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There is more to love than gender and attraction. I wear my heart on my sleeve. "Maybe she will like me but I can't say a word because she is more likely to tell me to take a hike. Other men have ruined her for me."

zrez 4 Feb 28
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zrez’s Vows to the Members of Agnostic.com

Starting today, March 2, 2018, I will…

1.) never use a member’s screen name in a message

2.) never make a direct quote of a member

3.) not call anybody undesirable or unworthy of notice

4.) never block, criticize, or delete memberships

zrez’s Requests of the Members of Agnostic.com

Please…

1.) do not reject me

2.) do not make pejoratives about me

3.) do not give me advice

4.) submit your question and complements privately

5.) place comments about me where I can find them

6.) like

zrez Level 4 Mar 3, 2018
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Surely the model we have in each of our brains contains flaws. Without a constant vigil and correction of these errors the flaws will multiply. I practice what I call "Algorithmic Memory" I go over and over in my mind my past. If I find an error I fix it. I remember my birth. Before I was two we lived in a different house; the bathtub had deep blue tiles with angelfish painted on them. My forth birthday, Robert Kennedy died, and nobody came. In kindergarten, a boy, repeatedly threw sand in my face from the sandbox. Two years later, the Mormon brothers in my neighborhood asked me to fix the drain by crawling under their house, where a nest of black widows waited. I remember every word verbatim my love interests have said to me. Long ago I vowed to fix everything wrong with humanity and my work will never be satisfactory. Still, a noble enterprise, can you agree?

zrez Level 4 Mar 2, 2018
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The physical response of arousal is obviously governed by the brain. An individual who becomes aroused by a certain kind of stimulus, may not arouse someone else and vice versa. Thinking the mind and genitalia are not connected and in agreement is absurd. For biology to function it must be guided by something more than reflex; otherwise, it would erode back into the primordial goop it came from.

zrez Level 4 Mar 2, 2018
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Fine, I will not complain about others ever again. Please refrain from talking about me in the pejorative. There will be no retrobution if you do.

Love is something that has evaded definition from the point its four letters were sequenced. Some say, "God is love." but fail to recognoze God is a fiction or at least refuses to show himself or herself if gender has a meaning in the context of a deity. If the word, "Love." is to have a definition, it should hold, its highest form would be selfless and eternal.

Too often we are concerned with our own perspective, believing "My way or the highway." We reject those who do not share our point of view. We tell them, "If you only saw things the way I do, we would get along." ignoring the fact that everybody is different. We need to be tolerant, forgiving, and patient. Communication needs to be the vehicle for understanding. If we close doors on the free exchange we shall surely never grow beyond who we are today.

zrez Level 4 Mar 2, 2018
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This sounds alot like what I used to do -- make general statements about everyone else and just reject them before they rejected me so I could avoid being hurt. Not being able to see past my fear and pain kept me from even seeing any possibilities for years.

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So is this what the whole 'male lesbian' thing in the LGBT+ forum is about? You don't know how to chat up women? You just don't have that predator instinct? Welcome to the club, mate. Been there. Done that. Got the T-Shirt. After some brief teenage same sex experimentation, I remained a practising heterosexual in my 40s. I was crap at 'chatting up' women and didn't know where to start. I have never had a relationship with a woman that didn't start through a dating ad or site, because I never had the confidence to strike up the conversation unless I could be sure they were looking for the same thing as I was. I used to have people tell me that a woman was interested in me (it did happen a few times) because I wouldn't notice. When I did notice, I usually got it wrong. I recall making a complete idiot of myself when I thought I'd 'chatted up' a waitress in a hotel. I waited for her to finish her shift and asked her if she fancied going for a drink. Turned out she was just being pleasant and doing her job, and wasn't happy that I'd taken it the wrong way.

I've always blamed my ineptitude with women on my mother. Separated from my father when I was 9 years old (divorced shortly after) I listened to her "all men are bastards" mantra on a regular basis. Having dated a few now, I can actually see where she's coming from. A lot of them are total self-serving arseholes who'll offer you the world, but take it all away the moment they orgasm. Yet some aren't, and they should be treasured. Anyhow, I wonder whether you have a similar powerful misandric female in your life that might have instilled the same sense of unworthiness of women in you.

The whole "women like bastards" thing is a bit of a cliché, but not without some truth behind it. Increasingly, women are rational about it and want a partner who will treat them as an equal. Then again, look how many copies of 50 Shades of Grey sold. A book about a woman who gives up all of her sexual inhibitions for the chance of a go in an Audi R8. We're still mammals, we haven't completely evolved beyond our animal mating instincts, and those instincts are routinely played out by people who have a BDSM dynamic in their lives. That programming is typically assertive male and passive female. Though a lot of people do enjoy reversing the roles.

