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QUESTION Why Women Aged 35 45 Are Single and Unhappy The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness - YouTube

Last week I was approached by a man and asked on a date. I politely declined, with a smile, and made sure to add that it wasn’t him, I am just really happy the way my life is at the moment, and I am choosing to focus on other things, like school, my career, and my son.

This spurred the most weird debate. His mates eventually joined in, telling me that I’m not really happy. They somehow brought feminists up, how they are ruining the world. They told me my independence was going to make me wind up miserable and alone.

I told them the only time I was ever truly miserable was when I was in a miserable relationship, and they had only met me 20 minutes prior. How could they possibly know how happy I am? As a matter of fact, the man who approached me to ask for a date was attracted to me because of my smile and laughter. His pick-up line was that my eyes twinkled when I laughed, and my smile “lit up the entire room”. So, why now, after I rejected him, does he think I’m an unhappy person?

Today, a week later, he sent me this YouTube video. I could only get through the first 4 minutes before laughing about how ridiculous this all was. And the comment section for this video is astounding, so full of machismo and assumptions on how women really feel.

“When a woman says she is independent and strong, I immediately write her off.”

“All these stupid feminazis are finally getting their equality, and now they are suffering for it, because they can’t handle it.”

“These women are broken anyway.”

“These bitches are unhappy anyway. They are probably crazy. No guy wants a miserable woman like them.”

“These women aren’t choosing to be single. They are just unfuckable, miserable whores that no man wants to deal with their bullshit.”

Wow. Is this how men really feel about women who choose to be single? Why is it that when a man decides to be single because he claims he is happier that way, it’s easily accepted? He’s a guy’s guy. He’s a “confirmed bachelor”. There’s no negative connotation to it. But when a girl chooses to be single because they are happier that way, it’s immediately met with “they aren’t really happy”. Or “it’s not really her choice, she’s just an unfuckable spinster”?

This is another reason I appreciate the men in this group in particular. There was a post a while back, a poll on whether you were single and looking, single and not looking, married and looking etc. Some women said they were single, but not looking. They were quite happy with their lives. The men here seemed to accept those answers.

What is your take on this video, and/or the comments in the comment section? Did this man send me this video because he truly believes I am unhappy? Or did I just bruise his fragile ego, and this is passive-aggression?

IndySent 7 Feb 18
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49 comments (26 - 49)

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2

I will watch the video, but I don't need to in order to comment on the guy you are talking about: yeah, you probably bruised his fragile little ego, who gives a flying f***? He has no right to any expectation of anything from you. If you say you're happy, and your behaviour doesn't blatantly say otherwise, then I would assume you're happy. And if you're not interested in a relationship, well, end of story.

Watched about 2/3 of the vid, got bored. It's 19th century thinking.

2

I admit that "confirmed bachelor" just screams GAY!!! to me.

Too many men feel that way. Or at least, talk that way.

2

By the way, just as an FYI, you do have a smile that would light up an entire room.

@IndySent LOL!

@IndySent Such things you say!

1

Wow do you need to hang out somewhere else!!!

@maturin1919 yes,but it saddened me all over again.

1

"What is your take on this video, and/or the comments in the comment section? Did this man send me this video because he truly believes I am unhappy? Or did I just bruise his fragile ego, and this is passive-aggression?"

I'd say that is one asshole you can safely write off. How did all this fem-nazi bullshit get started? I wouldn't doubt a couple of outspoken proponents may take things too far on occasion, but why characterize an entire movement based on an out-lier? Women's roles, expectations, wage discrepancies and the abysmal way so many men treat their wives as drudge laborers is appalling. It seems to me that many of the same nuts that scream fem-nazi at the drop of a hat are also the ones whining about not getting laid and feeling their entitlements are not being respected, the 'incels'.

