After 10 years of research, Dr Brené Brown found that there is an epidemic of shame in the U.S. No doubt, this shame epidemic is not limited to the U.S.
For many, it may take quite a while and a lot of hard work to overcome years of indoctrination from shame/fear based religions, primary caregivers, and society in general.
Dr Paul Eckman, from the University of California, states that shame is the most private of emotions and that humans have yet to evolve a facial expression that clearly communicates it.
Psychiatrist Peter Loader states that people cover up or compensate for deep feelings of shame with attitudes of contempt, superiority, domineering or bullying, self-deprecation, or obsessive perfectionism.
The findings from Dr Brown’s research also showed that shame is highly correlated with depression, addictions, and eating disorders.
"A child’s self-identity is shaped around the things they hear about themselves. A study of schoolchildren found that only 4% had not been the targets of adult shaming; including “rejecting, demeaning, terrorizing, criticizing (destructively), or insulting statements” (Solomon & Serres, 1999).
While it took years to atrophy the negative wiring,
I am unashamed for being myself.
I am unashamed for being true to myself.
I am unashamed for having loose skin after significant weight loss.
I am unashamed for having stretch marks caused by pregnancy and weight gain.
I am unashamed for sagging breasts caused by mastitis, nursing and gravity.
I am unashamed for not meeting cultural standards of beauty.
**I am unashamed for being female.
What are you unashamed of?
I use to be ashamed of my physical body due to being born with Cerebral Palsy, It took my a long time to understand that your physical outside doesn't make who you are as a person. When I was younger, I was not a nice person inside and in turn made me a bad person period. Once I learn to like myself, and then as a person I changed.
I am unashamed of my bisexual tendencies.
I am unashamed of being polyamorous.
I am unashamed of being an anti-theist.
I am unashamed of being an atheist.
I am unashamed of being an apostate.
I am unashamed of surviving trauma (RTS, PTSD, medical).
I am unashamed of unconventional parenting.
I am unashamed of being a sexual person.
I have done things in my life of which I am not proud, and which I will not repeat. Those transgressions were ones of human weakness and poor judgment. Over those things I feel regret, not shame. Bu \, at age 81, t am not ashamed of myself or of my life as a whole. I feel that I have done pretty well, given the circumstances I came from. I am comfortable with who I am and with the path of my life. .
I am unashamed for speaking my mind. Lately I've been having a Pam from The Office phase in which I am more outwardly honest. I used to keep my opinion to myself at work or family gatherings, but now not so much. I'm defending things I stand for, and rebuking things that are hateful or bigoted. I will no longer sit quietly at the table while my dad makes racist or sexist comments. I will not let my coworker's scientifically unfounded statement go unchallenged.
You know what? Up until tonight, I could have said I was ashamed of many things, but something about this post struck a chord with me. To all those who were happy to let me find, hold and wallow in guilt I say "I forgive you". To the Catholic Religion that taught me everything I know about shame and guilt I say..."I forgive you". To all those who feel like they are in a place to judge me, I say...."I forgive you". I am no longer buying into any assessments of me but my own. Who on this earth can tell us more about ourselves than us? Thank you Victoria, for showing me what $100 an hour therapists failed to.
I'm unashamed for expressing my thoughts and emotions in earnest. Granted, they're not constructive or even coherent at times, but I literally feel uneasy when I have to sit on extreme emotions or any emotions. My mom on many occasions has told me to "not cry". As a black woman, we're taught to "be strong" and because of cultural conditioning, I have to put on a front and pretend which has caused me to be even more fragile. I've stopped doing that.
I'm unashamed of who I date; because my family has ribbed, teased and sometimes outright became hostile because of me dating men who aren't black exclusively. If anyone who has seen my history with men of my own race, then you'd know. I don't hate or disparage them, I just don't feel anything towards them. They can date women of different races, but not let us do it? Fuck that.
I'm unashamed of being mentally ill most of all. I HAVE clinical anxiety. I have clinical depression. I have OCD and complex PTSD and fear of being social (probably more that can't be diagnosed at this time i.e: mild autism spectrum) I make no apologies for what seems to be "laziness" because I don't work, or leaving the room abruptly because of the noise level and extreme stimuli. I don't apologize for having panic attacks either. I don't apologize for bringing awareness to it, nor do I apologize for having it. Every day I wish I was neurotypical, I won't lie. My shame comes with me trying to kill myself, because I think I'm a mistake and that I ruin lives, because my family not only can't, but refuses to understand me and don't get me started on society. I used to lie about myself as to not scare dates or new friends. I still feel like I need to, because anytime there's a mass shooting, they blame people like me. So I guess I'm not as unashamed, just unapologetic for something I never asked for.
I am unashamed of the fact that I am a strong, outspoken, smart woman who won't back down from an argument if I'm right. (If I am shown new evidence that shows I'm wrong, of course I back down -- didin't I say I was smart?) I had a successful career in a male dominated field and held a number of leadership positions in the organization. Some people (usually men) tried to get me to soften up, but I ignored them. The most frequent adjective that was used to describe me was 'intimidating.' I LOVED it.
This really made me think. I have been ashamed for so long, for many reasons. I am just starting to accept myself for the person I am.
I am not ashamed of my caring, giving heart! I was shamed for too long by an ex friend for being that type of person with everyone but him. I am no longer ashamed. Instead, I need to be a little more guarded of who, how much, and why.
I once bad mouthed a boss over the phone and he (unbeknownst to me) was literally right around the corner and heard the whole thing! I was ashamed of it. While he had some shortcomings, he simply didn't deserve my bashing him like that. He called me in his office and it was so awkward and awful. This still gets me many years later.
I'm not ashamed of anything, because I've done nothing to be ashamed of in word and deed. I try to lead a good life. I work hard at it. I can't always say that about myself. I was a total asshole when I was in my teens and up to my mid-20s, for several reasons. A large part of it was not having gone through life's requisite knocks and dings—those really tough landings that either make you a better person or turn you into an embittered cynic. I wish that I could have been a better person way back in the day, but since there's nothing I can do about it, I've moved on and learned not to repeat the same mistakes.
i am unashamed for being who, what & how i am, with or without reason or excuse.
i am unashamed for having no ambition.
i am unashamed for being left without libido, yet still yearning for male companionship.
i am unashamed for having given up on establishing a relationship with either of my siblings.
i am unashamed of often wishing to be by my self, or rather share my time with independant animals than humans.
i am unashamed of living the life of a spoiled, retired nomad, member of the privileged society of the western "civilised" world.
i am unashamed of knowing shame, in particular body shame & my lifelong struggle against it.
i am unashamed of being, just being.
I'm not really ashamed of anything about myself. I'm a little embarrassed about how much weight I've put on over the last few years, but life circumstances and health issues have put me in this position, and there's not much I can do about it right now. Everything I've been through and every decision I've made has helped create the person I've become. I've learned to embrace that, mistakes and all. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, so as long as you learn the lesson presented, there's not really anything to be ashamed of, in my opinion.
Shame=the religious lies of original inherited species SIN. ...a Norwegian word meaning miss the mark in archery. ...the fucked up King James bibles have been mistranslated at least 5 times from hebrew, aramaic, greek, latin, german et al into middle english. ...the alleged purification rituals of baptism and eucharist....turning grape juice&crackers into magic blood&skin to eat cannibal spirit delusions