Theories of a male and female mind are hotly disputed in the transgender world. There's little evidence to support it. Too much overlap between the so-called difference between male and female brain structure, and what trends are found can most plausibly be explained in different hormone levels between the sexes. Sexual dimorphism manifests in a number of ways. Bigger hands. Broader shoulders. Narrower hips. All in response to levels of masculising and feminising hormones (we all have some of both.) Why can't physical brain differences (if they exist) simply be attributed to androgen exposure? There's even the question of whether thinking like a man or a woman can affect physical brain development. A London taxi driver, learing 'the knowledge' (all of the routes around Central London, off by heart) grows a measurably larger hippocampus. Why can't feeling like you're a woman make your brain develop physical differences to someone who feels like they're a man?

Personally, I've never been a fan of the 'born this way' argument. "I'm sorry I'm broken. I've tried so hard to be what society wants me to be, but I just can't. Please don't hate me." What is wrong with being gay, transgender, or neither, but feeling you're more suited to a feminine role, as a choice? What you've actually touched on here is the absurdity of gender policing. It should be fine for there to be feminine men. It should be fine for there to be masculine women. You shouldn't need to identify a certain way to be excused for being these things.

I'm still not convinced that it makes you a lesbian, by any commonly accepted definition of the word.

TLDR? Can't say I blame you 🙂

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The Mind and Body of Love

I am working to make the subject of sexual orientation a concisely defined science; an ambitious undertaking. The poorly understood mindset of people of other orientations has become a problem of epic proportions.

The brain is a complicated organ. Perhaps the most complicated organ on Earth in the case of mammals. Some may argue the female reproductive system is even more complex; but when considering this question, it is important to keep in mind the achievements and versatility of the human brain.

In choosing a mate the mind is key. There are factors considered subconscienciously and set in motion before birth. To believe the genitalia somehow determines how the mind functions is foolhardy. Biology has plans undenounced and secret. We shall never know the reasons for orientation if we simply guess.

What follows is a terribly short list of definitions.
For the sake of brevity, please understand if you are not represented.

"male" meaning "an animal having male genitalia"
"female" meaning "an animal having female genitalia"
"straight" meaning "conventional and orthodox sexual orientation"
"gay" meaning "a male mind who likes sex involving male genitalia"
"lesbian" meaning "a female mind who likes sex involving female genitalia"
"bisexual" meaning "an individual who likes sex involving male and or female genitalia"

As hinted above, the mind and genitalia can have different genders. The mind and natal genitalia are not separate. Every combination possible has a different mindset and presentation. Any notion that one combination can comprehend the emotions and motivations of another will be met with disappointment.

Sex is physical and is often used as a weapon by many parties to manipulate and control others. Love and sex, despite the temptation to believe they are synonymous, are not related at all. To believe that love is something physical is shortsighted and prejudicial. Love is often expressed selflessly and without regard to basic needs and desires the individual has.

zrez Level 4 Mar 1, 2018

Surely it's either about minds and minds or genitals and genitals. You can't have it both ways.

Your definition of lesbian is thoroughly contrived to suit your own agenda. I bet you haven't found a single person who agrees with it, unless it's been speaking to others who identify as 'male lesbians' too. 'Male lesbian' is completely self-contradictory. A better example of an oxymoron than 'military intelligence.'

As I've said a few times now, sexuality is about sex. If we conveniently ignore the complications introduced by transsexual and intersex people, sex boils down to whether you have a penis or a vagina. You don't dispute this. If you want to invent 'genderuality' in parallel to sexuality, then go right ahead. But if that's all about male and female minds, then as a lesbian, you should be quite contented with another female minded person who happens to have a penis.

I've removed you from the LGBT+ group, partly because you're objectively a heterosexual male with fantasies about lesbian sex, but primarily due to the disrespect that you've repeatedly shown to actual LGBT+ people, and your perverse fantasy story that you linked to, about owning two female sex slaves and expecting them to have lesbian sex with you.

@NicoleCadmium give my new posts a read.

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Ladies you are far too dedicated to defending the mistakes of your past. Take a lesson from a much more experienced gal than you...

zrez Level 4 Mar 1, 2018
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You seem really unhappy with what you perceive?
Unless your going after only shallow women - I think you have a misconception.

If you tell us the actual problem - we might be able to help.

Also I saw your original profile. You have no cause to be raining down on people for their own life experience.

