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How well do you listen actively?

The Chinese symbol for listening consists of five separate symbols: ears, eyes, mind, heart, and undivided attention. Using that as a basis, how well do you listen?

#chinese
EllenDale 7 Feb 28
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24

Level 8

I'm sorry what was the question?

Wiseacre!

@LadyAlyxandrea lol

Before my wife left me she said: "you never listen to me."… At least that is what I think she said.
11

Level 8

I'm the best listener I've ever met.

It comes from 15-20 years of being too shy to talk and therefore doing nothing but listening. And being smart enough to take full advantage of whatever opportunity presents itself.

@stinkeye_a That was my beginning--shyness led to listening and watching. Then I studied it.

I can relate to this. I was shy when I was younger so I wouldn't talk much, but I did listen and pay attention. When I went out with my friends, they would go dance and I would watch, or should I say study, people. Now, I listen but also participate in the conversation more.

Imagine if you and another champion listener tried to have a conversation. There would be some kind of anti-noise feedback loop that might vacuum up every sound in the universe! It would be quietly, attentively awesome.
9

Level 8

I'm usually pretty good at listening, but there are times my mind wanders. When my father retells something that happened to him and his story takes longer than the actual events, I find it awfully hard to stay focused.

keep off the weed or smoke more

@resserts Try mindfulness to improve your focus (undivided attention).

6

Level 7

Sorry, what was the question...?

@Hominid I couldn't find the quote, but I read that people found Jacqueline Kennedy fascinating because she was such a good listener -- as if the speaker and listener were the only people in the world.

@EllenDale - That truly is a gift; it requires the listener to be so in the now, and not trying to think of something to say back...

@Hominid Not thinking of a reply is sooooo difficult.
4

Level 7

I work at listening. Not a problem with well thought out conversation. Now, blather is another matter. I lead a couple of small groups, and always ask the members to listen, and not think about what their response will be.

@Or-Humanist You've hit the nail on the head -- undivided attention = mindfulness.
4

Level 7

Since I have a hearing loss, I'd say I do not listen well, lol.

marga Level 7 Feb 28, 2018
Reply

@marga I also suffered some hearing loss (too many front row seats at the '70s and '80s concerts). It has always helped me to watch a speaker so I can see the lips if I missed something. In college, that made retention shoot up and note taking drop way down. Now if people speak too softly or mumble, I lose interest and quit listening.
4

Level 5

I listen to all I don't always take it on board or hear it as I'm not like others but I listen, watch and see like few others.

3

Level 8

Much better than I used to, but it depends on a number of variables. I do work very hard at it.

@tioteo That's why it's now referred to as active listening. And it's very hard work. Ask anyone who does it for a living.
3

Level 4

I try to listen very carefully to the people I’m talking to. Pulp Fiction was what did it for me - the deleted scene where Uma Thurman and Travolta are talking about being a listener, or waiting to speak really struck a chord for me.
I realized how disrespectful it is to the person I’m talking to, and really myself, to be a “wait to speak” kind of person.
My trouble these days is engaging in the kinds of conversations that hold my attention.

there's a difference between being talked at and a conversation. talked at is like one person shooting the other. conversation is more like a good volley of table tennis but slower.

I like that analogy @LeighShelton

@ModernDayViking That's the weakness of many of us, undivided attention. It's so much easier when I'm interested in the subject. Unless the speaker is naked, of course! Lol

@EllenDale i conquer lol
3

Level 6

I usually just wait for the person to say a trigger word that remind me or a quote from a song it a movie, then start singing or acting out the movie. Not sure if that answers the question. What were we talking about again?

JeffB Level 6 Feb 28, 2018
Reply

@JeffB Ah, the bane of communication -- trigger words.
3

Level 7

Communication is 7% verbal 53% visual and can't remember the other one so we don't really listen that well anyway . My problem is that I take the words said literally when some people have double meanings for things or won't you to read their minds

@SimonMorgan1 Wow. Most people have never heard of Albert Mehrabian's work! Most of us listen to the 7% verbal part. Mehranian found that IF there was incongruency between verbal (7%) and nonverbal (93%), people believed the nonverbal. Fascinating subject!

@EllenDale got taught it when i did my diploma in youth work

@SimonMorgan1 Good on ya!
2

Level 9

Depends on how interesting I find the person and/or the topic.

@wordywalt Those are very common problems, too.
2

Level 9

A really really good listener. I worked in Mental Health - what else would I be?

I still think getting an education was a a self defense move. So many people have told me terrible things about their lives - because I listen. Also not so terrible things. 😉

@RavenCT And I bet you use that education to enable you not to bring that work home with you.

@AMGT Yes I had clients who were droners. That was a real challenge. Especially when I'd give feedback and we'd go over it again and again on a loop. But I totally get how that happens to people and is part of depression - etc....

@EllenDale I wish I could have? I no longer work (disabled) but I was not good about leaving it all at the door.
I work on that harder now then I did then.

People have the ability to change their circumstances (usually - my exception was teens and kids - and now I'd add in disability to some extent) - and obsessing about them being unwilling to change and their being unhappy? Just not good. Benefits no one.

I think I believed Psych was a science. So my brain wanted to come up with an answer. That's not how that works. 😉

@RavenCT I bet it's what parents and grandparents get caught up in with children. My granddaughter is PDD-NOS, the highest form of autism, and she reacts to the slightest thing in a very emotional way. Because the father abdicated his personal and financial responsibility, her mother and I raised her. I'm surprised we didn't pull out every hair on our heads because of repetition she required!

