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Would you date a man without a steady paycheck?

Be brutally honest. This is purely to satisfy curiosity. There will be no judgment. As this is a question for woman, male responses will be ignored or deleted.

I want to get a consensus on the opinion on the importance one holds and/or the level of attraction one feels towards a man who doesn't earn a weekly paycheck; either through owning his own business, being a freelancer, working in the gig economy, or being between jobs.

Poll is for convenience if you don't wish to comment.

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MuzikDan 5 Dec 1

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25 comments

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6

I have, in the past. I would be concerned about it, but it's not a complete deal breaker.

I refuse to support anyone other than my children, financially. I also refuse to be supported by my partner in that manner. I pay my own bills and expect the same of my partner.

I'm also debt free and would want the same in a potential partner.

Reasonable, but there is a big difference between "steady job" and no money.

@nvrnuff Exactly.
Some jobs are seasonable, or he could be retired, or have a huge inheritance...so many factors.

I have been with my current partner for over 6 years and have never once asked how much he makes. I simply do not care.

I love my job and my bills are paid.
He helped me once, when I was hospitalized, but I paid it all back. Though he said I did not need to.

I guess it's a touch of pride and independence. I want the same in a partner.

@Donotbelieve My industry runs hot and cold, I plan for lean times.

@nvrnuff Smart

@Donotbelieve Kinda sucks that some would automatically reject because of it.

@nvrnuff I think what is being rejected is either a lazy or nonsavvy individual, not so much what you are describing.

6

My answer feels shallow but it’s honest. I spent over 20 years being married to someone who earned way less than he should. He wouldn’t ask for a raise nor would he do anything to improve our situation.

And yes, I did all those things. I don’t expect a man to take care of me financially but I also know the pressure of living paycheck to paycheck

I don't find your response shallow at all. It seems smart and respectable.

@Donotbelieve thank you

@Marcie1974 absolutely

5

I’m just saying for me to date a man he better have a lot of money ?

4

It depends on the overall situation. I wouldn't date someone who needed to be provided for or was lazy. I would date someone who was maintaining a decent home and lifestyle but had a fluctuating income because of his career.

4

I would not enter a serious relationship with someone who doesn’t have a steady income. I m only able to support myself and maybe my daughter (for a short period of time). I can’t and don’t want to support anyone else.

3

you want brutal honesty? okay. i am not sure why you are excluding men when there are certainly men who date men, and considering that at any rate a man might have the same considerations about a woman. i am not sure why you consider being between jobs, often a euphemism for being unemployed, as having a steady paycheck. i am not sure why if it's just dating one needs to worry about such things at all; dating isn't marriage. furthermore, if a woman is attracted (your term) to a man with money, then she is attracted to the money. what's that got to do with the man?

g

Thank you for saying what I thought.

@Nukdookum 🙂)

g

To answer you questions: 1. Men who date other men make up a very small demographic. The state with the largest amount of LGBT in the population is California with 4.8%, which means that men who date men make up only a portion of that.

  1. Being between jobs. We live in an ever-changing economy with an unprecedented amount of uncertainty with added complications due to the growing trend of automation. In the gig economy, being between gigs isn't being unemployed...however it depends upon one's definition/one's opinion of what unemployed means. The term unemployed may not apply to a situation of someone taking a month off to prepare for a new position. etc.
  2. "i am not sure why if it's just dating one needs to worry about such things at all; dating isn't marriage.":
    You might be surprised to know that there are some people here who view dating as a pathway to marriage, and if marriage isn't the end goal, then the point of dating is moot. -Not everyone views things that way, but rest assured there are differing opinions on what dating means or its intended purpose.
  3. If a man is attracted to a woman because she has large breasts, long legs, a rapier's wit, then according to the logic you employed he's attracted to those things and not the woman herself. So what does having desirable and attractive attributes have to do with the woman? -The same as money, muscle, confidence, a chiseled jawline, social influence, sense of humor, height, etc have to do with a man. They are attributes of belonging to the person which one might find attractive. In the context of dating/finding a potential mate, they're a foot-in-the-door. Definitely not to be viewed as the whole of a person's potential.

Thank you for your honesty. I hope I've helped to answer your questions.

@MuzikDan um... so what?

g

@genessa yes

@MuzikDan i see your so what and raise you one whatever. if you're going to be dismissive of the answers then your request for brutal honesty is not going to be taken seriously.

g

@genessa that was you who said "um...so what". You're reacting to yourself being dismissive.