I am unhappy and it is the shallow woman who get screwed every time. if you feel rained down on, then you are someone who has been punked by a prick. It is the prick who has insulted you not me. I want you to wake up from the mind control such people practice. Don't be duped by a confident forceful bully. Look to the corners of the room for the one who can't look at you when you glance in their direction. They are the ones who care too much to know how to tell you. For them, rejection is more dangerous than no interaction at all. They want what you want and if you don't want them they don't want to know.

@zrez I can't tell if you are confused or trolling?

"I am unhappy".
So you're unhappy.

"It's the shallow woman who get screwed every time." I don't know what you mean by that at all? You aren't female - so you aren't talking about you. (I'm going with that because you have a beard and if you identified as female - you wouldn't probably have one). But again I could be wrong.

I've mainly dated Engineers (ok and a Physics Major) so no they weren't the ones being peacocks in the middle of a room? I had to get to know them as people before we dated.

I still think that's a good process.

I can't tell if you want reassurances or to be told it can't happen?

However: Love can happen. Relationships can happen. and Friendships can happen.

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After 15,000 orgasums and countless pornographic concubines a male lesbian loses intrest in his own pleasure and turns to coacsing women to feel what he has wittnesses others do for them.

zrez Level 4 Mar 1, 2018
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Yes, it takes time and conversations!
Don't worry about connections. Corny yes but - be you - talk about things you enjoy, Listen to what she enjoys, and see where you match up. Meet again and repeat.

@Donna_I

That was the first bit of encouragement I have gotten here!

@zrez I hope you find what you are looking for!

@Donna_I

"Love." A one-word commandment to always do good.

"Good." Is not always pleasant or fair.

@zrez 'love' should be the best of human emotions but you are correct that what should be isn't always the way it is.

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I could not ask for a better demonstration of the problem. Women love jackasses and reject those with veracity. The confident trailer trash scores more points because he does not let on that his words are just a con to get laid. The man who says what he thinks before testing how it sounds gets trashed and ridiculed. Women beware, your mind is a slave to manipulation.

zrez Level 4 Feb 28, 2018
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I think that just might be a false premise. There are plenty of women here that are still looking.

Take some heart that people aren't damaged beyond repair and might actually respond to your overtures.

Yeah, women who are going to fall for the same idiots over and over and over. I have no chance by saying what I really feel. You said yourself, my premise could be false; meaning, you think you are above being fooled by the womanizers. How many of them have you opened your door for? I would be surprised if you have not been with at least one.

@zrez Meaning I think there are good and decent women out there who aren't blatant idiots.

You know nothing of my personal life.

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There's more to life than love or sex but they're both important.

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This is exactly the thing. rejection, rejection, rejection... women presuppose the guy who is a smooth talker who gets his words exactly right is a good mate. nothing could be farther from the truth. go ahead, lose your virginity to an asshole but after he has cheated on you a dozen times maybe you'll give me the time of day at the minimart. And, wonder why I asked when it was on my cell phone.

zrez Level 4 Feb 28, 2018

@Gwendolyn2018 I have done nothing but introspection. The fault is not mine. Genetics has been the culprit. Like the movie "Idiocracy" when the stupid reproduce without any concerns and those who worry about the future don't. When I look to someone for love I always test them with words. "How are they going to take it if I screw up and say something desperate or needy?" Are they going to say I am a stocker or are they going to internalize their own failed attempts at finding a soulmate and sympathize? How do you think that turned out?

@xamountofstars haven't you noticed? The vast majority of guys out there are jerks. Women fall for their confident "There are plenty of fish in the ocean." every single time. You don't see it, but I do!

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I'm happier being single.

nature breeds through love. if you go without you shall fade away.

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Not true. Women are apparently attracted by bold confidence, humor, and competence.It doesn't hurt to be fit and energetic, but dunno.

I'm a 65 year old female bodied person, yet even being partially transmale, I constantly attract straight women.
They often get crushes on me, then try to get revenge on me when I don't reciprocate (I'm demisexual, so can't be attracted sexually to anyone until after a year of close association).

Because I'm female, and teach, I don't have anything to offer women in the way of status or money, and it's not because of my nationality since both European and American have done this also...even before I realized I'm partially transmale.

I'm assuming it's my bold, confident manner that attracted them, not my rocking male body, handsome face, and white male status ..so that means anyone can do it.

If you are acting lovestruck and mooning around, or stalking women you will only scare them. Be bold, but NEVER needy. I didn't flirt at all, but I did listen to what women had to say, remembered, and referred to it later, complimented them on real things, indicating that I saw them as valuable people, but that might not be the reason, since I've had European women flip over me after just hanging briefly with me.

"bold confidence" equals "womanizing cheating asshole" good luck with that...

@zrez Did you read what I wrote at all? I don't flirt, I'm demisexual, with NO sexual attraction for any gender. Wow. I think I see what your problem is..

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