I had an interesting conversation today and it made me curious.
Mostly directed at male identifying people but anyone can answer
Those of you over 30, do you notice you are pickier about people you will hook up with?
If a women says I want to have sex now but she isn't attractive are you still going to have sex with her?
Tough question. My mind changed after having a kid. It's easy to see sex for what it is when the mystery is gone. I've passed on opportunities with the wrong people and surprised myself with others I wouldn't have considered. It has less to do with physical attraction these days and more to do with how relationships play out.
Dang! So I am probably going to sound old fashioned, but I am not the typical guy I suppose. I am pickier about women. I am more interested in my ability to talk to her than what she looks like. Although I won't say that looks don't mean anything to me. Having said that, I am not quick to jump in bed with someone. First meet, I would be inclined to say no regardless of how she looks. Of course, I have not been put in that situation yet. So maybe that has a lot to do with it. I don't necessarily feel comfortable with a women who wants sex before anything else. If that makes sense.
Hasn't happened to me...but if it did, it would go beyond any physical attraction. It would certainly never happen without knowing the woman first; her personality, her ambitions, her values. For me, sex is a mutual sharing, an exposing of one's most intimate, personal self, and not just knockin' boots in a rented hotel room. A person's beauty is on the inside, not the outside, and as they grow older [and 'lose their looks'] that becomes a lot more evident. There are a lot of beautiful people I would never even remotely consider having sex with, and a lot of beautiful souls whom I would...
When I was younger, I was not too picky. I did too much of my thinking with the little head rather than my brain. Sex was the only think the little head thought about. Now, I am older and hopefully wiser, I want more than sex. I would rather be with someone that can hold an intelligent and stimulating conversation with me. She has to be smart, and be able to think for herself. Some years ago I turned away from a gorgeous woman, and turned down an offer to have sex with her after I got to know her. I dated her for a while and I did not want to jump in bed with her right away. I just lost interest in her due to her character. No one was more surprised than me when it happened.
I suppose it would depend on how I feel at the time. I found that as I've gotten older I have gotten pickier. Also if a random person came up to me asking to have sex I would question what their real motivation was as that might seem to be to good to be true.
The important information here is defining our term "attractive". Are we using conventional advertising airbrushed attractive? Or having discernable personality traits attractive? You see where I am going with this. The interesting discussion for me is the concept of hookups. If it is only about getting sexual satisfaction for the moment in the moment then attractive equals what I call sexy, available, willing and clean (so to speak) or clean enough anyway. I am not in the hookup stage of life any longer something I am enormously comfortable with. I am less willing to express sexual attraction unless it feels connected to other feelings of attraction. That takes time and shared experiences.
I'm way pickier than I was when younger. I wasn't raised to take any agency for myself, so when younger I tended to go out with whoever asked me to go out. Now I want to know more about people up front, and I have much higher standards - for instance, I will not go out with a believer or a Trump supporter. We're just not compatible.
I am pickier. I've been on the market a long time and I've had to deal with a lot of shit so I deserve to be picky. I don't date much anymore but that's because I really don't like what's out there and I have a more than healthy disdain for the dating community at any rate. The only difference between now and when I was younger was when I was younger I had no options and no dates. Now I have plenty of options but I don't exactly like the options that have presented themselves. In the end dating as a means of distraction or whatever is pretty fucking dumb
Personally I have always been highly selective and have never been able to lower my standards. It's been a running joke with all of my friends, so of which are the atypical "dog" types that will hook up with anything with a pulse. I'd rather go without than to hook up with someone I personally find unattractive (physically and mentally). I don't find myself becoming more picky as I get older but my tolerance level for annoying people has definitely shot through the roof! With age I have zero patience for the "game" of hooking up, or the effort involved with the 2am booty call.