Agree that her sexuality has nothing to do with it, her partner is very good with money, but her partner also avoids the party and club scene. It is the "scene" that I see as the problem, she and all her friends who are into it are always broke, living beyond their means. It is her desire/need to "fit in" with situations she cannot afford that is my concern.

@Rugglesby Our understanding of things comes so much from self. I'm a loner and never felt I had to fit in so when I see what to me seems counter productive behavior I am puzzled. Ya try to help but ultimately everyone is the captain of their own ship and you have to let them sail it.

@silverotter11 yep, so true , and you are right, I really don't see the attraction of that lifestyle. Nightlife parties and stuff has always left me cold, prefer to see people put their money and energy into getting ahead in life rather than clubbing their lives away.

@Rugglesby But where would we be without those juicy tabloid headlines? LOL

not to her sexuality, some of our gay friends are very responsible, but those into the "scene" struggle to pay their bills, yet are out partying every night. I guess I not it more with my daughter because the clubs she goes to are almost exclusively gay clubs and there is ALWAYS something happening in her calendar.

You are completely right, her fiance is a good money manager by all accounts, and does not party with the rest of them. I find it strange that my daughter continues to go out partying with her party friends, while her fiance stays home.

I am sure that trying to fit in is a big part of it, her mother rejected her as a child, and totally when she came out. She craves acceptance. One of the things that annoys me is she says she still cops prejudice and often. I really thought that this had largely faded in the area we live.

@Rugglesby I'm sure she is aware of your feelings toward bigotry, There is much more to be said for just being there than we know. My kids constantly tell me it is not what I said but how I lived my life that has had the most influence. It is enough for them that I am concerned. You are obviously concerned and I have not a Doubt she knows it. Just keep on truckin!

My son and I share a house, my daughter only moved out a few weeks back, very few secrets or reasons to have secrets.

ta, it has been a source of frustration. Daddys little girl with puppy dog eyes. Couple of years ago she was at my place with tyres falling apart, so 5 new tyres, last week was a new battery, she doesn't ask, she was here and car wouldn't start. Over protective father I know, my son says so as well.

@Rugglesby My therapist (my internal therapist, at least) would say that you may be making it too easy for her to be irresponsible. Do you expect her to pay you back when you perform these rescue maneuvers? Maybe it's time (next time, obviously) to negotiate a payment arrangement. Or encourage her to buy recycled (or retread-ed or whatever the term is) tires. (I didn't even know that was a THING until relatively recently.)

Call me crazy, but I'm going to guess that he cares because it's his daughter.

@fantasticalice no issues at all with her sexuality, just worry that she feels down at times and under financial pressure, from my perspective she should prioritise her spending better, but of course her friends are all broke like she is due to their lifestyle. I raised the kids on my own, they have done it tough, I would like them to have things a bit easier,

@BlueWave One can care too much.

@pnullifidian I disagree on that one, I nearly lost her at 15, spent a week in hospital with her, she was so sick they put a cot in her room for me as each day was touch and go, then a year later took her interstate for major surgery. She will always have a remnant health issue.

@Rugglesby I understand, believe me I do. Our son was hospitalized for two weeks with a severe spinal infection (osteomyelitis), as complication of what we later learned was Crohn's disease--he had 18 inches of his intestine removed. My wife and I tag-teamed the bedside watch. He's 27 now, and I love him more than ever ... more than words can really say. And he loves us too, but we had to let him fly ... not good bye, just a role transition. And I've learned more from him and his sister than I believe I ever taught them. Peace.

Why do you say he is "batting 500"? He has two wonderful kids, one of whom he sees eye-to-eye with re: money, and one whose approach to money he is less comfortable with. Doesn't add up to any kind of a problem that I can see.

I have seen several families including one in my family that displayed these traits and they have become major problems for the family. In two cases we no longer know what happened to the people they have fallen off the map. Two have becomes drug cases as they were never able to hold a job or stay with one person and always had money problems. The last case I am familiar with the person has been in and out of drug therapy and emotional therapy. She is 33 and has droped out of college ,had over 20 jobs is unemployed now and lives with parents and has over $40000 in debt.

Your not alone grand daughter driving family nuts

Yeah, it is not being gay the is the issue, her partner/fiance is really good at home and money management. But she also does not do the bars and nightclubs. This is another worry, that my daughter is out at all these expensive events and yet her partner is not.
I have a straight de-facto daughter who also does the clubbing with the group, she is just as bad managing money.

You could well be right, I guess it stands out because she only goes to gay venues, and as mentioned in another comment, her partner does not go to these places. Partying and such is fine but when you are always broke, needing car repairs and short for other expenses, maybe she should give the clubs a break for a while.

It's a lesson she needs to learn for herself, and perhaps never will. I wouldn't worry about it too much, as long as she isn't running up a ton of debt in the process. And again, even if she is, that's her business unless she's prone to running to you for money.

And maybe she'll grow out of it. I went through a phase a couple of years ago where I was doing nights out at least a couple of times a month, blowing a minimum of £50 each time (£100 if I was staying over in a hotel.) Now I tend to do it every other month, and that balance broadly works for me.

Some people are just predisposed to living hand to mouth. It's kind of circular. If you're used to not having money, then when you have a bit to spare, you do something fun with it. Which means that when you need money for an unexpected bill, you have no savings, and you're back to being flat broke again.

Thanks, I was wondering how much influence was from friends and lifestyle and how much form her mother. I know many of her friends and they are the same, and an ex flatmate who came out of the closest the same time , about 13 year ago is really so out there. We are still good mates though he moved interstate about 8 years back. He shocks his mother with his social media posts.

@Rugglesby Ehh, my mom still isn't crazy about a lot of the posts I make either. She is the utter opposite of a gay, liberal atheist. It is what it is.

@CollinChapman I know that one well my ex went ballistic when she found out. My daughter was terrified and invited her mother over so her brother and I would be there as moral support. 13 years later her mother is slowly coming around.

I`m not.

(sorry I couldn`t resist the life of Brian joke)

so true, I just worry tat she is always broke, and yet doing things I could never afford, I know, one is the reason for the other.

@Rugglesby I am right there with you! About a year ago, I made a vow to myself and also told my daughter that I would not be getting financially tangled with her any longer (no loans, no co-signing on cars or apartments). However, I was still occasionally sending her e-gift cards for groceries and such. I finally got to the point where I realized if she can afford acrylic nails every two weeks, and clothes, and 8000 pairs of shoes, and going out all the time, then she did not need my grocery money. She’s 28 now. I still worry about her constantly, but I cannot be her bank or hall monitor.

@BlueWave I totally agree with what you have stated.

@BlueWave That is pretty much the situation, I want to help her out, but don't want it squandered. I helped my son when his job died 2 months back, and have set aside the same amount to give to my daughter. I am happy for her to use it for rental bond, furniture and such for setting up their new place, but don't want to see it all go on 6 months of Maccas and theme parks. Part of me says to give it to her fiance to manage, but I feel my daughter would feel slighted, I think I would it is happened to me. ahhh the joys of kids.

@BlueWave agree100%

no, not a gay thing, just the over the top spending that she seems to think she must do to fit in with all her friends. Sadly they are all in the same position, clubbing and not paying their bills, So far at least she is not in debt, but only just.

youthful exuberance really. I'm not gay and that's what I basically did.

@LeighShelton same here lol I wasted so much time having fun/ a few regrets but oh well! I turned out ok

me too I think. you only live once.