1

You wounded his ego. Not sure of the context,as to how well you put him down, but you obviously did a good job, so well done. That said, sometimes it is nice to be let down gently. I'm recently divorced and now re-learning how to introduce myself to women, with appearing to be a predator or just released from the loony bin, the latter is always plausible, but it's an interesting journey.

1

Really, I tried to listen to this guy but I wasn't willing to go the distance of an hour and a half. When the opposite sex is telling you how you really feel when they don't really know, tell them to Fuck off. If you're happy and someone tells you you're not, don't buy into the BS, tell them to Fuck off. Sadly, there are so many people out there looking for answers and find what they believe to be true. It's really in earnest. BUT when they're wrong. Tell them to Fuck off. Go Fuck with someone else. Then with a twinkle in your eye accompanied by your best smile. Walk away, quickly.

SamL Level 7 Mar 2, 2018
1

It is about him and his problems and not about you. I did not bother watching the video, I have heard and seen the defense of sexism enough. I have been a feminist and my 30's were one of the funniest and happiest times of my life. I did not have a perm. partner and I wasn't looking for one. I was unhappy when I picked a semi-perm partner and left because he was a closet sexist. I don't think some men understand that men are feminists too. I don't think some people have a clue what feminism really means. My interpretation. is don't be sexist or mean to anyone and take a stand against mistreatment based on sex by males or females. I guess that would be 4th wave feminism. That being said, it is nice to have someone to share life with that respects you and loves you for you but not necessary.

1

Couldn't get through the video, either. The lecturer struck me as extremely self important and quite dull. From what I did glean from it, your would-be suitor was definitely exhibiting passive aggressive behavior for sending that.

1

Okay, shutting this drivel off. I couldn't just watch it, so tried to run it in the background. Somewhere a little after 19 minutes, he made some kind of reference about the failure of society being linked to the decrease of interest in the church.

Not all the stuff he's saying is totally off - in fact most of it is the most recycled set of factoids I've ever heard.

1

A lot of men can't imagine their function in life if they can't serve as the saviour of some other person, so a person that doesn't NEED them is anathema to their entire reason to exist. They need to needed so they can assign a value to their own lives. They are, in fact, unable to imagine being complete without another person relying on them to supposedly complete the other person. It's a pretty vicious emotional cycle. If you can't imagine being able to live without another person, how can you hope to be able to be enough of a person to be a good partner to someone else?

In the 47 years since my birth, I have never required another human to breath for me, to pump my blood, or do anything to ensure my continued existence (minus basic maintenance necessary during childhood, but you get what I'm saying lol), but I have always wanted someone to be there beside me to share with, to be supportive of and to receive support from in times of need, to give comfort to and get comfort from, to make laugh and who makes me laugh, on and on, etc., etc., etc.

In other words, a partner to share life with.

Men like that will never be truly happy, because they'll never know what they should truly be looking for. If they weren't such dicks, I'd pity them. Instead, I'll pity the people who have to suffer their idiocy.

Yeah, he was being passive aggressive, but he was also trying to validate his view of his reason to exist. I suppose you should be thankful it wasn't just a video of dick pics lol

1

Based on just your post, which I read in its entirety, that guy sounds like he has some issues. He's probably not used to being turned down, because the girls that are eating up the attention he's spewing out are probably in desperate need of it. My guess is, he's not a happy person himself. Which is why he has to deflect that fact onto someone else, rather than own the truth. It a crazy world out there full of fucked up people. I'm just hoping I can eventually find someone who is as grounded as I am, and wants the same things. Only you can decide what makes you happy.

1

The same Mark Anastasi who is claiming to cure diabetes in 90 days?

1

Sometimes I really do wonder how women put up with this sort of crap from men. Between sexism, physical and emotional abuse, harassment, and sometimes murder, I often think perhaps women are better off without men.

1

AlexJones wannabe, doesn't have the slightest idea about how to define and support a point....just drones on with weak correlations until he gets to god or lack of. Waste of brain cells and time.

