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23 10

Who is good enough ( my Sunday morning rant)

I've only been here a couple weeks and I see a lot of posts about what people won't accept in a potential partner. They must have the same education, same income, same interest, read the same books, and so on. It sounds like y'all want to date yourself. I've learned to not limit myself to possibilities. Once I danced all night with a girl in a wheelchair in Memphis. Had an amazing time. The best relationship I've ever been a part of was with a recovering addict who was bi-polar, and OCD. Ive been with a woman 14 years older than me, and one 10 years younger. When you open yourself up to possibilities you may end up being disappointed and have to try again but if you're afraid to take a chance life is boring. Apparently I'm not good enough for anyone here. I quit school in the 9th grade, I've been to jail a dozen times. I like to smoke pot. I could show you a picture of my last girlfriend and the smile on her face should tell you more about me than where I went to school or the last book I read. I'm not interested in fitting in anybody's box of expectations. For a group who claims to be free thinking and open minded y'all sure set a lot of limits on people. I've had a few good conversations too so I'm just saying I see a lot more closed doors than open. I'm here to hopefully meet some friends and hopefully find someone who can be a potential partner. I'm much more interested in possibilities than limits. Thanks

Jameson 7 Mar 4

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23 comments

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21

Good for you, but I've been around the block often enough to know that I am not going to have any respect for a Trump supporter, and if you haven't read a book since HS we aren't going to have much to talk about. I like what I like, you like what you like, and what works for you won't likely work for me. Thanks for your input and welcome to the site. And we share a birthday, but I've had a few more than you!

Well said HippieChick!

9

Whoa ! "I'm not good enough for anybody on here"? You've been single ONE year (and I'm sorry for your loss), but after 10 years of marriage, I've been single for 40 years ! Sometimes love takes time.

If only we knew how MUCH time, right? I mean, it might lead to better planning (for example: you are just about to take a job in a new city, and then you find someone local, and it starts to go somewhere. Now you've got a dilemma). One year is a long time to go without love. I'm not looking forward to it (only 9 months to go, though, so woo-hoo!).

I'm in no hurry to find a boyfriend. May 1st will I'll have been single for 2 years.

@dutchirish: Yeah, no kidding. It's not only women who are picky. I've been single for over 30 years. I'm not beautiful, but I'm okay looking, or at least I was until I got so wrinkled from illness, and I'm a smart, funny, independent woman with a lot on the ball. However, I'm not a pretty, sexy woman, and I've found (in my experience) that most men do not want smart and independent as much as they want someone pretty and vivacious. The last date I went on, just a few weeks ago, the man was pretty insistent on getting together. However, when we met, he apparently decided right off the bat that he wasn't interested after all. He pulled out his phone (even before we sat down) and spent the entire time playing with it. All of his "liking" me went right out the window before I even said anything. And he ended the date after one hour with a very lame excuse.

8

I have seen on this site being a nonbeliever doesn't mean folks are open minded. The two are not mutually inclusive.

@Akfishlady whose boundaries? I could name names...too many...so I agree with Sticks.

I came here to meet like minded people...agnostics and even those atheists who aren't compelled to incessantly "debate" all those things they, or no other human being, could possibly know with any certainty...

...and then they wonder why no one likes them...like this person...

8

For some of us with a few more miles on the odometer it is about not repeating past mistakes, we want to find new mistakes to make. I like men who are quick off the mark, don't care if they have the education to match. Can't handle arch conservatives, the desire to throttle them is to much of a temptation. As far as income goes as long as they can keep themselves, I'm cool.
My biggest prejudice is against career military, was married to one of them and don't take to being ordered around real well and they better like live music because I do and I'm tired of going by myself.
There are the usual ones regarding personal hygiene, not abusive and not a raging alcoholic but on the whole people are who they are and I'm not much worried about peoples past.

Kimba Level 7 Mar 4, 2018
7

Feel the same way-tried a longdistance relationship from ourmembership. Still looking. I am a free spirit who disregards limitations of age, income,drug use, social standing. Just be an animallover, love music andpeople. Don't be a neat freak.

6

So, I'm no expert, but this is some of the things I have found (with exceptions, but they're rare):

  1. Women tend to want longer-term relationships right from the outset. So, you know, they have a checklist. In a way, they are in the mind-set of letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. I hope that this is supposed to be a kind of filter, of weeding out unwanted attraction. But it's like the search engine filters that don't quite get you the results you want. Still too much junk, and not enough highly-targeted results. Their main mistake is having too many filters. Pick the most important 2 or 3, and be really selective there. Other things can be negotiated on a case-by-case basis.

  2. Guys want results too fast. The range of time I have spent "in-between" has ranged from 1 month to 3 years. And that's just MEETING someone. A proper courtship takes additional time, and most guys aren't even good at it. Women appreciate sustained effort. So, buck up and take it straight. Life makes no promises.

5

@Jameson, no-one is perfect until they're perfect for you. I married a man who I would never have thought of being with, no-one was more surprised than I when it happened 🙂
Think better of yourself and when you do that other people think better of you x

5

Just because they are describing a ,"Ken Doll", doesn't mean anything. We all have our idea of the perfect date, friend or soulmate, mine would be; 6' tall, long blonde hair, (real), blues eyes, IQ over 140, no children, widowed, owns a condo, drives a BMW and under 40. You really don't want to see a women say online, I'm desprate and I take anything that comes by me. No women I now would put that on a bio.

