers.

@Justbekind I'm in Oklahoma and white Christian's get just as fanatical as black Christian's. My dating pool is very slim as a non religious person in the Bible belt.

@Grlwdragontat that's a big statement right there because black Christians are super radical

@Justbekind get into farm country where they will fire off their guns as a reminder and out here, aint no cops coming to investigate cause it is legal out in the boonies to just shoot off firearms with no reason.

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Hasn't made any appreciable difference to me. I won't date someone who is more than casually / culturally religious and I'm open about my atheism.

To your point about Black women, it has also been my experience that most of them want a god fearing guy which eliminates them for me...

Try OkCupid and good luck!

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While there was one time where I am pretty sure it nipped a relationship in the bud, I can't see how it would have worked out anyway. I was only pursuing it in a half hearted way because I was lonely, and it is just as well it ended early.

You are so much better off with one of your own kind, you know, people not blinded by the fairy tale of Jesus!

My last girlfriend was a believer, but it was never an issue. Her daughters were both athiest, and that made her more accepting than other people might have been.

2

I've been single for 14 years because of my not believing in fantasy.

Aka Reality sucks?

Nope. But it sure is devoid of people.

It's been 6 years for me

I think many of us are single for the same reason. It is very difficult to find others who don't buy into false gods. Too many of us, myself included are in the closet where we live for fear of reprisals, in my case a very real possibility

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my brother I definitely feel you on that one that's why I thought this would be a great site to connect with do you know of any others?

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On dating profiles, it's best to be up front about the kind of person you want to meet.

The last time I put up a profile, I stated clearly that I "don't do casual sex," which should have eliminated most men, and my detailed list of things I wanted in a partner was supposed to drive the rest away, but, surprisingly, men who met those qualifications immediately applied anyway.

Girls are more picky than men, but you could state your beliefs on your profile, letting girls who share your values know you're out there.

May I suggest that women having had their desired quota of children cease to hunt for a partner unless they desperately need one to pay the bills. Men however rarely lose the urge to reproduce.

@FrayedBear Women like me, with a high percentage of male traits, androgyne, etc. though often perfectly contented living alone, still like companions for things like ballroom dancing, hiking, and birding activities.

I always had plenty of dates and suitors, even after my frank disclaimers. They were probably hoping, of course, that they would be the ones to change my mind, etc.

@birdingnut do you reiterate your desires at first meeting?Do many go beyond a fifth meeting? Why do you not simply advertise for a dancing partner, hiking companion, fellow birdwatcher etc. and see if one turns into a friend with benefits?

@FrayedBear I'm demisexual-I don't HAVE desires. Being demisexual means no lust for a particular gender or person, unless I have been with them for over a year. Many people on the asexual spectrum have, as I do, a libido stronger than that of a male but we don't look to others.

And yes, I do only advertise for a friend, dancing partner, etc. Like I did here, as well.

If we're still dancing and hiking together a year later, then eventually that sort of attraction kicks in, but I play either/both gender roles and do stuff most hetero males can't/won't do. I think of straight men as rabbits..quick as a flash, no frills. But from what many married women tell me, they prefer their men are quick as possible.

@birdingnut thank you for the education. I laughed at the married woman quote and was reminded of a recent conversation with a 28 yo grossly over weight woman who had had 5 children by differing fathers. She asked how did I prefer my intercourse to which I replied "long, slow, gentle and very moistly multiply orgasmic". "Ewgh" said she "fast & hard for me". Well I guess if you have five children under the age of 8 wanting to be fed, nappy changed etc. fast and furious is a practical solution but so is eating golden arch McStuff to cure anorexia. As for rabbits the expression down here is "whip it in, wet it and wipe it" - the 3 W's.

Im with you when it comes to casual sex. I don't need the worry about someone elses non declared diseases. A more serious long term relationship is a different matter altogether.

@FrayedBear With asexuals, gotta be careful..dick pics, sex jokes, talk about sex, genitals, etc - any sexual reference could make most of us feel nauseated and want to get as far away as possible. I do tell my dates, both on my profile, and remind them as needed. But if I have to remind them more than once, there won't be a second date. I am perfectly happy single and don't particularly care if somebody likes me or not. I'm definitely not for everyone. Most/many men have only one goal on a date..to get laid. Asap. I tell them up front, before accepting a date, that if that's all they want, I'm not for them.

