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My love or their love?

If you could choose would you pick the person that loves you and would do anything in the world for you but you don't love them or the person you love and would do anything in the world for but they don't love you?

  • 12 votes
  • 7 votes
SonderOpia 8 Feb 10

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Option #3: I'll just remain single.

@SACatWalker There's always an option #3.

@resserts there isn't a third option here. The whole point of it was to not have a third option. The point was to pick one of two crappy situations and then to figure out why you would choose that particular one.

@SonderOpia My tongue-in-cheek point is that you're never limited to those two options. Neither would be tolerable to me. It's a false choice that a lot of people buy into. There's always another option.

@resserts wrong. On this question there isn't another option. In reality there are multiple options but on this question on this page on this site there are two.

@SonderOpia Regardless, my answer stands. 😛

@resserts I do not accept your answer. Because your answer isn't one of the two answers. Therefore your answer is irrelevant. And you suck for not wanting to participate yet feeling the need to participate by giving me your two cents worth. Now you know what you can do with your two cents worth. And have a lovely day.

@SonderOpia Your annoyance is adorable. 🙂

@resserts LOL


Neither. I'd keep looking.

Kelkat Level 5 Feb 11, 2018

I think the pain of being in love and being rejected is worse than the pain of not loving someone that is completely in love with you. However both situations suck.

I can agree with you easily. Many I know think that I should now hate my ex wife because she left me. Sometimes people grow apart. The only reason they want me to "hate her" is that she is from Kenya, so now I know my "racist friends." Life gets more marvelous as you go along and learn more things.


If it is not reciprocal, I do not see it as a lasting form of love

@Dida Exactly! More passion than compassion


neither as there has to be balance


I've been in both positions and I wouldn't pick either one!




I would choose neither, been in both, neither is without pain and guilt.

@SACatWalker What can I say other than I have always been one to colour outside the lines.


I feel you are limiting the choices. Both these options are not the best one. You are asking one partner to do the sacrifice. Better stay alone if these are the only options.

I did limit the options on purpose. I wanted to see if people would answer honestly if at all. Both choices suck but both choices have happened to me personally. Of course both relationships failed miserably. However I did learn what is the easier of the two to live with.


If there were no other choices, and I had to choose one,
I would go for the one that loves me, I would rather make one person happy than make another miserable



In reality neither relationship could work and wouldn't be fair on her either way. And neither option would work for me.

OK then.

The one with the nicest tits. 🙂

The question is a non starter - there is no win-win situation here, only lose-lose. So in such circumstances I would pick the one I loved and pick up my skirts and move on. Single, and immerse myself in my hobbies to compensate.

And a further thought - for either partner, if they don't take the hint that the other isn't interested and leave the other alone, in the UK at least, that is classed as stalking and is a criminal offence.

I'll stay single in those circumstances thanks.

I didn't take the easy option. I was very clear, if the choice was one or the other I would choose to be the one with the unrequited love and move on - that is a situation I can control and not leave someone else being hurt.


Has to be mutual otherwise it's just exploitation.

@SACatWalker So?

@Hicks66 so why say anything?

@SonderOpia Because the two options offered do not preclude a third. And neither option offered is favourable.

@Hicks66 that's the point. Two options, neither favorable and you have to choose one.

@SonderOpia no I don't.


Neither. Both choices are not going to last. Eventually one will be tired of the rejection or being the one that does everything for the other.

@SACatWalker I know that is not part of the question or answer. There should have been a third choice because the two answers are insufficient. Neither one is a good choice.

@SACatWalker I am just giving an honest answer. I would not choose to be in either situations. I would just walk away from both.

@noworry28 you should have walked away from this question then.

@SonderOpia Sometimes there is more than two answers. I am just giving an alternative answer. Not everyone think the same, and only sees two ways of doing things.

@noworry28 but this question is about only getting to see two ways of doing things. This isn't a continuous thing. Maybe it's a start of a relationship and this is the Dilemma at that point in time. We all know there is other choices but at this point in this time on this site and this page at this question there is only two.

