Agnostic.com

18 6

What did you hear me say? Them's fighting words.

"I understand your feelings," Nick said. "I understand."

"What did you just hear me say?" I asked, checking for comprehension.

"I vowed if I ever hear the same words from a woman that my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend said, I'm walking out," Nick replied. He did.

In the shitshow that is modern dating, you never know what triggers someone. My relationship with Nick lasted three weeks. The problems were sex and communication.

Even with hearing aids, Nick misses a lot of conversation. "What did she say?" he asked continually, sitting beside me at Cascade Unitarian Fellowship.

"As if 'what did you hear me say' is a terrible thing to ask," my friend Nancy laughed.

Your thoughts?

LiterateHiker 9 Mar 7
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

18 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

I like your list below. Netting things out in a list are handy with pro's and cons. After a while you will see the trends early on and cut your losses--business speak. It's hard to let go of the sunken costs--all the time and emotional energy you've put into a relationship.

The hearing issues are extremely frustrating for me. I never know when my wife has her hearing aids are in. The hear aids help but are not perfect. She often doesn't hear everything I've said or it gets misinterpreted. And then the TV is so loud.

1

Was what he was reacting to -- was it literally you asking "What did you just hear me say?" THAT is what he never wanted to hear again? If so, that's supremely weird.

1

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Glad you only had three weeks invested into it.

I've given up on trying to have relationships. To have a decent relationship there has to be give and take. I seem to only cross paths with the takers.

I wish for you better dates post-Nick.

2

Rather than it being 'modern dating' could you be stuck in a bad pattern? As I try to rebuild my life I've made some very poor choices in who I give my time and attention. I've had to take a step back and figure out how to change my behavior and am slowly getting better. Hope I've helped. Peace.

@kmdskit3

I screen men for intelligence, education, liberal politics, tolerant of my atheism, good grooming, humor, fitness, healthy lifestyle and enjoys hiking. Am I attracted to him? Do I enjoy his company?

Don't blame me for men's bad behavior. In my experience, most men can hold it together for about three weeks. Then their bad behavior comes out, the same bad behavior that killed their last relationships.

Unlike women I know, men my age don't work on their own issues. That's why their relationships don't last.

I dumped guys for:

  1. Mean streak. No wonder he was divorced three times.
  2. Constantly made us late. Obsessive checking/sorting disorder.
  3. Poor communication skills.
  4. Afraid of conflict.
  5. Terrified of love and commitment.
  6. Negative Nellie. Nobody wants to be around a negative person.
  7. Selfish, lousy lover.

@LiterateHiker Sorry if it seemed like I was blaming you for men's problems. Us men have plenty of bad behavior to own up to. All I was attempting to do was see if sharing my experience as another over the hill dater could be helpful.

@kmdskit3

Apology accepted. Thank you.

2

I think you are better off without him. Way too frustrating, in the end you may have wanted to commit murder or suicide.

1

I think you are better off without him. Way too frustrating, in the end you may have wanted to commit murder or suicide.

2

If you can't communicate, that's a deal-breaker.

2

Good riddance to bad rubbish.
You're better off.
Luckily it only took 3 weeks to find out, and not longer.

Yes,you could have been really deep in the emotional pool,and then have your heart ripped out of your chest, and get stomped on....

1

Yup, modern day dating is,indeed, a shitshow. I just got dumped before we even met in person because I confessed that if the woman I met last spring hadn't gotten sick and is now on her deathbed we would still be together. Too much truthiness. I think I'll stop looking.

1

Yikes...I just read the 5 deal breakers you listed below. I would have walked out on him way before the "What did you hear me say?" incident. You have way more patience than I do. He sounds like a horrible boyfriend, to say the least. You are better off. It's a jungle out there!

@Indubitably

Thank you. You're right.

1

Yikes.........if he is that easily triggered, he's got deeper issues than words. Count yourself lucky.

@Mitch07102

You are right. Thanks for confirming my thinking.

Nick's schtick is to introduce himself with: "Call me Happy! My granddaughter named me Happy when she was four."

An apple grower, Nick hands out apples wherever he goes. Grandstanding.

But inside, he is deeply unhappy and insecure.

@LiterateHiker I am amazed you made it three weeks.......

@Mitch07102

"Nick is a blast to hike with," my hiking partner Karen said. She's right. We had fun hiking together.

I delayed having sex with Nick for two weeks. He never told me he has erectile dysfunction.

"I was trying to do it naturally," he said after I worked over him unsuccessfully for an hour the first time. Frustrating.

By the third week, I was fed up with his behavior. When I tried to talk with him about it, he walked out. Good riddance.

@LiterateHiker Good for you. You can have fun hiking by yourself without the headache.

@LiterateHiker That sequence of events suggests something. Now I'm thinking he may have reacted the way he did due to embarrassment over the ED incident. He was frustrated, he knew you were frustrated, he figured he couldn't do anything about it so he bailed using the most convenient excuse he had -- the hearing issue.

@Sgt_Spanky Possible but still indicative of immaturity and insecurity. LH was best to move on. At his age, you don't have time to mold him. He's a big boy, needs to get his shit together.

@Mitch07102 I'm not suggesting she shouldn't move on, they weren't compatible. I'm just speculating based on new info.

2

Good move for you, and it's hard to find an active listener. Hope that the Netflix series comes out sooner than 2025.?

@oldFloyd

Very funny! Love your sense of humor.

1

You need a better pre-date questionnaire. Also, try to concentrate on guys with better hearing. Sorry this went down the shitter for you. Keep trying.

2

Another chapter in "The Life & Times of LiterateHiker".
😉.
"What did you hear me say?" --- Great chapter title.

@bigpawbullets

Hilarious! Love your sense of humor.

1

If you sense that there be some real miscommunication, those are valid things to ask.

2

Embrace the good times you had with him and let him go on his way. You deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt.

4

This is a scenario that recently happened to you; a hearing impaired guy dumped you because you asked him if he'd heard you correctly? For real?

2

Nothing the matter with asking that but I would give a little leeway to someone with a hearing deficit.

@mooredolezal

Let me count the deal-breakers:

  1. With erectile dysfunction, Nick took less than half of a dose of Cialis. The result was constant collapsing and shriveling.

  2. He insisted on silent sex. That's not me.

  3. Lousy communication. He walked out when I tried to resolve conflict.

  4. Needy. Said "I love you" after a week. Showed up hungry every day and wolfed down my food.

  5. Nick made big promises and never followed through.

@LiterateHiker you got me all wrong Kathleen. I'm not defending him, sorry if it sounded that way. I just meant in general that should be taken into consideration. I wasn't talking about your relationship.

@LiterateHiker PS glad to hear you're a screamer. Don't worry if you ever meet me, I cuss up a storm. Also since my testosterone shots I don't need sildenafil but I keep some by just for some extra fun! LOL

@mooredolezal

I love titillating, sexy talk and laughter during sex. The mind is the best sex organ.

No screaming here.

@LiterateHiker I agree, I sort of exaggerated. I do however like to hear a vocal response when a woman reaches orgasm.

All these! And much more will be covered in the soon to be released best selling, tell all book!
Netflix mini series coming in 2025!!!

@mooredolezal Have to agree with you, there's nothing more inspiring than a woman exhibiting some enthusiasm for the experience, however she chooses to do that. I truly don't understand "silent" sex or sex in the dark or dutiful sex.

@mordant I know it's sort of creepy.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:305601
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.