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Plain Jane Syndrome

I've had numerous experiences in my life where I can't get any help because I don't fit into any of the proper categories.

When I was homeless, I got little help because I'm not a person of color, I don't have children, not married, not disabled (at the time), I don't have a criminal record, I'm not a drug addict or alcoholic and the list goes on.

When I was in college, I couldn't get scholarships if my life depended on it. Again, not a POC, not a mom, not married, not disabled (I was, by this time, but not by government standards). Also, I wasn't going into a technical field (English major). I wasn't a genius with an off the charts GPA. I applied for everything I could find. Even the ones where I fit the criteria, I got denied. Didn't have the recovering from addiction story. I had the homeless to college story which led to multiple newspaper articles and broadcast news but no funding for expenses.

When I was unemployed for three years, I couldn't get any benefits due to all the aforementioned reasons.

Now, I'm trying to get help through MHMR and feel like my caseworkers are just throwing me by the wayside because I don't have any of those issues. I applied for SSDI and was denied. Need to call liaison so we can do the app again so I can get denied three more times before I come close to possibly getting SSDI assistance.

Anyway, has anyone experienced anything similar?

I sometimes think I should just go commit a crime so I can get help. Can't get knocked up due to a health issue but I'd even go to that extreme, if I could.

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

Melbates 7 Feb 27

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21 comments

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16

Wow! I honestly never knew that POC had these advantages. Really?! I never got any help when I applied to college. I used my GI Bill, because of serving in the Marines. Became homeless while in college. A Black homeless Vet, who was on the Dean's List!
Never seen or heard of any agencies that were doing things exclusively for POC. If so, I wouldn't have spent 6 months on the streets. I'm pretty sure that I have no advantage over you when it comes to applying for services. Life is a struggle. All obstacles must be met, and negotiated! Then....the struggle continues until you die. Sometimes you win...

I didn't intend for it to come across in that manner. I guess I should've titled it "Plain Jane Syndrome." My apologies. Not my intention. But, yes, when I was in college, the number of scholarships I came across where race was a requirement were overwhelming.

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

Apology accepted. Since I never applied for scholarships, I never knew that they were so race based. If that is so, it should not be the case. Since I used my GI Bill, the only other financial aid that I used was Work/Study and Pell Grant. And I don't remember any of those being based on anything except a financial means test. My daughter also has attained a Masters Degree, and I don't remember her receiving any scholarships. She owes thousands of dollars in student loans.

@Galihad_Z there are quite a few books, and now websites, listing all the scholarships in existence. I spent hours, days, weeks looking for any I might fit into. Race wasn't the only requirement I didn't match. I wasn't straight out of high school (29 at the time). I wasn't disabled in any form, at least not officially diagnosed at the time. I don't have children. I'm not supporting a sick/disabled family member. I couldn't find anything to help. And, currently have $50,000 in student loans which I can't pay because I'm scraping by to even pay regular monthly bills. And, I couldn't even finish my bachelor's due to my depression and suicide attempts. So, I don't even have anything to show for it. Something to dull the pain of owing all that money.

@TjallTjallOUTLK @AnneWimsey even the one and only black person to comment on this thread forgave me once I explained my mistake. Stop trying to be a social warrior and grow the fuck up.

@TjallTjallOUTLK I didn't say anything idiotic. I said I'm trying to prevent another suicide attempt or am I using language that's too high-falutin' for you to understand???

14

Why would you blame the powerless for your struggles? They have no power to harm you.

You're blaming the wrong people for your problems. Almost everyone gets refused disability regardless of color or gender. This system is rigged against everyone but the rich.

I'm not blaming anyone. Who am I blaming?

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

@Melbates Hate and discrimination is a bit much. Just saying you're drawing a false correlation. The shadow you stand in is cast from above.

@Lysistrata never once said what you're accusing me of. You're the one making assumptions of others.

@Melbates ok... I think we are done here.

@Lysistrata yep.

11

Why, exactly, are you always looking for assistance? I am 69 and the story of my ups & downs would curdle milk. But I have gotten assistance twice in my life...once as a single mom I got food stamps while on strike. No problem at all. Then when I had a stroke at age 38 (turned 39 in the hospital for 3 weeks) I applied for SS Disability, was of course turned down the first time......their letter was a trip! "We realize that you cannot sit or stand for more than 10 minutes, must walk with a walker, have trouble speaking, cannot read, lack sensation on 50% of your body, and are sometimes incontinent, but we feel you can find a job"!!! Reapplied 18 months later, got it plus back "pay". Stop blaming "being white", get a good doctor & lawyer.

It was not my intention to come across as racist. I need to change the title to Plain Jane Syndrome.