@SonderOpia Have you noticed that many people chose "Neither" to post as an answer. It is not a yes or no answer or one choice over the other. For many people neither choices is acceptable.

@SACatWalker it's like asking if I'd rather be run over by a coal train or a freight train. Either way I'm dead.

@farmboy2017 but what's funny is if you were to ask that question on here more people would answer it and pick one of those two answers then they are my damn question. Yes I know that both choices are crap however it was a thought question. FML

@noworry28 things are not black and white I realize this. I'm not an idiot. This was an and or of the two crappy situations which one. Yet no one seems to be willing to answer it and to give an explanation why. Does anybody think on here? Or does everybody just say I don't like it so I'm not going to answer but I'm definitely going to have to say something because what I have to say is way more important than the person that posted the question. FML.


I think most of mine have fluctuated between the two. And they ended when they landed hard on one side.


Neither ... but it isn't even as simple as that because I have known girls who love me dearly, but are "in love" with another guy ... story of my life actually LOL

I know it is possible to try a relationship with love starting one-sided and sometimes it grows on both sides and you can have a really lovely relationship. But if, after a decent amount of time going out, there isn't that attraction on both sides then you have to give it up and move on. You can stay friends but it's not possible to be more at that moment. Maybe try later when you are older & wiser - if you meet again and are both single.


Love is an outward projection of yourself. It is meant to be given, freely without qualifications or expectations. We're not meant to make people love us. But, we are meant to show our love openly, honestly and humbly. What people actually do is another debate.


Neither. I want our love reciprocated


Neither of those options would be fulfilling or even tolerable. I've been in situations were I felt that I could have loved someone, but without any indication that there was any interest in their part, it didn't go anywhere.

JimG Level 8 Feb 11, 2018

Though unreciprocated love is hell. If you're loved by someone you have little if any love for, you can learn to love them. It may take time and a whole lot of frustration, but it's better than the alternative.

Gohan Level 7 Feb 11, 2018

I did not love the person I married. I know that sounds messed up but there are circumstances to it. However at first he was deeply in love with me then after about 3 years he started to resent me and I started to hate him.

@SonderOpia I have been trying to figure this one out for more than 30 years. I know I resent her, but I am willing to stay so we can "care" for each other. Hate is too strong a word. But I know the resentment causes me to "act out."

@phil21 in reality you have multiple choices. This question was just about two choices but you don't have just two choices. I hope you find a different Choice than the one you are choosing now.


Wow. One seems like it fits me like a bad glove, that I have taken off more than once, only to put back on!


This a tough one.
I went with the one I love, probably because even though I "know" I am worthy of love, I don't always "feel" that way.

Great and honest answer. Thank you.

@SonderOpia You are always welcome.


This is a very good question. I will give 2 funny nannygoats from life experiences of how others think people think.

  1. A couple are laying outside on the ground just after sex and looking up into the sky when one asks the other "are you thinking what I'm thinking?" It's impossible or just a great coincidence. There is no way they are thinking the same things. No way at all. Often people pretend.

  2. My now ex-wife of 12 years never understood why I wanted a blind in our kitchen fixed to where I could look outside and see where cars are parked. She thought this would have to do with me stopping something I am doing inside because her car had just pulled up. That's wrong. Now that we are divorced I have riveted that blind so it is always easy to see if a car pulls up. Open constantly it's like a peep hole in a door and has only to do with seeing if a car has arrived.


Love is love, it has no owner, to love is to be free.
In both positions love is the benefactor and those that reject its fullness may regret the loss of such advances.
Sorry been watching too much Shakespearian comedy.
That's freedom to choose for you.

Emile Level 5 Feb 11, 2018

I disagree. To be loved is power and strength. To love is weakness and vulnerability. Your mileage may vary. Just my opinion

Okay then neither, both positions are cause for anguish.


I would make the choice of not choosing. Both choices are recipes for an unfulfilling experience, and I choose life.


Neither. ...I will affirm a lover's choice mutually and never take advantage of good intentions

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