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What are you unashamed of?

After 10 years of research, Dr Brené Brown found that there is an epidemic of shame in the U.S. No doubt, this shame epidemic is not limited to the U.S.

For many, it may take quite a while and a lot of hard work to overcome years of indoctrination from shame/fear based religions, primary caregivers, and society in general.

Dr Paul Eckman, from the University of California, states that shame is the most private of emotions and that humans have yet to evolve a facial expression that clearly communicates it.

Psychiatrist Peter Loader states that people cover up or compensate for deep feelings of shame with attitudes of contempt, superiority, domineering or bullying, self-deprecation, or obsessive perfectionism.

The findings from Dr Brown’s research also showed that shame is highly correlated with depression, addictions, and eating disorders.

"A child’s self-identity is shaped around the things they hear about themselves. A study of schoolchildren found that only 4% had not been the targets of adult shaming; including “rejecting, demeaning, terrorizing, criticizing (destructively), or insulting statements” (Solomon & Serres, 1999).

While it took years to atrophy the negative wiring,

I am unashamed for being myself.
I am unashamed for being true to myself.
I am unashamed for having loose skin after significant weight loss.
I am unashamed for having stretch marks caused by pregnancy and weight gain.
I am unashamed for sagging breasts caused by mastitis, nursing and gravity.
I am unashamed for not meeting cultural standards of beauty.
**I am unashamed for being female.

What are you unashamed of?

By VictoriaNotes
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35 comments

11

I use to be ashamed of my physical body due to being born with Cerebral Palsy, It took my a long time to understand that your physical outside doesn't make who you are as a person. When I was younger, I was not a nice person inside and in turn made me a bad person period. Once I learn to like myself, and then as a person I changed.

Dawg1959 Level 2 Dec 24, 2018
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7

I feel proud to be an atheist, feminist, Democrat and a strong, independent woman

LiterateHiker Level 8 Dec 23, 2018
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7

I am unashamed of my bisexual tendencies.
I am unashamed of being polyamorous.
I am unashamed of being an anti-theist.
I am unashamed of being an atheist.
I am unashamed of being an apostate.
I am unashamed of surviving trauma (RTS, PTSD, medical).
I am unashamed of unconventional parenting.
I am unashamed of being a sexual person.

Charity Level 7 Dec 23, 2018
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Good heavens...now pat yourself on the back for being you!!!. You sound awesomely human to me.

@Seeker55 She is. Charity is a dear friend and someone I really admire.

@VictoriaNotes Thank you, V! You're an incredible friend. I love you with all of my heart. You are like a dear sister to me. You give me so much support. You're sweet and smart. I'm so glad you're in my life. You've been a dear friend for at least five years now. Thank you for all of your love and advice. Knowing you has been a privilege and honor that I'll always cherish!

Edited

@Charity "Knowing you has been a privilege and honor that I'll always cherish!

Ditto, my sister, my friend. 🤗

To this I would simply say give yourself a break and cut yourself some slack.

@Ron_R Thanks for the encouragement.

@Charity Well....we are all sexual, no? And these days, what even is conventional parenting!?! And...lots of people are agnostic or atheists. So what? Poly this or that, whatever. I can't speak for trauma or PTSD. Anyhow, life is (or can be) short. Do the best you can, apologize when you do something wrong than move on and try to enjoy it!

6

I have done things in my life of which I am not proud, and which I will not repeat. Those transgressions were ones of human weakness and poor judgment. Over those things I feel regret, not shame. Bu \, at age 81, t am not ashamed of myself or of my life as a whole. I feel that I have done pretty well, given the circumstances I came from. I am comfortable with who I am and with the path of my life. .

wordywalt Level 8 Dec 23, 2018
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Nicely put

5

I am unashamed for speaking my mind. Lately I've been having a Pam from The Office phase in which I am more outwardly honest. I used to keep my opinion to myself at work or family gatherings, but now not so much. I'm defending things I stand for, and rebuking things that are hateful or bigoted. I will no longer sit quietly at the table while my dad makes racist or sexist comments. I will not let my coworker's scientifically unfounded statement go unchallenged.