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

@Melbates I think your post, regardless of title, does have an element of racism, sorry.

@AnneWimsey Not to mention IF the scholarships or programs she was looking for seek to help visible minorities that is to address the statistically researched disadvantaged populations and help them out, NOT to fck over white people like her. People struggle so much to understand systemic inequalities when wallowing in victim complexes.

8

Why are you with MHMR if you don't have those issues? For SSDI you need proof of disability - a Doctor is often best.

Don't have what issues? Don't have twenty suicide attempts under my belt? Don't have brain damage due to constantly using pills or poison as my mode of suicide attempt. What issues are you referring to?

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

@Melbates This wasn't any of this. This is misunderstanding based on what you wrote: "Now, I'm trying to get help through MHMR and feel like my caseworkers are just throwing me by the wayside because I don't have any of those issues.".

I am disabled. You must see professionals who diagnose you correctly to get SSDI. And as @AMGT said you need a good lawyer.

Yes my lawyer got part of the lump sum 1st payment - but I surely needed someone who understood the system.

@AMGT reported me???? For what????

@Melbates "unemployed for 3 years but could not collect"....because you are white/female/put-upon? Or because you were were fired or working under the table or?

@AnneWimsey Jesus Christ!!! You are just cherry picking what fits into your preconceived notions!!

7

Whew, this is where the empathic, tough love in me wrestles with the truth teller. So, you've been consistently underachieving in your life. You really have no socio-economic excuse, other than what you THINK you deserve. You're unwilling to embrace education, and aspire to a position you THINK you deserve.... My advice... Measure the education and accomplishments of the ppl who are currently in the positions you actively seek and you will know exactly the steps you need to acheive to match your goals. Love and light

I too once bought into the victim mentality, and could get drawn into the mindset. Since then, I've decided to be my own hero...

I think it would be a Big Mistake to assume that one only deserves or needs what the system self-referentially and circularly SAYS you need. That's not a function of any individuals actual needs; it's a function of constraints of budget and sometimes sensible, sometimes arbitrary rule constraints. There is no basis to say that 100% of the people who are denied benefits don't need or deserve them.

More like assumption jumper. I do have my degree. But, I also have $50,000 in student loan debt because I was unqualified for scholarships.

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

@Melbates 1. You chose to go into debt
2. Are you the only one saddled with this debt....?
3. Whine, much?

@AnneWimsey you just want to fight. I forgot you're the only one allowed to suffer in life. Forgive me for being tired and in pain and constantly contemplating suicide. Oh, that's right, you don't know jackshit about me so you don't know the reason I came to this site was for a support network after a suicide attempt and the constant barrage of suicidal thoughts that never leave. But, don't mind me. I'm just whining.

6

No, you have victim syndrome.

PREACH!!

@JayJackson and @Mark939 -- nice snap judgments there. Must feel good to feel so smug with yourself. Hope you never discover what thin veneer of technology, sanity and social status keep you from the original poster's fate.

@mordant I'm honestly surprised so many people focused on the race thing. I need to change the title to Plain Jane Syndrome.

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

@JayJackson Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

@Melbates Uummm, the entire post is full of race, gender asssumptions...."poor me , I can't get any handouts because I am white, or, now, plain......"

@mordant As noted above, i had her " problems" x 50 and never Once did I blame my sex or color........your attacks are inappropriate and enabling at best

@mordant"posters fate"????? You are enabling the heck out of someone who has Decided to become a professional victim!

@AnneWimsey Good for you. You get a gold star. The fact remains you don't know the poster or the details of her situation and are leaping to all sorts of unwarranted and unsupportable conclusions about her. Confirmation bias, sour grapes and schadenfreude would be my diagnosis if I were going to treat you the same way. As it is, I just assume you don't know how lucky you were, if only to have the constitution to rise above in the first place. My suggestion is to have a bit of epistemological humility. Personal misfortune is not always or even often primarily assignable to victimhood or sloth, anymore than your transcendence is primarily assignable to virtue and industry.

@mordant dear, dear mordant....neither do you...but here you are, all up in everybody's face on her behalf, because i guess you identify with her "white girl" problems?

@AnneWimsey You assume too much. I empathize with her struggles and believe they are real, I never endorsed her explanations for them. I don't have enough data to do that even if I believed they were potentially good explanations -- which I don't. Regardless of her failure to accurately diagnose the problem, the system IS broken and it is FAR too difficult to get the help you actually need when you actually need it.

I have a dead son that proves the point pretty graphically for me. The system felt he wasn't crazy or self destructive enough to qualify for anything but some meds to treat one of his comorbidities, and they completely underestimated how disordered his thinking actually was. As the father of an adult child, thanks to the way HIPPA works, I was powerless to intervene. It was easy to look at my son as a morbidly obese, antisocial and probably lazy fool, to disacknowledge his very real pain and limitations, and tell him to suck it up.

