Without interference with our natural, self-regulating, sequential development, bonding would be stronger and more flexible. In the few surviving, so-called primitive matriarchal tribes/societies studied duriing the last couple of centuries, destructive afflictions that are commonplace to us were absent.

Damages inflicted on males and females by malignant, male dominated cultures manifest in different forms and we consequently act out in different ways within gender roles imposed by our respective cultures. Because males act out in more overtly destructive ways doesn't mean females don't also contribute to our shared pathogenisis. I believe, however, that women being stronger specimens in general demonstrate a superior ability to survive and repair; to function more effectively as loving, productive, learning beings in spite of damages sustained.

My roundabout statements above are aimed at setting a stage for my assertion that healthy naturally flowing bonds cannot be formed between people who are products unhealthy, unnatural interference during their earliest stages of naturally 'programmed' development.

Our potentials for development of healthy trust, perceptual accuracy and primary drive based sexuality is mitigated by parents who's own potentials were supppressed and damaged.

Couple this with intellectual acceptance of artificially fabricated expectations by each sex projected upon the other long before the intellect has has an opportunity to fully develop; with separations and 'taboos' imposed on children that are based entirely on false notions about their nature.

That relationships are broadly believed to require 'work and struggle' to maintain stability exists in the first place is because of the tragic fact that almost all are based not on instinctive primary, healthy drives but on secondary alternatives resorted to as outlets for thwarted, frustrated development of instinctual self-regulation. (objectification) Our animal cousins bond in different ways depending on canon for their respective species, but none of them display any necessity to 'work hard' to follow instinctual behaviors that perpetuate their kind.

It is not realistic to expect strong, balanced bonding of 'relationships' between weak, unbalanced individuals; some of whom are damaged to the point of their sexual potential being permanently crippled due to abuse.

Lets not be hard on each other with blame even when the blame rests firmly within ourselves due to misunderstanding and self-serving miscalculations. Self-examine, analize honestly and generously. Forgive both self and others. Love the children and damaged young still suffering within each of us.

Nurture self forgiveness and examination; forgiveness of others' weaknesses while acknowledging their, albeit late, growth as we welcome our own progress. Learn aggressively and love generously beginning with ourselves. Loneliness will diminish and we'll find in our new orbits compatible 'others'.

Yes! One can still be an idealist in their seventies.

My ex wants it to be like that, I don't. I think it's better for the kids if we can be at least civil to each other. We don't have to be best friends, but this crap of "I'm going to forget I ever met you" is destructive.

I was married 10 years we were together for 15. We have two kids, not that they're kids now, and we've been apart for 19 years. We are strangers. I prefer it that way.

Yes 30 years married and I would be amicable but my ex chooses not to be. I put it down to guilt on his part something I do not suffer. Onwards and upwards I say for me anyway.

My ex just texted me about 15 minutes ago to tell me that one of her colleague's father had died. All I said was 'Thanks'. We share a daughter who is out on her own and a couple of granddaughters but I'm not at all chummy. If it weren't for offspring, I'd never acknowledge her existence. Why would I? She's the one who cheated so she's the one who actually made the choice!

It must be a direct function of the people involved. I hate to use the term because so many people throw it around, not knowing how deep that rabbit hole really goes, but my first ex was a psychopath. I had no desire for any further contact, and years later, still have a burst of panic when I see someone who looks just a little too much like how he used to look - even though I'm 1,500 miles away, and at this point, it is very unlikely that he'd try to track me down.

My second ex is still my best friend and I consider him and his family to be my family. Neither of us has a desire to get back together romantically, maritally, or anything like that... but with that aspect out of our lives, we get along better than ever before.

There's a guy I dated for about 9 years. We kept in touch until he got married, and then his wife had some jealousy issues so we pretty much parted ways for somewhere between 10 and 15 years. No need to hit the unfriend button on facebook though, so sometime after the wife was comfortable with the fact that nothing would go on between us, he got back in touch. We have both changed so much in different directions that we barely have anything to talk about anymore, but we still get in touch online once every 3 - 6 months or so.

Same sort of variety with non-romantic relationships. My best friend growing up got ticked off at me for no good reason and didn't talk to me for 15 years. By the time she contacted me again, we'd gone in different directions, and while we are friends again, it's different and a lot more distant. Others, we've gradually drifted apart or somehow we just lost contact.