@birdingnut lol people who like crass pop music have a similar effect on me.

@FrayedBear I remember once some guy asked me out, but made the mistake of mentioning that he loved "Gospel music." I suddenly remembered that I was going to be busy for the next year or so.

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I can understand the theists position of not wanting to date an atheist because I feel the same in reverse. There are things in religion I feel are very immoral, and, though I'm confident in what I believe, my biggest concern isn't for me it would be my kids if I ever choose to have any. I don't want it to be taught that my kids should feel ashamed for natural harmless urges or for them to feel they are wrong for liking someone who doesn't fit some strange ideology. The guilt factor is huge in religion even if that is not obvious up front. Further if science were to conflict with religion the science needs to win out. Seeing this in reverse, how a theist would believe, I find it reasonable for there to be less compromise when it comes to beliefs. It's just unfortunate for us to be the minority in this case. I don't see it as shallow, but certainly rough. I'm in Texas and deal with the same thing. That said, I can't feel animosity toward someone who feels that way. A more selfish reason is my parents nag me to accept god enough as it is, I don't need my girlfriend to do it too.

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I have a theory that people who are totally secure in their beliefs aren't going to have an issue with someone who believes differently. But then, I haven't met very many of those so I could be wrong.

Hmm... I have to respectfully disagree.
In my experiences it's the ones who are "totally secure" that are the worst of the lot.

Wow, never a truer statement.

Projection of your own aspirations @Chicagojcb?

@FrayedBear Well, maybe. But the few Christians I know who aren't threatened by my Atheism are the ones who are quietly certain of their beliefs.

@chicagojcb Without knowing the circumstance I cannot comment however I'm sure that say a Yankees fan amongst a mob of other Yankee fans in a bar arguing over the merits of Jack Nicklaus with a Dodgers fan is going to feel a lot more comfortable and secure than if alone.

2

Now that you mention it, I'm fairly surprised this hasn't been much of an issue for me. It may be location related - people seem to be more lax about religion (or lack thereof) where I'm from. Though I do tend to avoid men who seem too invested in whatever god/gods/flying spaghetti monster they follow.

you are very pretty though and men can be very shallow. we are the real people but we are the exception to the rule. it scares people when you're different from them. why just black woman @justbekind? you're cutting out an already small pool of possible partners.

Perhaps @WickedNicki you need to adopt a new culture. I suggest Chinese or Greek. They have the greatest numbers of gods and goddesses to worship in order to enhance your wicked sexual ways. Hehehe
[en.m.wikipedia.org]

@FrayedBear no thanks

I dunno..if they have a flying cheese or chocolate ice cream god, with plenty of ceremonies, I might indulge. Here in Thailand I constantly get invited to Buddhist temple feasts, Buddhist dances, and meditation sessions, and I love it! In this photo, I'm doing a Thai dance with my students, on the way to the Buddhist temple for a meditation ceremony and feast afterward..YUM!

@birdingnut I'm always down for a feast! It's why I still participate in Christmas!

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No one really cares lol.

1

one potential partner/date ditched me, only last year.

A lucky escape?

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some folks just freak on it.

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I'm so weird my believing friends consider my atheist views to be the least of my problems.

Rofl

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The price we have to pay for being true to ourselves and living an honest existence.

So very true sir

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Yeah being atheist does seem to think out the number of people in the dating pool, for me I have a hard time relating to theists, which is strange considering I was one for most of my life. When someone starts talking about the Bible like it is fact an just can't :/

I tend to zone out when they start talking about the Bible.
I have to. Otherwise I'll start dropping knowledge bombs on them and the religious really don't like that. Plus they like playing the "persecution" card

3

Without a doubt it's a big factor in dating.
You can get along with someone perfectly, be a perfect match and as soon as religion is brought up and the big scary "A" word is dropped, that's when things change. And it does suck.
But in my experience, it's for the better.
An atheist dating a religious person is a potentially volatile combination.

I've experienced it several times before and swore to myself "Never Again" after the last one.
It's just not worth your time or the mental stress.

Ypu are 200% correct

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