52 8

Standards

I had an interesting conversation today and it made me curious.

Mostly directed at male identifying people but anyone can answer

Those of you over 30, do you notice you are pickier about people you will hook up with?

If a women says I want to have sex now but she isn't attractive are you still going to have sex with her?

By Holyhellkel
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52 comments

17

Nope. Always been "picky". Not about looks, money, prestige. About intelligence, personality, values. Sorry, not sorry. I like having "high standards."

stinkeye_a Level 7 Feb 12, 2018
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5

No but as I have gotten older, the things o find sexually attractive about the opposite sex has changed drastically. BIG tits, braces and zits aren't attractive at all. Possibly because I get my hormones and vitamins confused often. Keep forgetting I can't hear a vitamin.

Stevil Level 8 Feb 12, 2018
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5

never happened to me. would be fun finding out !

markdevenish Level 7 Feb 12, 2018
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4

I am 79. Probably this thread is not relevant to my life smile001.gif

Dick_Martin Level 7 Feb 12, 2018
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4

I am very picky about who I will spend my time with these days, whether or not sex is involved. Life is full of obligations and demands on my time. I am quick to write off anyone that demands too much without giving back... life really is just too short.

dsimms9 Level 4 Feb 12, 2018
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4

But I am glad I'm picky. Men have to be attractive, but not ridiculously so.

Teslacoilsmith Level 6 Feb 12, 2018
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4

Tough question. My mind changed after having a kid. It's easy to see sex for what it is when the mystery is gone. I've passed on opportunities with the wrong people and surprised myself with others I wouldn't have considered. It has less to do with physical attraction these days and more to do with how relationships play out.

macrobius Level 6 Feb 12, 2018
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3

Dang! So I am probably going to sound old fashioned, but I am not the typical guy I suppose. I am pickier about women. I am more interested in my ability to talk to her than what she looks like. Although I won't say that looks don't mean anything to me. Having said that, I am not quick to jump in bed with someone. First meet, I would be inclined to say no regardless of how she looks. Of course, I have not been put in that situation yet. So maybe that has a lot to do with it. I don't necessarily feel comfortable with a women who wants sex before anything else. If that makes sense.

ChrisJones Level 6 Feb 12, 2018
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3

I was picky then and I’m picky now.

Gatovicolo Level 7 Feb 12, 2018
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3

I've never had sex with someone I wasn't attracted to.

Piece2YourPuzzle Level 7 Feb 12, 2018
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3

Hasn't happened to me...but if it did, it would go beyond any physical attraction. It would certainly never happen without knowing the woman first; her personality, her ambitions, her values. For me, sex is a mutual sharing, an exposing of one's most intimate, personal self, and not just knockin' boots in a rented hotel room. A person's beauty is on the inside, not the outside, and as they grow older [and 'lose their looks'] that becomes a lot more evident. There are a lot of beautiful people I would never even remotely consider having sex with, and a lot of beautiful souls whom I would...

twitch Level 6 Feb 12, 2018
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3

When I was younger, I was not too picky. I did too much of my thinking with the little head rather than my brain. Sex was the only think the little head thought about. Now, I am older and hopefully wiser, I want more than sex. I would rather be with someone that can hold an intelligent and stimulating conversation with me. She has to be smart, and be able to think for herself. Some years ago I turned away from a gorgeous woman, and turned down an offer to have sex with her after I got to know her. I dated her for a while and I did not want to jump in bed with her right away. I just lost interest in her due to her character. No one was more surprised than me when it happened.

noworry28 Level 7 Feb 12, 2018
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3

I suppose it would depend on how I feel at the time. I found that as I've gotten older I have gotten pickier. Also if a random person came up to me asking to have sex I would question what their real motivation was as that might seem to be to good to be true.

Chris_aka_C2 Level 5 Feb 12, 2018
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OK, a random person coming up and asking for sex? Never happens with people in their right mind. Crazy in lust because you are so gorgeous? That's more likely.

