You have given very little information to go on but you sound unhappy.

I believe communication is the keystone of any relationship, so I would suggest you make some time and have a heart to heart conversation, then you may know where you stand.

I hope everything works out for you.

Its hard to recommend anything, or really sympathize without knowing whats happening. I do know from personal experience that just because someone seems like they don't care doesn't make it so. Its possible he feels the same way as you do, and through pride neither of you will reach out.

The only suggestion I could make is wait till you're not upset, then ask yourself if you're happier together, or apart?

If someone you are committed to makes you feel “broken” you must leave to heal.

I can't say what you should do in terms of staying or leaving, that's for you to decide, but when it comes to how you feel I'd say don't carry that burden of guilt. You can't be responsible for someone else's feelings. His emotions, thoughts, and actions are his and his alone; please don't take ownership of any of that, as it's nothing you can control.

That's a shitty place to be - sorry. Read what you wrote and sum up the courage to do what you know you need to do. There are people and resources available to help. Call 211 for information or 1-800-273-8255 to talk to a crisis counselor anytime. Good luck!

The Ann Landers question is: Are you better off with him or without him? Only you can answer that.

We get one shot at this. Trust me, there is nothing at all wrong with being single. If this relationship isn't giving you what you need then there is nothing wrong with moving on. It may hurt, but it won't hurt forever. It is better to be alone and happy than with someone and miserable...

You are saying there have been previous times you should have left, and now is another one of those. You seem to have your answer. Depends on the type of guy, maybe you can discuss and sort it, maybe discuss an amicable split, maybe you need to stay with friends and family. Guys can get irrational. Not saying be scared, but be careful.

Why it has to be your fault? Don't you think that maybe his nature is the guilty one?

Im currently going through a seperation at this very moment. Don't be afraid of going through the stages of grief. Stage 5 is so great...
Im finally their. To look at us you would think thats a very happy couple, but the truth is that we have both come to the conclusion that these 13 years were good but they are now over, time to move on...
We both enjoy each others company, but it's over...

Good luck to you my dear...

Leave, it's not easy at first but you know it will be better In the end(you've already decided you should've left

One thing I have learned is that we all love in slightly different ways and we all have different things we need from our partner. If you are really, really (and I mean really) lucky and you find an attractive person who needs what you love to give and who gives what you need to receive - then you have a perfect relationship. So often though I have been with a person who I love and who makes me happy - but after a while I realise that their idea of "love" is slightly different. They are frustrated because I don't give them quite what they are after and I think the same - but we both have attraction and "love".

Often empathic/supportive people get stuck with controlling or dominant people who they love but they spend their time trying to "fix" their partner so they will be the lover they need but always resenting the control, while the controller is looking for a submissive person who they like to order about - they don't want to be fixed. Besides the point that I hate controllers anyway, you get tensions because there is just an incompatibility.

Take a step back and try to work out what kind of attention & love makes you happy to receive and also what kind of things you like to do to express your love. If that isn't happening then talk it out and if it doesn't look like you are compatible then move on and find a person who better matches your personality.

ahhh, crap. That sounds awful. Sounds to me like the problem is in his court. I would have that unfortunate conversation. Maybe getting the problems out in the open can offer a solution. Even if you tried before. If it is beyond that, maybe a trial separation? I have known people who separated, but didn't call it a 'separation', just a platonic break (emphasis on platonic, this is not a license to cheat), who worked it out better from different locations. If you have children, this always complicates things, but kids pick up on negative feelings.

If you don't know what you did, you didn't do anything wrong. If you did something he wasn't ok with you should know because he should have told you. If you didn't do anything, he's mad/upset for the wrong reason. Loyalty isn't the only center of a relationship. Communication is vital. People are a pain in the ass to deal with. A relationship is 2 pains in the ass talking out ways of being less of a pain in the ass. Talk it out. Couples therapy. And sincere effort from both sides. Don't blame yourself for something because he's acting upset with you. It's likely not you. Helping him confront what he's really upset about might be what you should think on. Never beat yourself up or internalize it because it will just turn into a cycle. Now if he's being violent then it's escalated too far. He can't have room for love if he's angry enough to be violent. If he's only upset, not violent, then there's hope and reason to think you can work it out. If you can't in the end, you'll know that you tried but it wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry you're struggling but you have all of us if you need anything.

Leave. Leave. Leave. I am one year divorced after being with someone and married for 26 years. Best decision I ever made. Nothing better than walking into your house and being able to breathe and be at peace. No drama just peace. Do it. You will not regret it. You deserve to be loved and cared for and to be happy. We only have one life to live. I know you don't want to.fail at something you've worked so hard at but the only way to win is to walk away. Divorce is scary and hard but the best thing you will ever do if you are truly unhappy. You know what you feel in your gut. Just do it and get on with living instead of slowing dying inside. There's no fixing what's been broke for a long time. Best of luck to you.