People like me who DID suck various things up and made a "success" of themselves find it very easy to judge those who don't. I will go to my grave arguing against that. My son was very intelligent, respectful, and sweet ... unlike many people he never complained about his lot in life either, so there's that I guess from your point of view. But your kind of thinking ultimately cost him his life. Sorry. Not having any of it.

@mordant i am sorry about your child...nobody should go through that....him or you. BUT do you picture him or you publicly posting a rant about "poor me" ?

@AnneWimsey No I don't, but "poor me" is not something that would make me question the legitimate aspects of a person's struggle either. I used to be somewhat whinier when I was younger until I shed my residual religious thinking and realized life owes me nothing. However, I still did have actual suffering and it was actually real. Life may owe me nothing, no one may give a useful fuck whether or not my expectations are met, but grief, loss, illness and poverty are no less real or painful for that. And if society decides to provide a safety net it should to so without stigma, regardless of the grace, or lack thereof, with which someone can jump through a bunch of hoops.

@AnneWimsey go find the comment with the pictures I posted then find my response to jayneonacobb and join him and the others in jumping off the pier.

@mordant thank you for trying but some have their assumptions so deeply ingrained, nothing will help.

@Melbates I can see you have a lot of problems, sweetie. Too bad none of them can be solved by self-pity, nasty aggressiveness, and playing the Blame Game.....and has anyone ever mentioned how unattractive whining is?

@AnneWimsey has anyone mentioned how unattractive it is to not see things from another persons viewpoints? And, um, you're the one doing the blaming here.

5

Dear, your profile says College Education, so I assume that you made it after all. You know that you are not rooted in one place, but can leave and try it somewhere else. Some plces are just not right for some people. Change place, change goals, change outlook.

Yes, I did receive my degree. I was giving the examples I've experienced. Does everyone think everything we post on this site is in present day terms??

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

5

I had my wages garnisheed for a couple of years because a government department refused to believe my kids lived with me. They insisted the kids were with their mother, so it can suck to be a male also.

My apologies.

@Melbates ta, but no appologies needed, and the worst bureaucrats I dealt with were guys.

4

This woman posted here looking for support and I see a lot of people attacking her for what they think she isnt doing right. Until you walk in her shoes you won't know first hand the obstacles she faces. They may seem small but they are not. The rejections pile up and circumstances become even more dire. Offering simplified advice as a cure all does nothing to help her and condemning her for what you see are her failures do a lot of harm. We should embrace our sister here with empathy. Not self rightous indignation at her circumstances.

Thank you so much for your understanding. The level of hatred I've received was pushing me toward leaving the site; it was so shocking. Since I came to this site looking for a support network after a suicide attempt, I find this very upsetting.

@Melbates I have faced the same issues, I am in a very rural area and the jobs here suck when they do exist.

4

There is a real problem with people in real need falling through the cracks. My late son had that experience; he could not properly function in the world but he didn't fall into some neat category. The help he DID get ... mostly from county mental health ... was simply to give him meds and manage him, not actually treat him. In fact they denied the relevance / reality of his formal diagnosis, and focused on symptoms rather than causes, so he was treated mainly for comorbid depression, not for his actual problem. In any case they had a staff of pill pushers, not therapists or life skill mentors.

Unlike some here I'm not going to judge you to have a victim mentality or taking from the more deserving because (1) I don't have enough data to make that determination, (2) it's not for me to make and (3) even if you are your own worst enemy, that's true of us all to an extent.

The sad fact is that our society assumes sloth and indolence is 100% the cause of personal problems until proven otherwise, then sets the bar very high indeed to prove otherwise. Also it's stingy with the social safety net and even those it gives support to are expected by much of society to feel guilty for receiving it.

Unfortunately I don't have a solution to offer, only an apology of sorts on behalf of an increasingly sick and selfish society.

Thank you for not blaming me for incorrectly labeling my post. I did not intend to come across as racist.

3

I believe all of us have traits that could be criticized if we judge each other based on on our own experience. I hoped this site would be more understanding of others since that problem is rampant among Christian groups.

You and me both. I have been extremely taken aback at the level of hatred I've received.

3

Maybe your employment standards are too high right now. If I were you I'd go apply to McDonald's if you're having a hard time finding work. They will hire almost anyone. I don't mean to be obtuse, but if you can't find work for three years you aren't looking.