1

Stupid women do the same thing to men, try to break them down in hopes that they can drop you to their level. The amount of sexism on this site amazes me, and no one realizes they are sexist.

@IndySent then talk to a therapist, this is a discussion forum, people have a right to say anything that relates as long as it’s not offensive. I’m done with you assholes. I’m done letting stupid, shallow, and disrespectful people ruin my peace. I would just block everyone who’s an ass, but there are just too few good people. It would not kill any of you to open your minds, and stop judging people for things that don’t matter.

0

The video sounds like more of the same bullshit propagated by the Nation of Islam and the US fundamentalist christian movement. They think ancient archetypes are the only possible method of making mankind happy. It's all a bunch of hooey. Of course those roles are pounded into our heads ad nauseum for years so many will fall in line with their thoughts. But those who arent sheep will think for themselves and move beyond that crap. If their view had been true then man would never have converted from hunter-gatherer to farmer and civilization would never have been born. Again - it's all hooey.

0

Really, I tried to listen to this guy but I wasn't willing to go the distance of an hour and a half. When the opposite sex is telling you how you really feel when they don't really know, tell them to Fuck off. If you're happy and someone tells you you're not, don't buy into the BS, tell them to Fuck off. Sadly, there are so many people out there looking for answers and find what they believe to be true. It's really in earnest. BUT when they're wrong. Tell them to Fuck off. Go Fuck with someone else. Then with a twinkle in your eye accompanied by your best smile. Walk away, quickly.

SamL Level 7 Mar 2, 2018
0

“When a woman says she is independent and strong ...", then she's got my attention.

0

I’m sorry. There’re a lot of men who are ignorant assholes. Why couldn’t a woman be happy alone? When I was in the service I was treated similarly. I was in the service and felt no desire to get seriously attached. Moving around as much as I did wasn't good for a ltr. The wives of my friends would just look at me like I was a freak. They’d politely ask what I was waiting for. Coworkers would look at me like I was gay. Yet I saw the same wives go out to the eclub as soon as their husbands were deployed picking up young sailors. And I saw their husbands on deployment picking up girls like they weren’t married.
Anyway, I m sorry. Sometimes the human race makes me want to become a hermit.

0

I think it's odd that she would give him her number after the exchange she described.

Either way, it comes down to respect. Guys who don't respect women, won't respect their decisions.

Marz Level 7 Feb 18, 2018
0

I am not going to watch his video, but I am just appalled that happened to you. Even if he had not sent you the video I would still be appalled at his/their reaction to you. I cannot imagine turning on someone like that right after I just tried to get closer to them. Where they intoxicated? Its hard for me to believe these guys, whom one of which had just asked you out, would sit right there and say those things straight to you... But you are in Norway, right? I guess I don't know what the culture is there.

By the way, how did he send you a video? Did you give him your email address?

I'm not going to watch it either. Stuff like this tends to get me riled up. It seems that this sort of thing is not that uncommon in the U.S., and apparently in Norway too.

This Conversation transpired In a Grocery Store? Let me guess, it was in the produce isle, while you were picking out the best looking cucumber. Your hands met just as the two of you reached for the same perfect one... Not too big, not too small. Then your eyes locked, BAM! Oh yeah baby! I've seen this movie. No wonder he was disappointed. That's a once in a lifetime fantasy opportunity. @IndySent

0

That is a sad state of affairs. Why is it wrong for someone to be single and happy? For that matter I run into people that tell me I can't really feel a certian type of love because I have never had children....

0

Depression. ADHD. Oprah's "woo" .... Shit never ends . I suppose that (I shut off the babble, I mean video, @ 2:45 btw). Think....just think of not only our species but ALL of the animals in the world.......where did this happiness shit come from? We work, we eat and on a good day we celebrate......but mostly we survive and the lucky ones prosper. I PROSPER because I choose to

twill Level 7 Feb 18, 2018
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