@genessa

@MuzikDan no, that was me quoting you. "um, so what?" meant "what do YOU mean by so what?" duh! don't tell me i said something when i was quoting YOU. what a doofus. what is the purpose of talking to people who are so dumb they don't know what they themselves said? i'm through with YOU!

g

3

I wouldn't date a man no matter how much money he has.

Good to know?

@Green_eyes 🙂

3

I believe it has more with being responsible than the weekly paycheck. If you are in a profession which is seasonal, a gig, freelance, etc but you plan for upcoming bills & even have an emergency fund set up that is one thing. If you are a a lazy bum, claim you are waiting for the next 'job' and just wanting to mooch off someone - I have zero time for you.
As others have said - I can more than support myself and have no plans to support anyone else (been there, done that and will not do it again).

3

I’ve had too many bad experiences with men without a steady paycheck constantly borrowing money to the point of hurting my credit rating. It’s been years and I’m still fucked.

3

I believe it would be petty and shallow to disgard a perfectly decent potential partner based on arbitrary salary requirements.

2

As long as he financially responsible has money, savings, another source of income or is retired, a steady paycheck is not important. I don't have a steady paycheck and I get by fine. Debt free. Have for years.

2

I can support myself on my income. But that's it. And somebody old enough that I would want to date them really should have their own income by then anyway.

1

Money isn't a factor for me. I'm used to paying when I want to do something.

I just need someone who will respect the fact that my job is very important to me.

1

When I first started dating my now late husband, he was laid off from his job about a month after we started seeing each other. That was back in 2001 here in Dallas. He was out of work for 3.5 years due to the type of industry he was in. We married during that time and eventually he did find work. Sometimes in a contract job and sometimes periods of unemployment still. Then in the last 4 years of our marriage he did find a permanent job. It's not a one size fits all but I will admit that I was the primary person working during those years.

1

In terms of dating a man without a steady paycheck. It depends on his circumstances. If he is really is a great guy but is low on money he needs to be ok with me paying for things. I wonder also, how my own financial situation looks to men on online dating sites. I only make $34,000 a year but I have assets that don't reflect my annual salary. Another thing about couples and dating, is that it's better if you have similiar spending habits.

Spending habits! Good point. I don't care how much you make if you spend more it doesn't matter, you still broke!

1

As long as you can pay your own bills I really don't care. Clarification, paying them without resorting to illegal activities.

1

The flip side of that would be all those girls/women who have minimum wage jobs with no apparent hope for anything better. Should a guy date them?

Given that we haven't had a matriachal society since the rise of the industrial age, and their important contribution to a household wasn't traditionally monetary (minus the last 30 years), I figured I'd save this question for after the revolution and all men are tagged and locked in cages for the benefit of all mankind.

1

I dated a guy once who was 'between jobs'. We dated for about four months, and during that time he didn't have any transportation either (he hit another vehicle while driving in the snow). He also would bring his laundry over every weekend to wash since he didn't have a washer and dryer at his place. I was basically his taxi. It didn't pan out, especially after he was able to get some new wheels (from his father), then I started hearing less from him. It turns out he was really only using me. I don't know if he ever found another job, but at least he's not doing his laundry anymore at my house.

0

I don't have a steady paycheck myself (being self employed) so I could hardly say anything about someone else. As long as they work & are self supporting I'm fine & their finances are their business.

Carin Level 8 Dec 9, 2018
0

Just saw this on Tinder and thought I’d share

Well, he is 5'8 ...or so !!! (whatever that means)... what can you lose????? 🙂

@IamNobody I didn’t even notice that lol

0

My ex of 10 years still can't figure out why she got the boot. 24k in credit card debt, and refusal to work overtime to pay it off. She was content paying $800 a month for credit cards, then paying on student loans. I had to buy her a car. We were on a treadmill for 10 years, going no where.

0

I don't make a steady income, but I support myself without depending on others. I would have no problem dating someone who has mastered the same challenge. I've learned lots of ways to have fun without spending much money. 😉

0

I don't want a man sponging off me, or expecting me to support him. It's a deal-breaker.

What if he didn't need/or want to be supported?

0

Hmm. Interesting. I think if I found the right man and he was pursuing a dream I might be okay with it. He would have to be a hell of a man tho! Hopefully it would work out in the long run.

0

No, I'm not queer

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