At the time, I was stuck on the bus and no one was hiring. Finally got a job at an Amazon warehouse. Lost it due to illness. Currently at an Albertsons grocery store. Good god, y'all jump to conclusions like a horse jumping rails!!

@Melbates well, I'm just responding to what you wrote. Without that additional information it was a logical conclusion to draw. I commend you on your efforts, and as I previously stated I meant no offense. I have had to work in fast food before, I will do so again if need be. I liked your reply btw. Based on the fact that you have tried.

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

@Melbates how am I discriminating? I've not barred you from anything. I've made no discriminatory remarks, and I've not made any assumptions that can't be quantified by the information that you provided. Also I never said anything hateful, just true. As an aside, I don't think that being an atheist requires any belief system. It is literally the rejection of a belief system. Given your reaction though, I'd be willing to assume that you are a socialist. How TF were you stuck on a bus for three years?

@jayneonacobb stuck on the bus since 2001 because life got in the way and I never learned to drive.

@Melbates oh, I see. Stuck riding the bus. I didn't own a vehicle for almost two years, but I was litterally half a block from my business. Granted I own that business.

I don't know if you are aware of this BUT there isnt a McDonalds everywhere, in fact in my own town we have a subway and thats it and it pays minimum wage and these places in small towns limit your hours severely. No way can she pay her bills if this is the case in her town as it is in mine.

@misstuffy I'm acutely aware of that as my town has no fast food chains in it. She has access to public transportation. Get on the bus, go to the next town and apply for minimum wage jobs. That's plural, jobS. I've worked 80 hour weeks for years at multiple jobs. I never called out and I don't consider crime or endangering my life for a government check. Sorry, I just don't see how a person can be unemployed for three weeks, let alone three years. If you need a job, minimum wage is better than no wage.

@jayneonacobb You are oversimplifying things. It isnt as easy as you say. She is doing what she can. She and I are of the same age so I understand what she is going through. Paying for a bus ride from one town to another will eat up anything and everything she can make in wages.

@misstuffy I did it when gas prices were $4.00 a gallon and bus fare was the highest it's ever been. You can make all the excuses you want but in the end they will only serve to hurt you.

@jayneonacobb Not everything is an excuse when there are real obstacles. I drove 1.5 hours each way a day to work a temp job and still cared for livestock until I got too old to do it, I have a genetic disease where fatigue is a real issue and where I live there is nothing. So while working I have been growing my iris beds and my goats. I am lucky I bought my farm when I was younger and prices were low. She is not in the same circumstances as I am or you and every situation is different and you need to realize that sometimes, there just isnt much she can do.

@misstuffy you will not that I did commend her for her hard work and attempts to seek gainful employment. The fact is, if you can't find a job for three years, you have not taken the proper, necessary steps to be employed. Get over your self. I have chronic back and knee pain as well as insomnia, but I still work my ass off. I just got back from volunteering on my one day off from 8 to 3.

@jayneonacobb I disagree, i worked temo jobs for years and when I tried to find a "real" job closer to home they held it against me that I was a temp for so long. THere are a lot of people out there that can not find a job no matter how hard they try. ALso take into account her health. Trust me employers do hold it against you. I had one hold my hearing impairment against me, blatantly telling me to my face that I was a liability because I am deaf. There are people that slip through the cracks,

@misstuffy thank you for attempting to defend me but he's made his assumptions and now that he's realizing he's wrong, he's lashing out.

@jayneonacobb if I had WiFi, I would get on my laptop and take a screenshot of the spreadsheet I used to keep track of the 2,000+ applications I did in that time period. I live in Fort Worth, Texas, a rather large, bustling city.

At the time, I lived on a main thoroughfare. There were several fast food restaurants within walking distance (McDonald's included). I applied with each of them, Walmart, Kroger, Walgreens, CVS, etc. Even trying telemarketing call centers and door to door sales.

I was either unqualified because I don't have my bachelor's or overqualified because I have my Associate's and three years towards my bachelor's.

When I finally got the Amazon job, there were multiple times I went for 24-48 hours without sleep due to the length of time needed for the transport van then the city bus then if I had a doctor's appointment. If you saw my other post listing off my medical issues, you know I had, and still have, a plethora of doctor's appointments every month. I don't know many lazy people with that type of dedication to uphold their responsibilities. Why didn't I get the Amazon job to begin with? First off, the plant had yet to be built. They were still doing final touches when I was hired in 2015. We have three??, I think, Amazon warehouse locations in the DFW area. But, they're way North or way South, outside of the service area for the city bus. Catholic Charities offers a transport van to and from the downtown bus depot. But, only for the north location.

I absolutely loved that job. I'd love to go back but the city bus now costs $5.00 for a day pass and Catholic Charities needs $5.00 per ride. I don't have the expendable money available to do that before I'd get my first paycheck from them. This doesn't even take into account the aforementioned plethora of doctor's appointments.