EarthKate Level 5 Dec 24, 2018
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5

THANK YOU I am unashamed to be a proud atheist, Buddhist, Black man.

VnWriter Level 3 Dec 23, 2018
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smile001.gif YW

5

You know what? Up until tonight, I could have said I was ashamed of many things, but something about this post struck a chord with me. To all those who were happy to let me find, hold and wallow in guilt I say "I forgive you". To the Catholic Religion that taught me everything I know about shame and guilt I say..."I forgive you". To all those who feel like they are in a place to judge me, I say...."I forgive you". I am no longer buying into any assessments of me but my own. Who on this earth can tell us more about ourselves than us? Thank you Victoria, for showing me what $100 an hour therapists failed to.

Seeker55 Level 8 Dec 23, 2018
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Kris, thank you for your friendship. 💛

@VictoriaNotes No Victoria....thank you for yours!!!!! You have given me my best "aha" moment yet.

@Seeker55 I'm profoundly touched!

@VictoriaNotes What you are is profoundly intelligent and wise....

@Seeker55 🤗

3

I'm unashamed for expressing my thoughts and emotions in earnest. Granted, they're not constructive or even coherent at times, but I literally feel uneasy when I have to sit on extreme emotions or any emotions. My mom on many occasions has told me to "not cry". As a black woman, we're taught to "be strong" and because of cultural conditioning, I have to put on a front and pretend which has caused me to be even more fragile. I've stopped doing that.
I'm unashamed of who I date; because my family has ribbed, teased and sometimes outright became hostile because of me dating men who aren't black exclusively. If anyone who has seen my history with men of my own race, then you'd know. I don't hate or disparage them, I just don't feel anything towards them. They can date women of different races, but not let us do it? Fuck that.

I'm unashamed of being mentally ill most of all. I HAVE clinical anxiety. I have clinical depression. I have OCD and complex PTSD and fear of being social (probably more that can't be diagnosed at this time i.e: mild autism spectrum) I make no apologies for what seems to be "laziness" because I don't work, or leaving the room abruptly because of the noise level and extreme stimuli. I don't apologize for having panic attacks either. I don't apologize for bringing awareness to it, nor do I apologize for having it. Every day I wish I was neurotypical, I won't lie. My shame comes with me trying to kill myself, because I think I'm a mistake and that I ruin lives, because my family not only can't, but refuses to understand me and don't get me started on society. I used to lie about myself as to not scare dates or new friends. I still feel like I need to, because anytime there's a mass shooting, they blame people like me. So I guess I'm not as unashamed, just unapologetic for something I never asked for.

Stepmomofdragons Level 7 Jan 4, 2019
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3

I am unashamed of the fact that I am a strong, outspoken, smart woman who won't back down from an argument if I'm right. (If I am shown new evidence that shows I'm wrong, of course I back down -- didin't I say I was smart?) I had a successful career in a male dominated field and held a number of leadership positions in the organization. Some people (usually men) tried to get me to soften up, but I ignored them. The most frequent adjective that was used to describe me was 'intimidating.' I LOVED it.

ladyprof70 Level 7 Jan 2, 2019
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3

I am unashamed for believing the truth matters more than feelings, in this political climate in this religious world.

MLinoge Level 6 Dec 29, 2018
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I share the same view and I get myself in trouble because of it!

3

This really made me think. I have been ashamed for so long, for many reasons. I am just starting to accept myself for the person I am.

I am not ashamed of my caring, giving heart! I was shamed for too long by an ex friend for being that type of person with everyone but him. I am no longer ashamed. Instead, I need to be a little more guarded of who, how much, and why.

angelashupe Level 4 Dec 25, 2018
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3

I am ashamed that I must mention his name is spelled Ekman

DoctoralZombie Level 7 Dec 24, 2018
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Ralph Waldo Emerson gave commencement address heard the 1st day student future President Garfield arrived upon campus...in his White House diary: "that was the day my intellectual life began" as he abandoned his childhood country bumpkin preacher career Ohio

I am unashamed to admit I have dyslexia. Thanks for the correction.

3

The world only makes you who you are not, if you let it. I learned in my mid twenties the only way to like me and my life was to just be me. It was a great awakening, and l am glad l figured it out so young.

