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What would you do in this situation?

So mom and dad found out I'm an atheist, and now refuses to talk to me until either I convert, or pay lip service to Christianity . I'm Not going to be something I'm not, but these are the people who raised me and gave me love.... My heart is broken.

Teslacoilsmith 6 Feb 5
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27 comments

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14

You are not required to have a relationship with anyone: not a parent, not a spouse, not a child. People don't understand this. They don't want to believe it. It's true. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.". Sharing DNA is not an irrevocable, all-access pass to your life and your heart. If people don't act right, show 'em the door.

If it were me, I would write a frank letter outlining my feelings, mail it, and prepare to never hear from them again. I would permit myself the space to grieve the loss of the relationship, with an eye toward moving on. And I would not, under any circumstances, feel bad about only permitting into my personal space those people who treat me with respect.

They might come around...after they read a letter, after weeks, after months, after years... or maybe they never do. I wouldn't hold my breath. Take them at face value. Don't play games with them, and don't play along with their games.

This is about as awful as it gets. It probably sounds harsh, and I don't mean to make light of your suffering when I say: don't waste time or space in your heart over these people. What they're doing is inexcusable. They don't deserve you.

10

I don't take kindly to ultimatums, threats, or blackmail. I would have told them that you thought being a parent mean unconditional love, but obviously you were mistaken. I would have also said that you will be there when they come to their senses.

Good response.

9

My daughter is living with a transgender woman. When my father's house sold, I gave all of my children including Aly (my daughter's girlfriend) money. All my children were surprised and elated including Aly. Aly then told me that she wished her parents were as accepting as I am. It really broke my heart to know that parents disown their own children just because they aren't who they want them to be.

9

It’s sad, but you can’t just start believing in that when instructed.

8

I'm afraid I would have to bring Jesus into the conversation and let them know that it isn't a very Christian way to treat a person. That Jesus loves all of us and if that was their belief, they should stand by his belief. As you should stand with yours. That's one of the main reason I'm an atheist. Christians say one thing and do the complete opposite!

8

I understand the position they have put you in. It is THEIR decision, not yours. I would continue to be their son and make the effort to continue your relationship with them, but unless you are willing to forego your individual person-hood or they are willing to accept you as you are, there is little you can do about it. I wish you well.

6

Keeping in mind that I’m probably a horrible person, I’d say good riddance and walk away with out a second thought. If it’s that easy for them to turn you away, you’re better off without them.

6

Aww I'm very sorry about that.
They will come around. Stay true to yourself.

6

I'd just tell them you'd still love them if they start worshiping a different god and that it isn't uncommon for people in religions/cults/mythologies to disown their children for not going along with their beliefs.

5

If your mum and dad have an issue with that and will not speak with you on such a trivial matter then quite simply they do not respect you. They in the end would respect you LESS if you changed your mind in order to 'fit-in' as that shows you are wishy-washy and lack the strength and courage in your convictions.

Stand true and tall fella.
Good luck and all the best

5

I was never really close to my parents growing up. It was more of a co-existence. However, when I came otu as both atheist and gay, they didn't really talk to me for about a year or so, then gradually things went back to the way things were before. Of course i had siblings which I continued to associate with, which helped bring my parents back around.

I don't suppose it would help to point out that according to the bible, Jesus never said to only love conditionally. Shunning is an old testament tradition, which shoudl have been abolished if people actually believe what Jesus was supposed to have taught.

5

I was in the same boat a year ago. I don't talk to most of my family anymore. My aunt accepts I became an atheist. No one else did.

5

sorry. I would only hope after a while they would want to reconnect with their son

5

I'm so sorry that they have made the choice they have. I too have lost people who were important in my life as they cannot accept that I am my own person and choose to believe differently than they do. The letter is a great idea and can be cathartic for you.

4

I was blessed with awesome parents, but not everyone is that fortunate. I have seen others' parents turn out to be abusive, unfaithful, and enablers of drug abuse. It's very hard to have to love someone from a distance, but sometimes it's a better option than any.

3

Ouch! That's got to hurt. I can't understand it. Your kids are your kids. I can't really get my head around how they could make that choice

3

Wow. That sucks. Maybe they need time to process it. The problem is even if you were to give in and say you are a believer now, it would only take a little critical thinking to know you were not really a believer now, and only saying you were out of them using their love as an extortion tactic. The only real solution is for them to accept you as you are....Sorry you have to go through this. It is their decision though.

2

Hearts do heal. Doctrinaire parents? Believe what I tell you to believe. You are not permitted to be your own man/woman/person. Breaking any bond will invite pain. To find yourself you may have to cut the umbilical cord. Estranged from my parents for decades because of other issues, the initial break was wrenching. Counseling taught me how toxic they were & for my own autonomy I had to go as they would not/ could not stay their toxicity. Give some space & perhaps they will see that you are entitled to your own view of the world. For them to deny you this is not parenting. It is thought policing & fascist,

2

Give it time. My mother has disowned me more times than I can count. She eventually comes back. After 7 years, she's finally able to consider the possibility that the Catholic church isn't flawless. I did that to her. (I also brought her from hardcore O'Reilly fan to feminist liberal.) Try not to be angry. Love builds more bridges.

2

Perhaps you can find a counselor to help bridge the gap. Another tactic would be to talk to their priest, convince him your parents are not following scripture, and have him counsel them about tolerance and forgiveness. Keep in mind their priest might be the root of the problem.

2

I don't know what I would do. I just want to say I'm sorry you're going through it.

2

Id probably go out, get blasted drunk, obsess over the issue, go through the 5 steps of grief, then write a letter pointing out the bits in the bible about acceptance, and coexistence (its there), along with another letter about how deeply they have hurt you. Tempers flare, but if you wait till they are cooled and try the olive branch it may lead to reconciliation. Of course self righteous anger works too, and a lot of people follow that route.

2

It's pretty arrogant of them to do that. They just totally forgot about everything else and told you they care about the idea of God more than they care about you, someone they have known in the flesh and loved their whole life.

2

No xian will ever break my heart... that's how I roll. Get up... your mom and dad turn you over to the world. Well the world is in front of you and is not turning its back on you. If your parents don't understand. Hey... it is your Life and not theirs. I will walk out of their lives with my shin high. The last they see of me will be my back. Cut the cord don't let them ruin you, at the end you will be asking the question.... And for what?

1

Conditional love? How sad, and from parents no less.

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