@EllenDale Oh we had a dual diagnosed teen we worked with. I'm surprised I'm not bald?

@RavenCT I hear pink wigs are on sale!
2

Level 8

I like the Chinese meaning of listening.

My wife says I'm autism spectrum, and I agree. So, listening is a thing I have to work at. I'm OK when I attend, but sometimes focus on other things too much.

@EdEarl Practice mindfulness and your undivided attention will follow.

@EllenDale Already practicing

2

Level 9

Depends on where and with whom..and the conversation..generally about 90%..except for Drumpf..I tune him entirely out..

@Charlene For him we both seem to practice pointedly divided attention.

@EllenDale that voice just sets my nerves on fire!

@Charlene Plus his inability to think for himself drives me crazy! The DACA shuffle he does on what he wants in return is Kelly all the way! How many times did he tell Congress, "You fellows work it out and bring it to me, and I'll sign it." Bullshit!

@EllenDale aaaargh..no joke..
2

Level 8

I actually listen to everything going on around me very closely all the time, but due to the fact that in addition to what I'm listening to I'm generally thinking about at least six other things too (cats, cakes, a song I heard in 1982, bicycles, 1920s German films, why tractors sometimes have weights stuck on the front, stuff like that) I give the impression of not listening to anything. I've had to go through life with teachers, my parents and assorted partners all yelling at me for not listening as a result, even though I can repeat everything they've said to me in the last week or so.

Jnei Level 8 Feb 28, 2018
Reply

@Jnei I'm ADHD, and I had a hard time learning to listen, too. However, I found it is like wearing a training bra. At first, you don't think you need it and see no difference, but as time goes on, the training becomes apparent and appreciated. 😉

@EllenDale I think I'm always listening because I have trouble picking out detail from background noise, for example speech in a shop or other moderately noisy environment. Hence my ears have got stuck on full sensitivity and won't switch off!

@Jnei Happens to the best of us when we reach a certain age (or certain number of words!). But you're young to have it from age! Must be the number of words!

@EllenDale I'm not that young, and I've been like it all my life!

@Jnei I have hyperacusis its a deafness up to a certain level and so when I go into a shop that has loud music its suddenly too much noise and it is hard to cope with there is an intensity when the sound kicks in

@jacpod Interesting - that perfectly describes what I experience. Sufficiently so, in fact, that now I've had a quick read up on it, I think I might have a word with my doctor about an audiogram.
2

Level 8

I listen and pay attention very intently. Sometimes when I'm too emotionally wound up I might not react as much or as appropriately as I should but even then I will remember what was said with accuracy and come back to it later if possible. I want to be able to communicate and if I don't pay attention to what was said and how it was said how can any of us hope to have any kind of connection? I guess for me connection and understanding I'm not ever truly alone is central to life.

@The worst part of being a good listener is that they are far and few between. It's hard to find one when you need one.

@EllenDale Ain't it the truth!
2

Level 8

I don’t listen very well at all.

@NothinnXpreVails Ah, an honest respondent! Cheers to you! Lol

Lol @EllenDale

2

Level 2

In my life, listening is situational, even though I strive to be present in every conversation. This being posted in this sub-forum, I will treat my example as such.

If I want to listen and let the other person know I understand them, it helps to repeat what they say to you when they finish.

IE: Them - I feel lost and out of it when it comes to your feelings.
You - I understand that you feel lost and out of it when it comes to my feelings.

The point is to reinforce what you hear and to communicate your understanding. It works wonders, but can slow down a conversation.

@Corwin It works wonders in relationships!
2

Level 7

Sorry.

What was the question?

@Uncorrugated Vroom Vroom! It's hard to hear over that bike motor! Lol
1

Level 7

Serious. I was a reporter for a while, so it does help you become a better listener. And I'm naturally curious, so I love to ask questions.

@phil21 Although communication is a soft science, research shows it does help.

@EllenDale You have something against soft sciences? There'd be no commercials on NFL Sunday without it!

@phil21 No. It was my major and career for 20 years. It's just that some people (mostly conservatives) don't believe it. I'm a bit sensitive to its acceptability

@EllenDale Well, it was in the College of LIBERAL Arts. We are much more fun to hang out with. I just got back from a conference full of creative types and professional communicators. It is wonderful how easy it is to make friends.
1

Level 7

I am probably the best listener ever. A lot better than Obama, who left our listening forces in sad shape.
I'm having Jared fix out listening program. Unless they are wiretaping me and then I am against it.

@phil21 Jared can't work on the listening program. He lost his security clearance. But the WH caligrapher has clearance and will be working post haste on the listening forces.
1

Level 7

I'm a fantastic listener. Unfotunately, most people are not very interesting. I am the human boring ass magnate from hell. I must be sending out signals because they know I am easy prey. I think I have heard everybody's life story east of the Mississippi. I am a bartender without a bar. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

@ollieberry If you have no bar, go lay a claim! Simple!
1

Level 9

I'm sorry. Could you please repeat that?

@Sticks48 Should I whisper? Some people listen more mindfully when it's whispered. Lol.

@EllenDale No, I have the attention spa.....Oh look a butterfly.

@Sticks48 That's my line! And It's a bunny, Sticks!

@EllenDale You saw a bunny? Cool! Was it laying Easter eggs?

@Sticks48 You know bunnies...always laying something!

@EllenDale Touche'
1

Level 4

I’m sorry, what did you say?

@Cosmo_blues I said HOW WELL DO YOU LISTEN ACTIVELY? Read my lips! Lol
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