@Spinliesel
People in their right mind no. Between 2am and 4am at the gay bar yes.

Edited

@Chris_aka_C2 Good to know. Thanks, Chris!

3

Its been a few years for me, but she should be at least a little attractive.

JoeMastle Level 6 Feb 12, 2018
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2

The important information here is defining our term "attractive". Are we using conventional advertising airbrushed attractive? Or having discernable personality traits attractive? You see where I am going with this. The interesting discussion for me is the concept of hookups. If it is only about getting sexual satisfaction for the moment in the moment then attractive equals what I call sexy, available, willing and clean (so to speak) or clean enough anyway. I am not in the hookup stage of life any longer something I am enormously comfortable with. I am less willing to express sexual attraction unless it feels connected to other feelings of attraction. That takes time and shared experiences.

starstuff Level 2 Feb 12, 2018
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Interesting! It is personal. It is mostly 2 things. Aesthetics and Intelligence. In close quarters my sense of smell takes over. But brains are super sexy.

The greater part of a person's beauty cannot be perceived by the eyes alone. Realization of this, would in proper, natural order, occur in our youth. Because 'culture' intervenes, especially Patriarchal, sex negative culture, it takes many years to overcome damage. Decades as a professional model, surrounded by allegedly 'beautiful women' helped with the revelation. I could sit for lunch, after shows, with women who were all pleasing to the eye. Conversations, over time, revealed who among them were truly beautiful. The same principle applies at large to all people.

2

I'm way pickier than I was when younger. I wasn't raised to take any agency for myself, so when younger I tended to go out with whoever asked me to go out. Now I want to know more about people up front, and I have much higher standards - for instance, I will not go out with a believer or a Trump supporter. We're just not compatible.

AtlGeekWoman Level 5 Feb 12, 2018
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2

The older I get the more I find people attractive because of who they are, not what they look like. Even if the most attractive man or woman told me they wanted to have sex, if I didn't like that person I'd turn them down.

Runastar Level 3 Feb 12, 2018
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2

I am pickier. I've been on the market a long time and I've had to deal with a lot of shit so I deserve to be picky. I don't date much anymore but that's because I really don't like what's out there and I have a more than healthy disdain for the dating community at any rate. The only difference between now and when I was younger was when I was younger I had no options and no dates. Now I have plenty of options but I don't exactly like the options that have presented themselves. In the end dating as a means of distraction or whatever is pretty fucking dumb

IronHalo Level 4 Feb 12, 2018
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"I don't date much anymore but that's because I really don't like what's out there and I have a more than healthy disdain for the dating community at any rate."
You have that right.

2

For some odd reason I have found that I'm less picky about who I would date. But that's just been my experience. I don't doubt what you're saying is true. Some people probably do get more picky.

MrControversy Level 6 Feb 12, 2018
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2

I guess I am beyond that point. Now, I wish that I had not turned down those invitations.

Dwight Level 7 Feb 12, 2018
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2

In 47 years of life I've never had a woman come up to me and say that so I can't test your hypothesis. It'd be cool if it happend though!

EricTrommater Level 8 Feb 12, 2018
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1

Yes, I'm pickier. I'm not sure when that happened, but since 30 anyway. And no, I wouldn't have sex with an unattractive woman.

bingst Level 8 Feb 25, 2018
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1

Sex is all about attraction. I think that one grows more selective with age. This is actually a counter intuitive conclusion and it may be a projection. I know that this is the case with me.

I would gently turn it down.

norealgod Level 5 Feb 13, 2018
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1

I have to be attracted to someone. sex is a great experience and I don't get all the stigma about it. if it feels good and you aren't hurting anyone then do it I think.

LeighShelton Level 8 Feb 13, 2018
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1

Physical appearance is a non issue for me, though I certainly decline for other reasons, but then I always have even when well under 30.

Rugglesby Level 8 Feb 12, 2018
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