Sticks48 Level 8 Dec 23, 2018
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3

I once bad mouthed a boss over the phone and he (unbeknownst to me) was literally right around the corner and heard the whole thing! I was ashamed of it. While he had some shortcomings, he simply didn't deserve my bashing him like that. He called me in his office and it was so awkward and awful. This still gets me many years later.

Ron_R Level 7 Dec 23, 2018
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I really relate to this and appreciate your bringing this up... because there are lots of times I've acted like a jerk which I really regret. When I was about 15 I was directing some younger kids in a play. One of the tween girls in the play forgot her lines in the one and only performance and, when she got offstage, I pretty much yelled at her for not being serious enough about it. She was upset and I felt like crap acting that way. I saw her at University about 7-8 years later and waved hello but, I could tell, she still thought I was a total bitch... which I was. So... still ashamed, but trying to move past it. smile003.gif

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3

I'm unashamed by my feet. Its not normal for a guy who is five foot eight to have a fifteen shoe size.

Bendog Level 7 Dec 23, 2018
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Hey, you could water ski without skis.

@callmedubious I never need snow shoes.

3

I am unashamed of admitting I am wrong when I realize that I am

richiegtt Level 7 Dec 23, 2018
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Good one!

2

I live in Chicago and I like 7-11 pizza.

DeStijl Level 6 Jan 2, 2019
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Price is right and made to order FAST

@GreenAtheist Hey, you've got multiple accounts. Not cool.

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2

I'm not ashamed of anything, because I've done nothing to be ashamed of in word and deed. I try to lead a good life. I work hard at it. I can't always say that about myself. I was a total asshole when I was in my teens and up to my mid-20s, for several reasons. A large part of it was not having gone through life's requisite knocks and dings—those really tough landings that either make you a better person or turn you into an embittered cynic. I wish that I could have been a better person way back in the day, but since there's nothing I can do about it, I've moved on and learned not to repeat the same mistakes.

LaRaconteur Level 4 Dec 26, 2018
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2

... & i quite like this one, from one of Armistead Maupin's books: the world changes in direct proportion to the number of people willing to be honest about their lives. different wording, similar effect.

walklightly Level 8 Dec 24, 2018
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2

i am unashamed for being who, what & how i am, with or without reason or excuse.
i am unashamed for having no ambition.
i am unashamed for being left without libido, yet still yearning for male companionship.
i am unashamed for having given up on establishing a relationship with either of my siblings.
i am unashamed of often wishing to be by my self, or rather share my time with independant animals than humans.
i am unashamed of living the life of a spoiled, retired nomad, member of the privileged society of the western "civilised" world.
i am unashamed of knowing shame, in particular body shame & my lifelong struggle against it.
i am unashamed of being, just being.

walklightly Level 8 Dec 24, 2018
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2

I'm not really ashamed of anything about myself. I'm a little embarrassed about how much weight I've put on over the last few years, but life circumstances and health issues have put me in this position, and there's not much I can do about it right now. Everything I've been through and every decision I've made has helped create the person I've become. I've learned to embrace that, mistakes and all. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, so as long as you learn the lesson presented, there's not really anything to be ashamed of, in my opinion.

MikeyNineToes Level 2 Dec 24, 2018
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2

Shame=the religious lies of original inherited species SIN. ...a Norwegian word meaning miss the mark in archery. ...the fucked up King James bibles have been mistranslated at least 5 times from hebrew, aramaic, greek, latin, german et al into middle english. ...the alleged purification rituals of baptism and eucharist....turning grape juice&crackers into magic blood&skin to eat cannibal spirit delusions

GreenAtheist Level 8 Dec 24, 2018
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2

I am unashamed of being a staunch conservative pro gun atheist.

Trajan61 Level 8 Dec 24, 2018
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2

I use to be ashamed of being overweight.....but these days i love me some Tim.

twshield Level 8 Dec 23, 2018
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I love me some Tim, too. smile001.gif

@VictoriaNotes Why thank you Victoria! Such a Great lady smile001.gif

2

I'm unashamed of being unable to abide BS, propganda & lies from anyone or any source.

callmedubious Level 6 Dec 23, 2018
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