So the loneliness has finely sunk in. I have found myself thinking dirty thoughts of my corworks and customers who come in. ..... I really feel that need to be held by someone. I miss being little spoon after a long day. Im lusting over that physical touch as well as that loving warmth from snuggling after. Falling asleep together and just feeling the heat from them keeping me warm at night. I mean the girls Co sleep when I come home from work but its not the same. You know? Just missing that physical aspects of a relationship. As well of hearing someone tell me they believe I can do it. And help me stay focused because my mind is in a dark place right now Im not going to lie. I mean Im here for my girls but that's about it. I miss having someone there to be happy to see the real me and just hold me.
I hear you! Touch is the one thing I miss. My marriage gave me literally nothing else - not emotional support, not instrumental support, not financial assistance. There was no partnership, no sharing of the burdens of life - only transferring them from him to me. Every aspect of my life was harder in my marriage. Except for that one thing - physical touch. I am not interested in/comfortable with casual sex. And given how much better life is single than it was coupled, I’m not in a hurry to find a relationship.
So I live without touch or physical intimacy. But it turns out to be easier than living without money, stability, understanding, self-worth and everything else I needed.
yeah, I think you have nailed a lot of what those of us seeking relationships need.
That said I have a little spoon, I roll over every 20 minutes and our cat (Kat) patiently gets up, walks over me and snuggles up again she is always little spoon. She is not silly, if she is at my back I could roll on her, but tucked up next to my chest it is unlikely.
One of my best/fondest memories is getting up in the middle of the night, the bladder alarm needed to be tended to.
On the way back, Kris got up as her bladder alarm was going off too... I changed course and just held her. Her initial reaction said, in no uncertain terms, "no, must go pee"... then she melted into my arms. I so miss that feeling of a good hug from someone you have mutual love with.
I know whereof you speak and I wish there was a panacea, but that is only salved by time, or companionship.
I can relate to you on this, you can get emotional support from friends but at night it is just you an empty bed. It has taken me longer then I would like to admit to get used to this as my normal, still not exactly happy with it, although it has become... Familiar, in it's own way.
I have to say it's talking about the day that is hardest feeling to replace.
Skin on skin time is so hard to do without. I'm a card carrying oxytocin junky, it isn't just my mind even my body puts up a protest. Quite apart from the psychological effects as someone who can't tolerate NSAIDS or codeine the antinflammatory and pain killing properties are sorely missed. (No pun intended or maybe it was.)
Don't know the whole story to your situation, but the fact that you are putting your children first is the absolute right thing to do. I was a single Dad for many years, and when my kids were with me, it was all about them. I kept my relationships separate from my kids. Some girls understood and were okay with it, and some were not and did not stick around. It's very tough being a single parent, and not having that loving connection with someone can make for some very lonely nights. I've been there, and at times I still am there. But focusing on the positive things in your life will help get you through those times. It may sound funny, but a teddy bear, warm fuzzy blanket - whatever, can be a comfort replacement. If sexual frustration is something you are dealing with... exercise can help (but it can also exacerbate the problem), masturbation always is a good release (something I practice often wink ), even just getting out and doing something - a walk in the park, some time out in nature, a trip to the beach. Whatever you need to do to help take your mind off things. Your health and well-being is detrimental, so that you can put forth the best interest of those little chit-lens. I have no doubt you are strong-willed enough and capable of pushing through. Moments of struggle are what help to define us. Be well!
Feeling lonely is a terrible thing. It can affect nearly all aspects of our life. Physical affirmation is just as important as emotional affirmation. It does feel nice to hold and be held by someone who cares for you, and to experience the comfort of loving arms.
I was going to make a snide remark here, but then I remembered how I felt when I got my first divorce... no one to come home to, roll over and that side of the bed is cold and empty, even missing waking up to her cold icy cold feet on my back. I know that a computer is cold and hard, but here is a virtual hug and a shoulder to cry on. If you need to vent or chat, just get hold of uncle vic at outabud1 at gmail.com. I'm sure that everyone here would be willing to do the same.
It's been a very long time since I had those desires. Shut myself off from intimate relationships for a very long time because of emotional issues. It's a testament to how much work I've done on myself that now those feelings are coming back and I hope to experience them again.
There is a lot to be said for being alone. I am lonely sometimes, but it beats the heck out of sitting across from a women who absolutely hates you being in her life and you having no damned idea why it went wrong and everything attempted to make things better just makes it worse. [I did find out some of the problem later. It was her immorality, no fault of mine. That is what you get from being with a Christian.]
I had a kind of epiphany this weekend that I truly am going to be alone for a long time if not forever. I mean I've talked about it, and knew it was likely, but this weekend it seems to have really taken hold. It's not even worth trying to find someone. The last few connections I made on other dating sites have been scammers. The one real guy that I had a real date doesn't want anything besides a couple hours of Netflix a week. That isn't a relationship. Yeah, I'm a nice person but not the one. So, just me and the kitty girls. I'm sad, I tear up easily, and in the long run I'm going to be OK. I'm starting to bounce back now. And I will come back from this stronger than I was before. One of the things that makes me good at my job (or parts of my job) is that I can draw on my experience. I spoke with a woman today who just got an awful diagnosis, and told her "you don't know how strong you are until the only option is to be strong." So my friends, be strong. We will get through this.
It's a vicious game we humans play with ourselves. We rarely show the proper appreciation and respect towards partners, then we inevitably end up alone. Somehow our ego rows us out to the deep end and simply tips us out of the boat into an empty abyss of loneliness, where every optimistic breath of survival is met with the overwhelming certainty that maybe "I've caused this, my own actions drove me here" and the quicksand of loneliness is so time and thought consuming that developing a strategy becomes a distant, foggy memory. I don't know if this will in any way work for you, but loneliness, in my opinion, is an actively chosen activity than can only be participated in by willing and eager people. I mean at its core, you aren't sitting in an isolation chamber, completely separated from the rest of humanity. If you agree with that, would you agree that if your physical safety was at risk, like Right Now, and the demand was to find someone to keep you warm tonight, I say you could do it. Do you agree? If not, I'd suggest you've never actually tried. So I don't know if loneliness is maybe the right issue? Perhaps the fear of rejection is so universally repulsive to all of us, that loneliness is the excuse we give to justify waiting. So id say if you want someone to keep you warm tonight, the first step is asking someone to keep you warm tonight. If you don't know anyone youd want to ask, well there are just many things to consider. Again I'm not trying to be presumptuous, I don't know your situation, but as a person who isn't blind nor mentally depraved, I see no reason why you shouldn't have the choice to either sleep alone tonight, or to not.