Last night, I worked from 10 pm to 7 am. When I returned to work after my suicide attempt, I got a promotion and a raise. I'm the assistant inventory coordinator for my grocery store. The new ad is released every Wednesday. So, we have to work overnight Tuesday to change shelf labels. The job is so involved, none of us took a lunch or break of any kind. When I was off at 7, I got on the bus for an hour long ride downtown for a meeting with a financial coach. I could barely walk due to the pain. A normally fifteen minute walk took me twice that time.

Had the appointment. Walked back to the bus stop and waited thirty minutes for my bus home, which only runs once an hour. When I lived on the main thoroughfare, that bus was every fifteen minutes. I got home at 11:30 and crashed. Just woke up two hours ago, just after 6 pm. Still could barely walk. Also discovered I have a 100.4 fever.

Tomorrow, I have my weekly 8 am therapy appointment. Then, straight to work for another eight hour shift. On Friday, I go into work at 9:30.

Yep, I am the laziest, mooching off the government motherfucker on the planet.

Do me a favor and Google me- Melissa Bates Texas Wesleyan University if you still think I'm a slovenly slob mooching off the government, you're the one with severe mental health issues and you can take a long walk off a short pier.

@TjallTjallOUTLK please see my response above. You and @jayneonacobb can hold hands as you make that leap.

@silvereyes see above comment and go get the help YOU desperately need.

@AnneWimsey see above comment and, again, go take a fucking leap.

@misstuffy I also find it amazing everyone has missed the point of this post. I attempted suicide Christmas Eve morning. Was released from treatment January 4th. Found this site seeking a support network.

The point of the post is that I have a team of caseworkers who are supposed to be helping me but, because I don't have any of the aforementioned criteria, I'm essentially being thrown by the wayside.

THAT was the point I was trying to make. I want help to prevent another suicide attempt NOT oh, woe is me. Fuck!!!!

@Melbates all I said was lower your employment standards and you people flipped out. Chill out and act your age.

@jayneonacobb how can i go any lower when ive already hit rock bottom????

@Melbates I was trying to be helpful. Sometimes employers want you to apply a couple times, or do follow ups to show that you want the job. Maybe reapply at few places and follow up frequently. Or put those writing skills to work as a free lance writer/editor.

@jayneonacobb I find it amazing when people think I haven't done enough and, yet, I've done everything they've suggested.

3

I find your view point extremely suggestive. You are basically in a nutshell saying that since you are caucasian with no criminal history, kids and single, this causes you discrimination, and as a result you cannot get public assistance or education assistance. When I came to Texas from Canada, and started medical school, I heard this same view point from some of my caucasian counter parts.

I am sorry but I totally disagree with this for many reasons. By stating that you are discriminated against for being caucasian, single, no kids, and homeless with no criminal history suggest that "people of color" who have criminal history, homeless, single, etc. are privileged.

Scholarships are often financed through business and organizations not the Government, therefore it is their choice where those scholarships are directed. "People of Color" are far less likely to pursue a continued education compared to their caucasian counterpart due the economical disparity in this country, which is why scholarships are often given to "People of Color" as an assistance to further educate themselves.

The united states government has many types of grants and loans for education that anyone would qualify for. Its all about determination....

As a "person of color" I completed a 4 year Bachelors degree totaling around 75k and this a rough estimate. I them completed medical school in 5 years totaling around 300k. and this is also a rough estimate. I never had Any scholarships! My parents assisted as much as they could, and I worked 2 sometimes 3 jobs and paid my way through 9 years of what seem like hell! I rarely took student loans and as a result, I didnt find myself like many who graduate and are in debt with student loans. Just think, I accomplished all this as a "person of color" with out a criminal history.

Ultimately, our lives are a direct result of the choices we make. If a person chooses to be on drugs, homeless, uneducated, etc, that is a choice. If a person chooses the opposite and is driven to accomplish a goal, it will happen.

I think people should stop putting blame on other things and take responsibility for their own failures in life.

I'm not even going to read your comment because, like everyone else, you focused on the racial aspect which was not the intended purpose of my post.

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

@Melbates you are the one who is discriminating. which is why you are getting a back lash!

@Melbates perhaps you should re read your post because you indirectly insulted people of color

@Melbates if you didnt read my post, how do you know i was focused on the racial aspect😉

@twshield because I read two lines before realizing it was the same vitriol everyone else has given. Go look for my response to jayneonacobb and join him in jumping off the pier.

