Years ago a friend of mine was traveling by car to an athletic event he was going to be in that was held in Mexico. He was tired and running late but had to stay awake. Sometimes he would stop the car and do pushups. On one such stop a local man with a burro walked by and laughed at him. He said "Oh, senor, she is gone."

the only logical conclusion is that squirrels come out,of eyedropper bottles

Funny story I read on Facebook a couple of years ago... one afternoon in a Sex Ed class, a student asked the (female) teacher "Is it true that semen tastes like almonds?" The teacher came back wiith "I don't know, I've never tasted almonds". lol

Our band were on a break and I went to the rest room. This was an old pub in south of England. The room was very small, just enough for two people. A guy came in and faced up to the urinal. I turned to him and said “Tiny one isn’t it?” He turned to me and said “Its the best I can do mate!” We both fell around laughing. Needless to say the second half of our act had a different type of humorous banter!

Had my neck busted in a bad car accident & was paralyzed from the neck down. Lying in bed for a few days, not being able to move, was real frightening, but I somehow managed to accept it. Didn't find it funny, but I didn't feel sorry for myself or worry about the future. Anyway, finally had surgery which corrected the problem (along with four months of rehab, I'm now able to walk & feed again). I certainly take everything in life a whole lot less seriously now than I did before the accident.

Funny story. My friend and I seen my husband truck parted outside a lumber store. And I had his extra keys. So as a joke I drove his truck to the other side of the parking lot, thinking I’ll wait about ten minutes then call him and confess. Funny huh. But I forgot, one hour later I got this call from my husband who said “ I’m real mad at you right now!” Go figure, anyway when he told me his story about his missing truck we both laughed.

All my hair related issues ended long ago.

I don't think so, there is a squirrel somewhere. You just have to find it.

A Little Grose but still hilarious

As background info my cat has a condition that causes him to take large poops

A few weeks ago, I am sitting on the couch in the living room watching TV, the cat goes by in front of my into the bathroom where his litter box is. After five or six minutes the cat streaks out of the bathroom pursued by a flying poop. The cat comes to a halt on the far side of the living room, at which point the poop catches the cat and hits it, thus scaring the cat and he takes off in the other direction, the poop, attached to the cat by a strand of hair imbedded in the poop and also still lodged up the cats ass, fly’s after the cat. At this point I am chasing the cat around the apartment with a role of TP in each hand.

The cleanup not funny

but the image of the cat being chased by his own giant poop still makes chuckle today

Funniest I can think of at the moment....
I was at the gyn getting examined on a lunch break from work. I was wearing pearls. I dressed to the 9's at the job- requirement, Anyway... I am nude in the robe and Dr. is doing a breast exam and she says "OH WOW THOSE ARE LOVELY...ARE THEY REAL" I laughed and said "YOU KNOW THEY ARE" LOL SHe busted out laughing .... " The Pearls.".

We were performing a rather intimate procedure on a sweet 85 yr old lady last week who coped with her humility with humor. She regaled us the entire time with the life story of her vagina in the third person. We were all laughing so hard (her included) that we could barely get through the procedure. Let me tell you, that lady lived a very full life.

Humorous?

Disclaimer: if you are a parent or an adult, you may not find this amusing. I do, though, so I'll share it.

When I was a youngster, while camping with my family, my older brother and I were out in the woods playing. I saw there was a steep cliff, with a drop of around thirty feet, and I got the brilliant idea to play a trick on my brother. So, I climbed down the cliff and laid down at the bottom as if I had fallen off the cliff. Well, my brother called for me and I didn't answer, acting like I was out cold. Next thing I heard was my brother yelling for my parents as he ran back to the camp site. I thought, "Uh oh!", so I climbed back up the cliff and started calmly walking towards the camp site. On the way back, my mother and father were running towards me with looks of horror on their faces and I tried to act as if nothing was wrong and as if I had no idea why they were so concerned. To make a short story long, when my parents saw me and realized what I had done, they didn't say a word, they walked calmly back to the camp site, packed up everything and drove home, not speaking to me the whole way. I don't remember how long it was before they said a word to me after this.

True story: When I was a Moron (oops, Mormon) missionary in Argentina, my companion and I went into a little family-owned shop to get a comb (Spanish peine). My companion tried to ask in his best Spanish, "Do you have a comb?" The lady at the counter turned beet red and ran into the back of the shop. Soon, her husband appeared, rolling up his sleeves and asking angrily what my companion wanted. At that point I had to jump in and explain that he asked if she had a peine (comb), but he mistakenly pronounced it pene (penis). Oh, my....

Used to have this little terrier-dog. A Maltese/Fox terrier mix. He was always free with his "sugar". He'd walk up and lick you in the face if you were family. One Sunday I was laying in front of the space heater, reading the newspaper. He walked up and licked me in the face. Ugh. His breath was kickin'. Just awful.

After a bit, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I got there I noticed he had knocked the bathroom trash over and there was little tiny bits of ick scatter all over the floor. Remnants of used feminine products. My daughter had been warned repeatedly to dispose of such, other than that trash can, since our little friend just loved to do what he had just done, to sweeten his breath.

Later that day, during a trip to the grocery store I was walking down the dog food isle. Our friend was low on food. I read the labels as I walked. Beef flavor, chicken flavor, salmon flavor, etc. Then it hit me. They don't carry the flavor he likes best!

True story: A couple months ago I was purchasing some cookies for my 90 year old dad. When the cashier rang them up, I began handing her the cash and said "here's your cookie dough". She looked at me confused, so I held up the cookies in one hand and said "cookie", then did the same with the cash and said "dough". She laughed a little then I said "It's a good thing I wasn't buying dill, huh?" Women were busting out laughing for three registers down.

I relieved a co-worker at the end of his shift. After he left, I noticed that he left his cell phone at work. I texted him about it. I got the message.

I was at work when my cell phone rang. Not on the desk, not on the table in back of my chair, not on the file cabinets. I had a reputation for leaving it in the break room, copy room or womans room and our receptionist calling (desk phone) to tell me it had been turned in. No luck this time and the ringing seemed closer to me than those areas. I asked my assistant to keep calling it so I could zero in on the location. Funny thing, every time I listened and turned toward the sound, the ringing location seemed to move also. Such a mystery - till I felt the back pocket of my slacks. That was the first time ever I carried it there. The embarrassment wasn't nearly as strong as the hilarity. Still makes me laugh.

It’s funny when we discover we’ve been the mysterious culprit all along. My similar story involves an eyebrow hair, TMI just at the mention of it ?