My go to response is, "I'm on good terms with God as I know him, I just wish most of the hypocrites in the Republican party were."

That quickly establishes that they are not going to get anywhere with you, and they have done their "Christian duty" of "bearing witness." It also lets them know to back off before it gets really nasty.

So first of all, the woman was being very rude. Religious people seem to feel justified in rudeness when it pertains to "your eternal salvation." I find that frankly but respectfully stating the truth is one of the most effective ways to shut things like this down:

"I find this line of questioning offensive."
"Your questions are making me feel uncomfortable."
"I'm not willing to discuss my private beliefs with you."

Because you are still feeling upset, it might be beneficial to take some steps now to stop something like that happening again. I would suggest considering contacting your friend and explaining that her friend made you feel uncomfortable and asking her to refrain from bringing her when you get together in the future. If handled correctly, this sort of thing can be really good for relationships.

So sorry to hear that it got you down. I tell people I have hard time believing in a 'god' that you thing has given you a blessed life, but that leaves nearly a billion children starving every day, a god that allows women and children to be brutalized, but one that immoral people to rise to power.

I'm serious. I need advice! This involves my kids. Who accepts me warts and all.

I just tell them they are going to hell for preaching in public and if they don't believe me read Matthew 6:5-9....

Look. Really. Why do you care? I work in a job where I have to deal with the public all the time. I get your flaming proselytizing Bible thumping God damn Jesus worshippers all the time. They're morons. Why do you care?

Explain your position! You might convert her!

I usually say 1 of 2 things.

1. On my worst today I’m more Christian then you.

2. If it comes down to the end of time and I’ve been the best person I know how to be and I have to stand before the “pearly gates” (make sure you use air quotes) and I get sent to hell because I didn’t give my life to Jesus
   Well fuck your god
   I’d rather dance with the devil

You should not let your emotions drive when crap like that happens. At times a fake yes is all it takes to defuse the whole thing. - "Do you believe in god?...... Yes (See, it wasn't that difficult, was it?). Now, if you want to have fun while you're at it, you can answer rising both arms in extasis while saying yes just before you start dancing around that person screaming praise the lord.... Ha ha ha that should throw that person into deep confusion.

" No thanks! I don't want any!", or "Sorry, but I aint that kind of guy!".

You could have answered the first question with "Why do you ask" and say that you don't want to talk about it if it seems like it will be a negative experience.

Please Mind Your Own Business, fairly loudly & as firmly as possible. If in a public place accosted by strangers. Then if they persist, complain to waiter/management/shopkeeper that you are being harassed.
If a "friend" (??!!??!) brought them, say firmly, and repeatedly, "I do not wish to discuss this". Repeat as necessary, any other answer fuels their self-righteous bullcrap!
Later, have a talk with the "friend"!!!!!!!!!

I think you did very well anyway and should be proud of your self restraint, especially as your relationship with the third party is clearly one which matters deeply to both you and your children.

You can not make people climb out of the cesspit, you can only tell them where to find the ladder if they wish to listen, it is not your fault if they choose to stay.

I'm sorry you got put in that situation. But I really like your idea of the first amendment cards and I may have to steal that for myself.

As I have said before, confuse not the minds of the ignorant, they'll only hate you for it......I do love the line about hoping she will STFU.....Some people just just make you want to choke the living shit out of them......

Ask them if they believe in some other deity, just name a bunch besides the christian one, and if they say no then point out that they don't believe in god either, they just make one exception. Then ask them why they make that one exception, they will say something dumb. Every time.

Yes, there is a script. This is a power play, and it's a very dangerous power play because it implicitly defines "Good" and "Evil" - she's "good", and you're "evil". She's "right", you're "wrong". Never, never, NEVER allow anyone to implicitly define you as "Evil", put you on the defensive, and have power over you. You are the GOOD; you need to EXPLICITLY define them as EVIL.

Look her in the eye and say out loud " Have you left you VILE EVIL RELIGION yet? I believe in my heart that you are following EVIL, you are following a PERVERTED religion that has harmed millions, and if you have any shred of DECENCY you will renounce your EVIL religion RIGHT NOW and become a GOOD person that I know you are inside. Will you join the side of GOOD, or do you choose to remain EVIL?"

Yes. Say all of it. Define her as EVIL. Define her faith as EVIL.They are doing it to us. And they are serious.It is unacceptable. We must fight back and protect our own. You MUST position yourself as the righteous; never accept the defensive position. You are GOOD, she is EVIL. And you must say it in that way, out loud, with conviction. You are GOOD. She is the one following and supporting EVIL. Let her know that exactly, no apologies.

She will either shut up or leave, either of which is acceptable.

We love you ANYWAY? Passive aggressive rudeness and condescending.

This reminds me of why I would always rather deal with someone from the Northeast than from the South, because up there they are honest and gutsy enough to just say fuck you instead of this fake politeness shit that they pull in the South and here in the Midwest as well. Here in Iowa they call it Iowa Nice, but it's really mean-spirited fake politeness with a smile and I hate it.

You are a better person than I! I would have walked!

I'm sorry. I've got nothing. I'm tall and look menacing in those situations. The smart ones pick up on it and the slower ones figure it out eventually.

You could always become a universal life church minister. Apply online.

When someone like tweedledum and tweedledee bring up god, bring up your credentials and say you don't want to talk about it unless they want to listen to your beliefs.

Some notable ministers - Michael Newdow and Madalyn O'Hair.