Last week I was approached by a man and asked on a date. I politely declined, with a smile, and made sure to add that it wasn’t him, I am just really happy the way my life is at the moment, and I am choosing to focus on other things, like school, my career, and my son.
This spurred the most weird debate. His mates eventually joined in, telling me that I’m not really happy. They somehow brought feminists up, how they are ruining the world. They told me my independence was going to make me wind up miserable and alone.
I told them the only time I was ever truly miserable was when I was in a miserable relationship, and they had only met me 20 minutes prior. How could they possibly know how happy I am? As a matter of fact, the man who approached me to ask for a date was attracted to me because of my smile and laughter. His pick-up line was that my eyes twinkled when I laughed, and my smile “lit up the entire room”. So, why now, after I rejected him, does he think I’m an unhappy person?
Today, a week later, he sent me this YouTube video. I could only get through the first 4 minutes before laughing about how ridiculous this all was. And the comment section for this video is astounding, so full of machismo and assumptions on how women really feel.
“When a woman says she is independent and strong, I immediately write her off.”
“All these stupid feminazis are finally getting their equality, and now they are suffering for it, because they can’t handle it.”
“These women are broken anyway.”
“These bitches are unhappy anyway. They are probably crazy. No guy wants a miserable woman like them.”
“These women aren’t choosing to be single. They are just unfuckable, miserable whores that no man wants to deal with their bullshit.”
Wow. Is this how men really feel about women who choose to be single? Why is it that when a man decides to be single because he claims he is happier that way, it’s easily accepted? He’s a guy’s guy. He’s a “confirmed bachelor”. There’s no negative connotation to it. But when a girl chooses to be single because they are happier that way, it’s immediately met with “they aren’t really happy”. Or “it’s not really her choice, she’s just an unfuckable spinster”?
This is another reason I appreciate the men in this group in particular. There was a post a while back, a poll on whether you were single and looking, single and not looking, married and looking etc. Some women said they were single, but not looking. They were quite happy with their lives. The men here seemed to accept those answers.
What is your take on this video, and/or the comments in the comment section? Did this man send me this video because he truly believes I am unhappy? Or did I just bruise his fragile ego, and this is passive-aggression?
Completely a passive aggressive move by him. Proof positive that sexism is alive and thriving. I fear for my daughter's future. And the futures of all women. There will be a backlash in response to the women's movement happening. Just as history has shown us before. Women are looked at as object, possessions, and subservient. I have always chosen partners that were strong independent women. One's that weren't with me out of need, but out of their own want and desire. It is the single most important quality for me.
Most men have this entitlement and desire to control everything. Women are not objects to be controlled, groped, or any other forms of manipulation.
Look at his sharing this video with you as a timesaver. You have wasted an hour and a half of your time as opposed to 17 years, You can move on from him and figure out what you really want to focus on in life- whether that is a relationship, school, your kids, you, or anything else.
I am not going to watch the video, but at 65, men on the one dating site where I still have a profile (I do not count this site as "dating" ) consistently tell me that I am unhappy and bitter--without having met me. They tell me that I am going to wind up alone and am not able to get a man.
Um, I AM ALREADY alone, and by choice. "Getting" a man is easy, even at my great age: finding one worth my time is damned hard. These men are desperate and their fear is staying alone as they age: they project their fears on me (and other women).
You bruised his ego; I do the same. While some women still think that they need a man to be complete, others of us realize that we are "complete" within ourselves. Speaking strictly from personal experience, older men seem to have a much harder time being alone than do older women.
Oh yeah! He was totally butthurt and striking back. Some men (and sadly, some women) just cannot accept that there are women who have no need of a relationship. They can't deal with the fact that some of us are really okay being single, and not remotely unhappy about it.
I don't hate men, quite the contrary, I think there are men who are absolutely fantastic.
I'm definitely heterosexual. However, I'm at a point in my life where I'm not pining away because I live alone and have zero romantic prospects. I'm not looking to change my situation. I'm not saying I'll never meet anyone else who can make my toes curl, but for fuck's sakes, just because I'm good with being single, doesn't mean I'm some sort of defective, or unhappy. Some men definitely don't handle rejection well, no matter how nicely the message is delivered.
What this experience tells you is that for sure do not want to go anywhere with any of thee people. If they have to tell you why you have to do something then they have no real argument for them. I would not go anywhere with anyone if this happened no matter what, unless it was a police station. Women need a man like they need a fish on a bicycle. When it works it is great but all other times there is nothing worse. I think this is where the concept of hell came from. I could be wrong.
He expects you to watch a hour and a half long video after knowing you for 20 minutes?
I've "known" you longer on this board than that and there is no way in hell I'm sitting through 1.5 hour long diatribe by a "facebook filosopher"
This is clearly fragile ego, "single child" behaiviour. He's not used to being told no, he's not used to being told he isn't special. Bottom line for me is that he would rather focus on trying to convince you that you are unhappy than work at addressing that unhappines and try to make you happy. It's like a person that sees that you are thin and presumes that you are hungry and instead of working to feed you, works on trying to convince you that you are hungry.
OK, I tried to listen to the clip, I really did.
The guy who sent it was not happy with your response and wants to prove you are wrong.
People, male or female can be happy with their lives un-partnered, being in a bad relationship is worse. You made poor diddums feel insecure and he is lashing out.
He sent you the video because he is unhappy himself and it must be someone else’s fault, especially those who reject him. He thinks if he “negs” you, then maybe you will internalize it and it will hurt your self-esteem, and you will see him as higher value than you are. This is a tactic taught by professional pick-up artists to lonely, socially awkward men, and it works on low self-worth women. Pat yourself on the back for seeing the put downs for the disrespectful manipulative tactic they are. Women used to have to join a convent to have an independent and free life of their own making. Enjoy the freedom to be whoever you want and then welcome into your life only people who love and respect you for exactly who you are today. The rest are missing out. ?
At my uncle's house, so I can't watch the video now, but there is another side to the issue. Personally, when I am really interested. In a girl, I make it easy for her to reject me right out. I will talk to a girl in front of her friends, even of mixed gender. I want a girl to say "Fuck off creep"... "Ew, you're disgusting"... or yes... And when the most common answer comes back, I want to know they're true. "I have a boyfriend". The fact of the matter is men put women in uncomfortable situations due to expected physical strength differential and women invent excuses and boyfriends. I don't blame them, but that feeds this problem where men don't know how to take a whack on the nose with a newspaper. A good dog, you say no once, you give them one noisy pop the second time, and even if the dog could rip you apart, he'll sulk off. Men need rejection training. I'm becoming an expert by not approaching women who are alone and feel threatened. Once men learn rejection is not emasculation, we can shift the conversation a bit.
In the meantime, since most men are getting excuses, it makes sense that most men treat a rejection as an excuse. I'm not justifying, just explaining... Mansplaining if you will....
Don’t listen to people like that, it’s too much bullshit think about. There are only so many battles you can fight and hope it has a butterfly effect, it’s not worth your peace of mind. I’m probably talking to myself with this comment but I hope it relates.
“When a woman says she is independent and strong, I immediately write her off.“ = “Once a woman rejects me, I claim I didn’t want her anyway.” This is typical toxic masculinity behavior. There are many variations all along the lines of “you’re just an ugly bitch anyway.” An excellent clue about a person’s character is how they behave when they don’t get something they want.