3

I feel for you, do everything you can to do right and get ignored. I have been in a similar boat though not as drastic, I was never homeless because I had a stock trailer to sleep in and stalls on the racetrack when I was riding. At least you tried to get help with more vigor than I did. I gave up because I was not raised in the system and therefore don't understand the ins and outs of it. Sadly, I really do need to apply for disability.

Do not put it off. In most States it I takes several denials.

@RavenCT thank you, @misstuffy I'm honestly surprised so many focused on the racial aspect and didn't get what I was trying to say. @ravenct is right. My mom had every physical disability known to man. Got denied three times. Finally got it after fighting for five years.

@RavenCT In every state as SSDI is Federal.

@shockwaverider Strangely the denials vary by State. Or so my lawyer said. He said "In CT expect to go to three". I went to two because he was a great lawyer and knew what needed to be done.

@RavenCT Yes I have heard. I need to at the very least get temporary disability,

@Melbates We are not seen as "disadvantaged" because of this popular thing now called white privelege but I truly believe they got it wrong, The privelege I believe is more tied to economic class than race, that said yes there is still racism, but to swing the pendulam the other way does no one any good.

@misstuffy I honestly wasn't trying to claim white privilege. In all honesty, it was an innocent mistake because my brain damage caused my memory to go and, even after writing all that, I couldn't remember what I'd originally intended to title it, Plain Jane.

But, yes, it does aggravate me that, as a cashier in a grocery store, I see the ladies who have Michael Kors purses, the latest iPhone, their nails did, their hair did and they're using $2,000 in food stamps while I'm eating a can of refried beans for dinner. And, yes, invariably, the women are black.

@Melbates Actually most of the folks on food asssistance are white. My reference was to the fact that companies have these quotas to fill for their minorities and we don't qualify as well.

@misstuffy I'm not claiming the opposite. I said "invariably" meaning usually. I even get food stamps but it's only $15 compared to several hundred or a thousand.

2

At first I thought this was a joke - it's for real ?

Curious, when you couldn't collect unemployment, were you laid off, or let go through no fault of your own ? If so , that would have made you eligible .

Unemployment wouldn't accept me because my University never reported my work study to the IRS so, when attempting to get unemployment, it looked like I hadn't worked in two years and therefore was ineligible. I later lost a job at an Amazon warehouse during to illness. Was able to receive unemployment until I got my current job at a grocery store.

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

@Melbates The internet can be a rough proving ground - especially when there's no intonation, or facial expressions to go with the comments. We're all subject to scrutiny when we venture on here. Try not to take it personally ...

@evergreen it's been leading me towards thinking about leaving the site. I came here looking for a support network after a suicide attempt. I totally wasn't expecting such vitriol.

@Melbates Not that you need to leave - but perhaps a search for a more specific site would provide the kind of support you seek ? Can't hurt to look ... this one is definitely a mixed bag.

2

My wife had similar obstacles. She spent hours on the phone. She faxed, sorted, emailed, made appointments, etc. it was a full time job pursuing assistance. She is disabled...and felt more shame being unable to work again...than anger. The battle went on for 18 months. Her hard work at not being able to work paid off.

Yeah my late wife was totally disabled for twenty years but joked that she still had to work full-time to keep from being booted off "the dole". Every couple of years there would be a review that she could barely tolerate slogging through and it always concluded that she was "deserving". It would have been "easier" in terms of benefit reviews if she was a paraplegic or amputee or drooling and confined to bed.

@mordant this is why I sometimes feel guilty for thinking of trying to get assistance.

@Melbates You shouldn't feel any actual guilt, but it's understandable to feel the lack of social reciprocity / compassion / empathy from people who should know better.

@mordant I've been debating leaving the site because I wasn't expecting to receive such hatred.

@Melbates You're going to find it wherever you go, in my experience so far, less of it here. But there are some social / political conservatives here and they will generally assume (1) misfortune is your fault somehow (2) if the agency says you don't qualify, that means you fall outside the group of people who SHOULD quality (3) any pushback or complaint is pure whining and (4) not reveling in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps and thus demonstrating your bonafides as a "rugged individualist" makes you unworthy. On the other hand, there are people who aren't afraid to have empathy and don't think actual empathy will "enable" you. My guess is, you just came here for a bit of empathy and solidarity. Some provided it, some didn't. That's life. I'd stick around; you can't expect everyone, everywhere, to not be dickish.

@mordant I truly appreciate your support. There's one troll who is the textbook definition of everything you said. No matter how much proof I provide to the contrary, I'm nothing more than a narcissistic attention whore. My jaw dropped when she said that in response to revealing the number of suicide attempts in my life.

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I would never suggest that you say you are genderfluid or trans...

