@Buddha That's a very common problem.

Wiseacre!

@LadyAlyxandrea lol

Before my wife left me she said: "you never listen to me."… At least that is what I think she said.

@stinkeye_a That was my beginning--shyness led to listening and watching. Then I studied it.

I can relate to this. I was shy when I was younger so I wouldn't talk much, but I did listen and pay attention. When I went out with my friends, they would go dance and I would watch, or should I say study, people. Now, I listen but also participate in the conversation more.

Imagine if you and another champion listener tried to have a conversation. There would be some kind of anti-noise feedback loop that might vacuum up every sound in the universe! It would be quietly, attentively awesome.

keep off the weed or smoke more

@resserts Try mindfulness to improve your focus (undivided attention).

@Hominid I couldn't find the quote, but I read that people found Jacqueline Kennedy fascinating because she was such a good listener -- as if the speaker and listener were the only people in the world.

@EllenDale - That truly is a gift; it requires the listener to be so in the now, and not trying to think of something to say back...

@Hominid Not thinking of a reply is sooooo difficult.

@Or-Humanist You've hit the nail on the head -- undivided attention = mindfulness.

@marga I also suffered some hearing loss (too many front row seats at the '70s and '80s concerts). It has always helped me to watch a speaker so I can see the lips if I missed something. In college, that made retention shoot up and note taking drop way down. Now if people speak too softly or mumble, I lose interest and quit listening.

@tioteo That's why it's now referred to as active listening. And it's very hard work. Ask anyone who does it for a living.

there's a difference between being talked at and a conversation. talked at is like one person shooting the other. conversation is more like a good volley of table tennis but slower.

I like that analogy @LeighShelton

@ModernDayViking That's the weakness of many of us, undivided attention. It's so much easier when I'm interested in the subject. Unless the speaker is naked, of course! Lol

@EllenDale i conquer lol

@JeffB Ah, the bane of communication -- trigger words.

@SimonMorgan1 Wow. Most people have never heard of Albert Mehrabian's work! Most of us listen to the 7% verbal part. Mehranian found that IF there was incongruency between verbal (7%) and nonverbal (93%), people believed the nonverbal. Fascinating subject!

@EllenDale got taught it when i did my diploma in youth work

@SimonMorgan1 Good on ya!

@wordywalt Those are very common problems, too.

@RavenCT And I bet you use that education to enable you not to bring that work home with you.

@AMGT Yes I had clients who were droners. That was a real challenge. Especially when I'd give feedback and we'd go over it again and again on a loop. But I totally get how that happens to people and is part of depression - etc....

@EllenDale I wish I could have? I no longer work (disabled) but I was not good about leaving it all at the door.
I work on that harder now then I did then.

People have the ability to change their circumstances (usually - my exception was teens and kids - and now I'd add in disability to some extent) - and obsessing about them being unwilling to change and their being unhappy? Just not good. Benefits no one.

I think I believed Psych was a science. So my brain wanted to come up with an answer. That's not how that works.

@RavenCT I bet it's what parents and grandparents get caught up in with children. My granddaughter is PDD-NOS, the highest form of autism, and she reacts to the slightest thing in a very emotional way. Because the father abdicated his personal and financial responsibility, her mother and I raised her. I'm surprised we didn't pull out every hair on our heads because of repetition she required!

@EllenDale Oh we had a dual diagnosed teen we worked with. I'm surprised I'm not bald?

@RavenCT I hear pink wigs are on sale!

@EdEarl Practice mindfulness and your undivided attention will follow.

@EllenDale Already practicing

@Charlene For him we both seem to practice pointedly divided attention.

@EllenDale that voice just sets my nerves on fire!

@Charlene Plus his inability to think for himself drives me crazy! The DACA shuffle he does on what he wants in return is Kelly all the way! How many times did he tell Congress, "You fellows work it out and bring it to me, and I'll sign it." Bullshit!

@EllenDale aaaargh..no joke..

@Jnei I'm ADHD, and I had a hard time learning to listen, too. However, I found it is like wearing a training bra. At first, you don't think you need it and see no difference, but as time goes on, the training becomes apparent and appreciated.

@EllenDale I think I'm always listening because I have trouble picking out detail from background noise, for example speech in a shop or other moderately noisy environment. Hence my ears have got stuck on full sensitivity and won't switch off!

@Jnei Happens to the best of us when we reach a certain age (or certain number of words!). But you're young to have it from age! Must be the number of words!

@EllenDale I'm not that young, and I've been like it all my life!

@Jnei I have hyperacusis its a deafness up to a certain level and so when I go into a shop that has loud music its suddenly too much noise and it is hard to cope with there is an intensity when the sound kicks in

@jacpod Interesting - that perfectly describes what I experience. Sufficiently so, in fact, that now I've had a quick read up on it, I think I might have a word with my doctor about an audiogram.

@The worst part of being a good listener is that they are far and few between. It's hard to find one when you need one.

@EllenDale Ain't it the truth!

@NothinnXpreVails Ah, an honest respondent! Cheers to you! Lol

Lol @EllenDale

@Corwin It works wonders in relationships!

@Uncorrugated Vroom Vroom! It's hard to hear over that bike motor! Lol

@phil21 Although communication is a soft science, research shows it does help.

@EllenDale You have something against soft sciences? There'd be no commercials on NFL Sunday without it!

@phil21 No. It was my major and career for 20 years. It's just that some people (mostly conservatives) don't believe it. I'm a bit sensitive to its acceptability

@EllenDale Well, it was in the College of LIBERAL Arts. We are much more fun to hang out with. I just got back from a conference full of creative types and professional communicators. It is wonderful how easy it is to make friends.

@phil21 Jared can't work on the listening program. He lost his security clearance. But the WH caligrapher has clearance and will be working post haste on the listening forces.

@ollieberry If you have no bar, go lay a claim! Simple!

@Sticks48 Should I whisper? Some people listen more mindfully when it's whispered. Lol.

@EllenDale No, I have the attention spa.....Oh look a butterfly.

@Sticks48 That's my line! And It's a bunny, Sticks!

@EllenDale You saw a bunny? Cool! Was it laying Easter eggs?

@Sticks48 You know bunnies...always laying something!

@EllenDale Touche'

@Cosmo_blues I said HOW WELL DO YOU LISTEN ACTIVELY? Read my lips! Lol