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Am I doomed relationship wise being a minority in a minority?

Coming from a black atheist, who numerous girls have either left me before a relationship could take place or during a relationship when I told them. It seems many black folk are ultra religious and any mention of nothing believing is just crazy.

By chas13
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40 comments

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7

I agree. I can’t really speak for other folks, but it certainly SEEMS like us black folks are more prickly about atheism than others. Guys I’ve dated are always pretty surprised at my nonbelief. Eve some of the biggest heathens around tend to look at you sideways.

Essie Level 6 Jan 8, 2019
5

As an aging asexual atheist in Alabama, you'll be fine. Don't be an asshat, bathe regularly, and practice empathy.
Also, if you're looking for someone to "complete you", you'll never be okay. A relationship is SHARING what you both have. Be cool with you WHILE you're looking. Invest in self-improvement so that you'll be an even better partner when the time comes.

Aware1 Level 4 Dec 17, 2018

Well said

4

20 and doomed? Jesus!

RiverRick Level 7 Dec 17, 2018

Hey, we've all been 20. It's a rough time for many.

@Carin I get it... I grew up during the cold war where the USSR was going to drop the "A" Bomb every other day.

@RiverRick I remember those drills from kindergarten--how on earth would that have protected us if an A bomb really had been dropped? I was 20 in the 80s though, & still fairly miserable. I don't think external factors are a main cause.

Edited

@Carin Wow, did you really have drills for that. In the UK we had some particularly silly Pubic Information films and that was about it. The whole British mentality was summed up in an animated film called When The Wind Blows. It showed the futility of those films but how we believed the government would save us! Very dark but worth a look if you get the chance.

@Geoffrey51 Yup! We watched "Duck and Cover" for the first few years of school. It taught you how to curl up in a ball and shield your face from the flash as well as crawling under your desk to protect yourself from falling rubble after the bomb went off. Even going into middle school and high school it seemed like it was DEFCON 1 every month or so.

4

You are 20 years old. Have patience.

Spinliesel Level 8 Dec 17, 2018
3

I have yet to understand why my Black brothas and sistas keep insisting on remaining slaves.

I agree with this but the answer isn't simple. For African slaves in America, Christianity and church was the only time they could congregate among each other. While the first generation may have done it out of necessity, for later generations it became belief and literally became part of the foundation for the culture. There is a reason many of us who grew up in church spent hours on hours there on Sunday. There is more to it than that obviously but the point is the church, sadly, runs very deep in our cultural identity. in America.

Edited
3

My girl's 1st ever boyfriend was black. He was and is the sweetest kid. They're still friends.
That said one of the reasons they broke up is he is very religious and my girl wasn't raised that way, on top of her being open minded socially.
She's your age. If you are willing to step outside your race that would widen the field.
There are a couple of young black girls on this site. One issue here is it seems the under 30 set don't hang around much or long. I've tried to get my girl to consider joining but she has no interest.
Posting raises your visibility.
Atheists are a fast growing segment of society. Just look at all the churches for sale on real estate sites.
Best wishes to you

Qualia Level 8 Dec 17, 2018

I completely agree!

2

Ain't just you brother. I'm a white man in a massively white area and I've been single 18 years partially because I believe in facts over fantasy.

motrubl4u Level 7 Feb 16, 2019

@calendarman nope. But it's two fold in my region. My two strikes are that I'm an Atheist AND I'm foreign DNA (as in not from here and well there's alot of tangled branches around here lol)

2

Yes, in a way. You have a tough row to hoe, no doubt. You are stuck in a racist society that hates atheists even more than any evil they can otherwise imagine. You sure as shit chose to add to your dilemma by being intelligent. That is the way of this US of A. Wish I could tell you different. Can't

Seeker3CO Level 7 Feb 16, 2019
2

Depends on your location I guess. I have dated a lot of black women and none of them seemed to care much about my Agnosticism. I'm obviously not a black man though and there might be something with black women who exclusively date black men that are religious and require their men to be religious. I think I have only known 1 really religious black woman and it was when I was like 20 or so. I live in NY though. It could be a combination of things.

I’ll second the part about location. It’s not easy for an atheist or agnostic, regardless of ethnicity, to hold a relationship anywhere along the Bible Belt.

@calendarman ?

2

Do you not want to date women of other races?

Carin Level 8 Dec 17, 2018

Good question. I believe he is just disheartened because you just about have to completely wipe out a whole race. Many people don't date outside their race. Times are changing. Just slowly. It also depends where you live as well. In the south. You can all but hang it up. Lol

2

You're only doomed if you think you are.

It may take a solid effort, and some time and patience, but there's someone out there for ya.

evergreen Level 8 Dec 17, 2018

@calendarman Actually no, sometimes it's all brown and dried up ...

2

You're to young to be worrying about that stuff. Enjoy yourself now. Work to invest in your own future. It will all turn out fine.

Byrdsfan Level 8 Dec 17, 2018
2

Yep , you are doomed . Merry Thingy!

Hebert54 Level 7 Dec 17, 2018

Not helpful.

@DoctoralZombie Grosing up helps

1

Ive asked myself this question many times. Feel ya pain bro

Tutankhamun Level 6 Feb 16, 2019
1

Oh...sounds like you will fit in quite well here. That's a compliment by the way. 😁☮️

1

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.

You just got here. Be patient. Give it a minute.

KKGator Level 9 Feb 16, 2019

@calendarman So, develop a "virtue". It's just like anything else. You can change your own behavior.

@calendarman In that case, if you really believe you cannot change your own behavior, you ARE "doomed".
Good luck going forward.

@calendarman Actually, we ARE talking about you. You made it about you when you decided to comment.
I also have no idea what you mean by "GATORAC". But whatthefuckever.

1

Yeah, I understand how you may see it that way. If you’re like me, It’s easy to have a negative outlook. You have to put the work in though. I know it’s easier said than done, and it’s not like I can always do it myself.

Good luck friend.

indirect76 Level 7 Feb 16, 2019
1

I have personally dated multiple black atheist men, and neither of those attributes are what caused me to stop dating them. If you're exclusively looking for a black girl, you're going to have a harder time finding a like minded soul (you are right about being a double minority there), but it's still not impossible. Good luck!

Minta79 Level 7 Feb 7, 2019

@calendarman well, they were very different from each other. Really, being black and atheist was about all they had in common. I'm not big on lumping people into groups, though. Big believer in individuality... Is there a reason you always do that caps and spaces thing with my name? That is my actual name...

1

Two thing my late wife and I never discussed,was religion and Politics 27 years,without a major fight,or drama,sure,some "Differences of opinions",but the cops were never called,and we went to bed together at night,respecting each other.

Mike1947 Level 7 Dec 22, 2018

What happens when you have kids? I mean do you let them indoctrinate them? It could also work both ways.

1

I’ve been married to a religous woman for 43 years and it’s not that much of a problem as we’ve agreed not to discuss religion or my lack of religion.

Trajan61 Level 8 Dec 21, 2018
1

I definitely feel your pain. You might have to date outside your race.

MrChange Level 7 Dec 20, 2018
1

Hang in there. You will find someone. Not all black females are religious fools. I'm sure are some enlightened ones in this country some where.

freedom41 Level 7 Dec 18, 2018

😂😂😂"somewhere"

1

You'll find someone

skepticaljerk Level 4 Dec 18, 2018
1

You'll find someone that appreciates you for you. It just takes time and patience. Also, don't compromise in this either. I've dated my fair share of "believers" and it always goes bad.

JoeVZ Level 4 Dec 17, 2018
1

no one is doomed unless they consider themselves doomed.

g

genessa Level 8 Dec 17, 2018
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