When I did my therapy internship, some of my clients were on SSDI. Everyone gets turned down a bunch of times. Look for a free legal clinic and get a lawyer to represent you if you can.

[211texas.org] 211 can connect you to available services or you can call 211

I think there is a 211 in every state. Google "211 state" to find yours.

Yes this was my previous late wife's experience with SSDI, it is the first advice they give out, expect to be turned down as a matter of course, you will win on appeal. Which begs the question, why waste taxpayer $$ and time on a system that literally always gives the same initial answer.

@mordant my mom had every physical disability known to man. Was denied three times over five years. But, yes, I still feel undeserving.

I'm in Texas and have used 211. Thank you.

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Fuck all of you. If I'd fit into any of the aforementioned categories, this shit wouldn't be empty.

You need to get to a food bank (Free).

Also (Oh I hate to say this) but 211 can probably tell you what Churches hand out food or vouchers as well.

@RavenCT I knew that would be the response. 1. I don't have a car. 2. When you go to a food bank, if you don't have a vehicle, they give you less because you can't carry much. 3. A majority of what you receive is beans and rice. 4. You have to sit through a one to two hour praise service- hands in the air, speaking in tongues, writhing on the floor, the whole nine. 5. Using food banks is a full-time job because, if you want a well-rounded meal, let alone enough food to last longer than a week, you have to hit several. 6. And, again, being on the bus makes it take that much longer.

Anyway, I returned to work Friday, after recovering from a suicide attempt, with a promotion and a raise. I was also "blessed" with $100 worth of Wal-Mart gift cards and will go shopping later today. Food stamps only gives me $15.00, by the way.

Thank you, though.

@Melbates Wow my food bank gives out meat, fruit, and veggies. And just because I take a transport van - they don't give me less?
Also food banks here don't preach at you. I live in CT.

You've convinced me once again to never move to Texas!

My niece's wife pretty much had me convinced already.

Glad you have enough to get by until your have cash again.

@Atheistman TY!

@Atheistman you must visit different ones than myself.

@RavenCT I'm okay now. Thank you. Don't have much money left in the bank account but first paycheck is tomorrow and food stamps are renewed on the 12th. Once I inform food stamps and government housing I'm back to work, I'll be financially struggling even further.

I really did want to take advantage of food banks but was adverse to spending seven hours jumping through hoops for my food like a trained seal (One hour on bus downtown, one hour on bus to food bank, two hour preaching, thirty minutes to an hour to get food, depending on my place in line, then another two, maybe three hours back home, depending if buses connect or not).

Like I said, full time job. 😟

@Atheistman tell that to every food bank I've ever been to. You can't get food unless you sit through the torturous process.

The one I hate the most requires you to show up at 9 am to get your ticket. If you're not there by 9:30, no ticket. Doors are closed. If you don't want to spend all goddamn day doing this, you have to be in line before the doors open, so, show up at 8. Then, when they open the doors, you get your ticket and go into the sanctuary. For the next hour, you wait, while they fill the sanctuary with gospel music so loud your ears bleed. Finally, the pastor shows up at 10. He preaches for an hour. You're released to go get your food at 11. If you were early, you get out early.

It's a Catch-22. I hate that you spend that long and go through that torture to get food but, on the flip side, this specific "church" is one of the better ones, as far as selection of food goes. When my mom would take me, they would literally fill her entire back seat with food. But, when I'd go by myself on the bus, I'd get one banana box of food, which, out of preference and ease of transport, I'd transfer to the bags and shopping cart I'd brought with me.

Anyway, when I was getting food stamps during my three years of unemployment, the food stamp office said I had to do volunteer work to continue to receive benefits. That's how I found this church, through their referral. This church has a side business called The Hope Center where they provide work, training, schooling, can't remember what else. While working as an administrative assistant, I saw the underhanded, ungodly things they did. Like, receiving a huge shipment of brand new pillow top mattresses and taking them all for themselves instead of giving them to the people they serve. Or, taking more food from their food bank than they give their clients. Or, my personal favorite, the man I worked for ran their culinary school. His "textbook" was copy and paste from the internet. It was my job to edit those files, clean them up, make them look more professional i.e., get rid of all markings it's anyone else's property.

@Hominid
@Eponymous
@AnneWimsey
@Lysistrata
@JayJackson
@mark9393
@jayneonacobb
@TjallTjallOUTLK
@silvereyes

I honestly wasn't trying to claim white privilege. In all honesty, it was an innocent mistake because my brain damage caused my memory to go and, even after writing all that, I couldn't remember what I'd originally intended to title it, Plain Jane.

And, no, I'm not "suddenly" claiming health issues. The history of my posts on this site will show one from last week. A laundry list of health problems, including, but not limited to, loss of brain mass, memory loss and confusion.