Dad would run down the street the opposite way from my mother when he saw her. Her dad would run down the street the opposite way when he saw her. Something about my mother? How childish.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try to make things work, you need to make a clean break from a destructive relationship. It is not healthy to stay in a place that breaks your spirit, hurts you physically, or ruins you financially. A relationship that is toxic could be your husband, son, daughter, sister or even your own mother. A clean break cleanses you of the toxicity and gives you the opportunity to heal and regain your energy so that you can start fresh. Not all relationships are toxic. We all know that some marriages last a life-time, friendships can be forever, and that love is something we all seek.

I married, divorced, tried to reconcile, and split again with my 1st.

I made a clean break with my 2nd.

I have a more civil relationship with my 3rd, (attending holiday and ceremonial events like children and grandchildren's birthdays and weddings.) He got into a hard spot and moved back in for 6 months, but 1 & 3 are both in the same town, and I don't communicate at all with #1, and #3 only if something comes up about the kids.

We don't hate each other we have just moved on.

#1 tried to resume communication when he moved into town, but I thought twice was enough to know I didn't want another disaster.

I am more of a clean break girl myself. In my experience when I have tried to keep contact it is usually misconstrued as an interest in continuing the relationship. It is weird though, to have been so close to someone then nothing, but if they are hoping for more I think it is more cruel to keep their hopes alive...

Where love goes, a fool knows that the hurt can go as deep,
Don't make a promise that you cannot keep Peter McCann
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Gibran
Maybe we blame the ex for our sense of loss even if it is only lost potential or unfulfilled dreams?
I don't talk to my ex wife, yet she lives in the same town.

No.

Yes. My first marriage was 16 years and after the divorce I remarried a few years later. He had a tight bond with my parents and friends so he was invited to my second wedding. We shared an eight year old daughter with cerebral palsy. We remained in touch until he and his wife-a born again-moved to Fla. Then everything changed. He became a born again idiot. Our 25 year old daughter went to live with them. After 2 years I discovered she was being neglected and abused by her stepmother and pulled her out of there. Prior to that my sister remarried and my ex and his wife were invited to the wedding. Since I brought my daughter home I have had no contact with them for 10 years but still have a good relationship with his mother and sister who I see on my daughter's birthdays.On the other hand my second husband and I have had an unusual relationship. Divorced for 20 years now he acted as my caretaker when I was diagnosed with AML-acute myloid leukemia 5.5 years ago. Two years later he had serious health issues and I as a friend became his caretaker. There was a lot of hate and discontent in that two year marriage but we have a 22 year old daughter. I've learned to forgive and forget. I'm back to living my own life, have traveled cross country to meet someone from this site. I take one day at a time. Life is strange.

Well... when things are the way they are... so they are that way... Let go. I just don't mind becoming a stranger to those who knew me. I am easy to let go type of person. Better at goodbye than at hello. It may be a blessing in disguise. Some 17 years later been trying to become a "stranger" to someone with no joy... shit happens... what can I say... this morning I started working in one those things I will consider very special to me, another song about her. Is going to be a touching, beautiful song about two individuals that got old without letting each other go. Tittle "matron goddess". She will never going to hear that one. I no longer show her what I do. Learn to let go. Life will continue opening new doors to you.

It's a very tough situation. Sometimes people just need a clean break- to get over someone and move on. If you are constantly in contact with them , it's that much harder to do.

Plus, if you are trying to re-enter the dating scene, it's not going to work if you spend your whole first date on your cellphone chatting with your ex or bring them along as a chaperone.

I haven't had contact with my x for over 20 years ,and have no desire to.
Of course , she is a reborn...

I, too, was in a long term marriage with my ex; 25 years to be exact. We split apart over 3 years ago. I maintain a close relationship with my kids and grand kids. I try to get along with my ex to maintain these relationships. The love and the relationships that I want and have for my kids and grand kids are more important than the animosity I have towards my ex. I try to be as mature as I can about it.

What a very hard lesson this week, and basically, if there's any love involved anywhere, don't give up on it AND DON'T TAKE IT FOR GRANTED, either. Not the same as your situation, except in a general sense of relationships.

My dad was about the same. He just pretty much walked away.