4

I am like many others here, I have a do not date list of things, mostly based on the problems I had in previous relationships. Check out my profile pic of me and the ex , we are nothing alike, I certainly wouldn't date anyone like myself.
Hate to say it mate, but you fall short of my number 1 requirement, you are not female.
I left school and family at 16, never read anything but school books before that, and never read a book by choice until I was 30, have never played a team sport. Our lives are all different, we are all different. I find the value of a person is their capacity/potential to improve, whether that is learning something new, improving their fitness, getting a new qualification or licence , learning a new recipe. It is all up there with me.

I think you and I may be a bit alike, I always feel people are judging me and finding me wanting.
On the other hand, my policy is to under promise and over deliver, so I seriously undersell myself. I do this particularly on dating sites, I don't lie, but I do emphasize the bad and play down my positives.
Just for interest, my best relationship was with a lady who is now an addict, and my 2nd best was with an ex addict.
People/ladies you may not be a dating match with may turn ut to be people you end up having awesome conversations with.
None of us are perfect. Great post BTW.

4

Good for you? I'm not even sure I should be answering this...I'm not looking for a relationship...I'm just a guy who likes to have some fun.

By proxy I "date" a lot of beautiful, intelligent, creative, young women as a model tog and act lead in which said act has a beautiful, intelligent, creative, young frontwoman. "Dates" are usually meals and breaks from our sessions and usually nothing more. Still, the mere company of such wonderful ladies goes a long way for a guy my age.

I no longer risk the business of these relationships for any possible "pleasures"...that's led to some disastrous results. Besides, some of the greatest "loves of my life" are from those very special but completely platonic relationships in which I've wondered if we were closer, more open and honest than most married couples...

...wondered, in that I never married and never intend to do so. I've dated "outside my box" and, while that can be fun, it hardly compares. My standards are so incredibly high because they can be and I see absolutely no reason they should be otherwise.

4

swim in this sea a while and see what happens. you obviously also know what you don't like

4

Whatever works for you

jeffy Level 7 Mar 4, 2018
3

Good luck finding someone.

2

Great post! I read these laundry lusts of " must haves" and immediately think a few things:

  1. No wonder this person is alone
    2.Who the hell do you think You are?
    And especially 3. Run!

Thanks

2

Wow, don't hold back; tell us how you REALLY feel.

Seriously though, while there are people who are so picky they will never have a serious, enduring relationship -- the stereotype here is a forty-something woman finally ready to get married and having 3,472 detailed requirements for the Perfect Man who doesn't exist -- still, there's nothing wrong with understanding your own needs and limitations. It saves you AND your prospective partners a lot of time.

I think I'm a pretty good balance with my current wife. We're very different in some ways but share a lot of experiences that make us relatable to each other. She grew up in 1960s Berkeley and I grew up in rural Illinois. That's a big difference right there. But we're both curious and that is a non-negotiable for both of us. Some restrictions actually OPEN UP the possibilities. It's important to have things to talk about and that means a reasonable amount of shared experiences and interests.

2

I sure like the way you think! I myself, would not date a pot smoker, unless you had some debilitating illness that it helped. But, I even stopped alcohol because, I only have one brain and it has to last me this lifetime! But, I do agree with you about exploring possibilities in this life. Sooner or later you will find what will fit who you are. And that usually works for everyone! I would leave myself free to explore, too!

1

Right now I've a primary that should not be with me, on paper. We are quite different but have amazing chemistry anyway. There are still things I will not tolerate in a partner but I am well aware that you need to be open to possibility to see it.

Cheers!

1

i agree with you though theres a few boxes id love to fit into.

1

Ouch!

1

That's right Jameson, we gotta learn to be more accepting towards each other and try to support each other... just today I saw a post from a woman who said she would reject a perfect guy if he had one single flaw... seriously. Perfect except for one single flaw, she said ''next'' as if men just come out on a conveyor belt one after the other and she has thousands to pick from. It shows the mindset that if the man/woman is not 100% perfect... NEXT. Too picky. Too many options, no will to learn from each other unless we got 100% the same interests.

And you know what? I did not like traveling but I still loved a woman who was passionate about it. I wanted a beautiful woman but still got with one who was average looking. I wanted a gamer girl but still got with one who never played games. All 3 of them dumped me but the lesson is that it was better for me to be more open minded and accepting. I used to hate the idea of having kids but the last one wanted kids so I became more accepting of the idea...

Just one thing... smoking. I have a bad health condition with my lungs so unfortunately I can't accept that.

I hope more people have the same similar experiences as me (minus the unloyal part of women) and open their horizon to learn new things.

I'm happy you were more open but don't tell yourself you're not good enough... always remember dating sites are 99% men, 1% women, and women will always pick the top men. Competition is insanely fearce and unfortunately in the past few dozen years women have become man-haters who have zero interest in relationships. Unless you are really really amazing... they just don't care. They really do not care. It's not specifically about you Jameson... it's about ANY man.

Your post shows your age, you are mature and have life experience. I wish you the best Jameson, don't give up but I hope you don't let women get to you too much like they did with me...

Liviu Level 4 Mar 4, 2018

unfortunately in the past few dozen years women have become man-haters who have zero interest in relationships.

WHAT????

0

Well, heck, I'd give you a shot if you weren't so far away.....and if I was looking. 🙂

marga Level 7 Mar 11, 2018
0

Good job!! Making me think again about who i am and what i want!! Thank you!

0

I have been with older and younger women. One woman was 18 years my senior. Some not that much older. Currently I tend to be attracted to women half my age. This isn't carved in stone. My ex is 37 and I have an "online girlfriend" who is 54 but looks 28. Am I going to be living with my significant other in the future sometime? Who knows? It's hard to say.

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