But, yes, it does aggravate me that, as a cashier in a grocery store, I see the ladies who have Michael Kors purses, the latest iPhone, their nails did, their hair did and they're using $2,000 in food stamps while I'm eating a can of refried beans for dinner. And, yes, invariably, the women are black.

Since so many of you made your snap judgements, I would like to clarify that I attempted suicide Christmas Eve morning. I was released from treatment January 4th. I came to this site seeking a support network. And, every single one of you missed the point of this post. I have a team of mental health caseworkers. But, because I'm "plain Jane" I feel I'm not getting as much help as I might receive if I had children or if I were more physically disabled or if I had a background or whatever.

I returned to work this past Friday. Worked Saturday. Off Sunday and Monday. Overnight shift Tuesday night. No lunch or break. Nine hours straight.

Tuesday, I worked from 10 pm to 7 am. When I returned to work after my suicide attempt, I got a promotion and a raise. I'm the assistant inventory coordinator for my grocery store. The new ad is released every Wednesday. So, we have to work overnight Tuesday to change shelf labels. The job is so involved, none of us took a lunch or break of any kind. When I was off at 7, I got on the bus for an hour long ride downtown for a meeting with a financial coach. I could barely walk due to the pain. A normally fifteen minute walk took me twice that time.

Had the appointment. Walked back to the bus stop and waited thirty minutes for my bus home, which only runs once an hour. I got home at 11:30 and crashed. Woke up just after 6 pm. Still could barely walk. Also discovered I had a 100.4 fever.

This morning, I have my weekly 8 am therapy appointment. Then, straight to work for another eight hour shift. On Friday, I go into work at 9:30.

Yep, I am the laziest, mooching off the government motherfucker on the planet.

Do me a favor and Google me- Melissa Bates Texas Wesleyan University if you still think I'm a slovenly slob mooching off the government, you're the one with severe mental health issues and you can take a long walk off a short pier.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go get ready to catch the bus for my appointment then go to work, despite still having a fever. Because, ya know, I'm just lazy like that.

For those of you who will surely accuse me of lying about the fever. It's steadily going up. Was 99.2 five minutes ago.

@Melbates You have an excuse for everything, give sarcasm instead of thanks to anyone offering helpful advice, and, oh, wait........20 (twenty!) "Suicide attempts"!!!!!
Narcissistic attention whore here, folks, keep moving........

@AnneWimsey you just won't be happy until I admit you're right and I'm wrong. Fine, you're right. You obviously know more about living in poverty despite my 37 years experience and you absolutely know more about my depression and suicide. So, I put myself in your hands. Teach me, sensei. Since you know everything. You're so omniscient. Teach me. Mold me. Make me an exact copy of your narcissistic ass.

@Melbates your 99.2 temp is absolutel normal! Attention, everybody, her temperature is normal!
No, wait, she wants your heartfelt commiseration so then she can slam you about how you just don't get her

@AnneWimsey when I got home from work.

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Add "male" to the mix and you have the perfect storm. Luckily, I was smart and a creative enough performer and songwriter to stack the scholarships on top the state and federal grants that turned a nice profit even though it took six years to complete my three major change BA.

Ironically, I never knew homelessness till I walked out of a state funded treatment center many years later. That was two years after my business failed and a fundie theist family who'd taken all from me they could stand.

I need to do so myself and it is very difficult these days but we all need a support network. I'm facing homelessness again BUT I have buffer enough to prevent it. That's one of the many reasons I moved to Vegas: I may not love the job opportunities for someone my age but they are here and in abundance.

I know nothing of your locale's job opportunities but, seeing its in a red state, I'd never consider it anyway. So my second suggestion is do a little research then move somewhere more "unbeliever friendly" that has more opportunities for your skill set. In general terms, that's almost always the case!

As far as developing a support network I DO NOT suggest Vegas though, where the preferred deity is money.

I am actually employed at a grocery store. Just returned to work Friday after recovering from a suicide attempt. The joy of returning to work was compounded by getting a promotion and raise. LOL

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Maybe I have white guy syndrome

I'm honestly surprised the number of people who focused on the racial aspect. Changing title shortly. It was not my intention to come across as racist.

Jesus Fucking Christ, I did not expect such discrimination, hatred and assumptions from people who lament about being treated in the same manner due to their lack of belief.

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Wow I am so sorry to hear this - I do hope as you do oyurself htat you will get some help soon - they really do need to ad a few more tickboxes like starving, holes in shoes, frantic with worry....

I'm honestly surprised the number of people who focused on the racial aspect. Changing title shortly. It was not my intention to come across as racist.

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