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Do you find giving advice to someone who disregards it, is a waste of time.

I gave a 24-year-old atheist advice with his situation dealing with his ex. I think women can read other women's intentions and actions better than men can read women, and vice versa. He said she wanted to have good sex and him take her out to eat. I already saw that as she was using him. He had stated she's really immature for her age. (Now I see he is too) Later on, he said she used him. He had to learn the hard way though. I told him getting back with an ex is never a good idea. Now he's saying she has feelings for him. I am now not giving any advice and I don't care anymore. I had tried to help and be friendly. Right now I'm busy with my life and trying to better myself and how I view myself. I'm too old for this immature shit. I once was young and immature too, back when I was 20. Lol. That is not my fault she can't raise her own kid when it is split custody. Some women should not have children if they are not ready. IJS. I can't help anyone who doesn't want help.

Sarahroo29 8 Mar 6

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30 comments

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5

Most of the time, people hear your advice, but they don't listen because it's all about them, and their minds are already made up. However, I don't think giving advice is a waste of time or energy if someone asks for it and even so, you learn from it, because when we say something from our heart to help others, we are the ones who really benefit from it even if we don't realize it until much later.

I tried to help to save him the pain and heartache. He vented and was frustrated.

4

I try to make observations and ask questions rather than giving advice.

I don't really know what another person wants, even if they tell me. It just might not be so. So, to offer advice is to try to solve a problem that may not exist. Or at least, doesn't exist in the way that I perceive it.

Making observations and asking questions may help them come to conclusions on their own. I try to make it clear that I don't judge whatever they do. It's up to them in the end.

Okay, thank you.

Now THAT is a quality answer.

4

As a general rule 99% of all advice you give another person goes in one ear and out the other.

True.

3

Horse to water...

Yes.

3

I was a small business adviser for some years, I was paid by the Government so there was no cost to my clients. I could give them such well thought out expert advice, and they gave it the same value as that from their neighbour over the back fence. People pay more attention if they are paying for the advice.

Hmmm.... You're right.

3

Asking advice doesnt mean you have to take it as I often ask a few people myself.

True.

3

"Never give advice. The wise don't need it, fools won't heed it."

Thanks.

3

I try never to give advice. I don't want to get involved because it always comes back to bite me, lol.

I also never pay attention to unsolicited advice; I consider it being presumptious. However, I will ask for input on occasion, and when that is the case, I listen and think about the advice I'm given. I may not always follow it, but I will seriously consider what was said.

marga Level 7 Mar 6, 2018

Yes, thank you.

2

The one thing that hits me is the fact that both are immature for their ages. I'm 68 years old and I refuse to grow up.

Advise and opinions are like belly buttons. Everybody has one. A person can give advise and offer opinion on a lot of subjects. It's up to the person recieving to determine if they take it or not.

Yep.

2

I think you nailed it in your last sentence. The individual must want and ask for advice. Otherwise, yes, you are wasting your time. It also sounds like you became too invested into their problems, causing yourself unnecessary stress. Definitely work on loving you. That's always important. Gl

He was venting to me and was frustrated.

@Sarahroo29 yeah but a lot of times people aren't willing/ready to listen. They just need to vent. You did good and it was poo poo'd. That's on him, not on you 🙂

@ashortbeauty Okay, thanks.

2

No, there's always satisfaction in being able to say, "I told you so." 😉

When you offer advice at least you tried. Maybe, the person who didn't take it will be more open to it in the future.

JimG Level 8 Mar 6, 2018

Yes.

1

Unfortunately it’s your wasted time and energy ...

Yep.

1

Sounds like a huge mess that anyone would be careful to not get sucked into.

Ikr?

1

Mostly People asking for advice are using a hook- gambit to reel you in to listening to what they want to tell you or to get a free pass from you to do what they want to do and will do anyway.

Yep.

1

Sometiems I wonder if giving advice is more for the giver than the givee and also to teach us a lesson that people often have to learn their own lessons in order to claim the learning . I am not sayign i don't give gratuious advice but if people take a different way that is still their learning .

Yep.

1

I ma not sure about this one I think maybe we find our own humanity for ourselves in trying to help others - so sometimes it doesnt work out well - luck of the draw smile - move on - it never hurts to be compassionate or thoughtful and if they don't want it O.K.

Yes.

1

There is no way to know if your advice will help someone or not. You simply have to state your opinion and leave it at that without waiting for instant gratification of said opinion. People will take it in and spin it around...sometimes for decades! Just the other day something my Dad told me in 1972 came full circle and really took me by surprise. Too bad I can't thank him for his wisdom.......

I've been given good advice, but from people IDC about. I still use it though.

@Sarahroo29 For sure...doesn't matter the source if its solid info that you can mold to fit into your life.

@Highway-Starr Yes.

1

Depends of the person and the advice being given. I am often asked questions like:
Which computer, amplifier, decoder speaker etc. should I buy?, What OS is best, What programs are safe/best? How do you use (long list of programs and devices?)
How do you set up websites, projectors, audio etc. How do you design and build speakers, bass traps, stained glass windows etc. How do you fix (electrical, software, structural, mechanical) issues. Which food is best for me? How should I exercise? For these issues, I usually give long set of detailed options for each questioned asked.

As for advice in relationship issues: relatively speaking, this is seldom a question I am asked and usually respond with a variant including “I don’t know.” “You have a 1st person perspective and I can not make a well informed advice based on your biased observations.”

Idk anything about those things.

The less tech related advice, that of a personal nature, is typically offered based on one's experience. If someone younger than yourself seeks advice on a non-tech issue, sharing your perspective, as one who has experienced "whatever", can be helpful. Most of us have sought advice from others we viewed to be more experienced in life. None of it need to be taken as gospel but rather, another perspective outside of your own. It should all be prefaced with "IMHO" though.

@small1ldy A good point. When asked non-technical issues I will share similar (if available (usually 2nd hand)) stories with the conditional qualifying "This is what I have been told" or "I'm not sure but I've noticed" preface. My work includes a great deal of social interaction with younger people and I've found the best avenue to find solutions is to ask them a series of related questions that help them identify a given problem or behaviour and to find the best choice for the most positive outcome. The practice of asking them the probable outcome of each of given solution (yes, I occasionally suggest an additional choice) for each choice involves them as an active participant to determine their course of action.

1

Only give the amount of time, energy, or anything else to someone or something that you are willing to lose if it doesn't go well. That way you won't have resentments when things don't go well, and that is going to happen a noteworthy percentage of the time.

Yep.

1

Giving advice is usally a waste of time . Most people only want you to agree with them

Yep, you're right.

1

Advice rarely works because people often know what they should do they just don't know how to do it. If someone is in a bad relationship they usually know it. They talk to others to vent, and also hope the person they are talking to will say something new that will magically get them out of the psychological entrapment they are in. Also, the more you push someone to realize they are making a bad choice the more they will defend it. There is a whole counseling technique based around that truth, Motivational Interviewing. Many times I have worked with people in obviously abusive relationships, and I learned if I point out the behavior that is abusive, more often than not, they will start defending the abuser. If just giving people sound advice worked there would be no fat people, no addicts, no people in toxic relationships, etc... . It just isn't that simple.

You're right.

1

I feel completely free to spew advice in all directions, because I Know people only hear what they want to hear....always

Yep.

1

No. It is the person refusing the help that is wasting an opportunity there.

Yes.

1

Yes.

1

If you just tell them they are doing it incorrectly they will never listen. Argue with them until their ears are bloody then watch them F -up. Then say I told you so after the umpteenth mistake, they may consider you could have been correct from the get go.

Yep.

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