"I have stayed every time I should have left. And now its happening all over again."

"I don't know what I did. But I feel so broken."

Those are the key phrase in your statement. Nothing else you wrote has any bearing on the price of tea in China.

First of all, why are you allowing the actions of a lesser individual to dictate how you feel? Stop it. Right goddamn now.

And yes, you did do something wrong here and you need to take responsibility for that. Your mistake was wasting 13 years of a finite life on an individual who has proven over and over again that they are not worthy of the time it takes to wipe your ass.

Time to fix your mistake. Pack your shit and get the fuck out. File for divorce if you are married, and DO NOT, FOR ANY REASON (I repeat, DO NOT, FOR ANY REASON) initiate contact with this individual other than through your attorney.

If you feel as though your safety and well being are in danger, leave for a location where nobody knows you. Do not go to a friends house. Do not stay with family members. Do not go ANYWHERE which would be considered predictable.

If there are children involved, contact the authorities and explain that you have left your husband because you believe that your life is in danger and you no longer feel safe in your living environment. Inform them that you believe your children may be endangered as well. File for full custody through your attorney.

If you fail to do these things, then you'll simply have to live with the fact that this is who the person you are with is, and that this relationship is the best you'll ever be willing to strive for. Make your choice.

You got decision to make... conversation to have... when is broken... is broken... and I do not refer to your life. Your life is just starting. And if by now marriage is not there where it should be. Pick up your losses. Recognize is not the end of the world or of your life. It is the end of a bad beginning. Move on with as little baggage as possible. Because your life will continue and you will be next time more wiser. New opportunity awaits you when time is Right. And don't feel Broken, neither lower your standards Never. There is a Lot of You for world and life to like. Remember that and remember it may be time for you to start being Loyal to You to a Fault.

I never know what someone wants to hear in this situation. You obviously know what you need to do and what the problem is. So I’m just going to put my foot in it...He’s not making you unhappy, you’re doing it to yourself.

And what the hell I looked at your pic you are super cute. Don't fall for that I'm depressed bs. If a guy is not into he's not into you. Move on. Let him figure out his own shit on his own. Stop trying to save him and save yourself from a life of misery with a miserable person. You are doing what so many women myself included do. Stop it. Man up and move on. Sorry for the tough love but you are cute and seemingly nice. You don't deserve that.

Yes, he has lied to me in the past about bug things. Yes, he has been unfaithful. But, now he is depressed and miserable. He says its not my fault, has nothing to do with me. He says he doesnt know if he sees a future with me. If hes still in love with me. Some moments are still great, like everything is like it was and other times he is next to me and I feel alone in the room. I have begged him for just a little bit of hope or reassurance or whatever you want to call it. Tell me theres a part of you that still wants this to work? He won't give me an answer yes or no if he still wants to be with me later on down the road. Hes lost and confused and can't reassure me if hes trying to get his own mind right. He says my need for reassursnce is pervasive. I was emotionally abused (not by him) and unfortunately a by product of that is thinking everything is your fault and needing people to tell you youre not a wastr of space from time to time. He knows my past, my struggles. It hurt when he said that. Its not like im not trying.

Sometimes it just seems easier to say, not due to your love of that person but because you have kids or you fear change. I've stayed for both reasons in the past but time flies and it's all too easy to piss away the years feeling lonely within a relationship out of some kind of attachment to your current status quo.
You haven't given us much to go on but it sounds like you need to get out there and find a new "normal" to accept. One the doesn't leave you feeling confused and broken.

I'm so sorry! It's the worst feeling in the world! Please you aren't out there alone, and this community is very supportive! And we care! I was married for over twenty years before my marriage went downhill. The thing I regret, and this is me, Not made for advice for you because we are all different, is I should have left sooner. I put myself thru so much heartache thinking that things would change, and they never did. I finally came to the realization that I would be happier alone than with him because I was miserable. I'm much better now! Silver lining! Everything worked out! Good luck to you!

I stayed over 30 years with a man who made me feel bad about myself. That is probably close to half my adult life!! Then, he left me. How are you going to feel if you do the same? Get the freak OUT ! NOW!

Why does it have to be something YOU did? If he's treating you like crap, that's on him, not you. If you know you've should have left him all those times before, and nothing changed when you stayed, and now it's happening again, what will be different this time?
A very wise person said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action, and expecting a different result.
It's your life. Do you want to live it on your own terms, or not?

What can we say, but we wish you well?

We cannot make decisions for you, but we can offer our best wishes for the future whatever decisions you make yourself.

If I were a theist I'd offer 'prayers'. As an atheist I see how meaningless that is - but what can I offer that means more? Perhaps not much - but I wish I could.