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Loneliness vs. being alone

I've come to the understanding that loneliness comes from feeling a lack of connection, rather than actually being alone. There are times when I can be alone and I'm fine, and times when I can be with other people and feel isolated. What are your thoughts/feelings/experiences regarding loneliness/being alone?

bleurowz 8 Mar 8
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22 comments

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12

I spend a lot of time alone these days but I’m not lonely. Lonely was loving and being married to someone who didn’t love me, but saw me only as a means to meet his needs.

yeah there's nothing like the loneliness of a bad relationship.

5

I'm a rare extrovert. That said, I have been lonely while surrounded with people plenty of times. I hate it.

4

Though I am primarily a loner and prefer being alone, more often than not, there are many times I succumb to feeling lonely, but I'd much rather be happy being alone than unhappy being with someone.

SamL Level 7 Mar 8, 2018
4

I am a loner, an introvert and almost a recluse and I prefer to be alone most of the time. I have friends and family and can spend time with any of them anytime I want. Being alone causes me no issues.

3

I believe that if ou are comfortable with and love yourself, being alone does lead to loneliness. Being an introvert I get anxious being around others. Most times I’d much rather be at home with a good book or movie. I still like to connect with people, but one to one or in small groups. Recently read a great book: Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.

3

I am never lonely there is just to much going on in my head all thetime for me to ever feel that way.

2

I have a committee inside my head that keeps me company, especially when I'm alone. Companionship is a perk of being human. Too bad people mess up humanity. Sometimes fewer is better, sometimes it's cool to just get lost in a crowd.

2

On the Myers Briggs personality test I'm an INFJ. We like to be alone a lot and need to recharge after being around people. Social settings are stressful, though fun sometimes. We feel often most alone in a crowd. We do better in smaller groups and at gatherings where there is a topic or common interest as we don't like gossip or small talk. On the other hand I feel very connected to the world as a whole.

2

Too much are my work day is spent dealing with people, my employees, my colleagues, and clients. I have come to enjoy some alone time. Also, it is become important to choose carefully the people with whom I want to spend time. I never feel lonely, and I know I have some close friends and acquaintances who are always there for me.

2

Yeah, I am alone often and in many ways, loneliness is possible, in my future in particular.

2

I need a certain amount of solitude. It grounds me, lets me settle into myself. I'm not the least bit lonely during that time. I agree with you, I only feel lonely when I don't feel connected.

2

I don't know what advice to give you. I am often alone, but seldom lonely.

2

I think you are spot on. That's what I love about this site... Independent and good critical thinking

2

I agree, being with people does not mean you won't be lonely. I do not like crowds were much and when I have to attend events where there are crowds, even if I'm with someone I know, I can feel very isolated/alone.
On the other hand, I enjoy my "alone" time. I'm a strong introvert, having solitude is important to me. I have friends and go visit or call them or sometimes "chat" online when I need social contacts. Living alone, other than my animal cohabitants, I am able to pretty much direct my alone time.
Occasionally I feel lonely but it is usually short lived and at odd times when it is not feasible to talk/visit friends in person. That is when contacts online become important. Being a true "night owl" it is not unusual for me to be up after midnight. I joined the "Insomniacs" group on this board and both in and outside that group I notice there are often others on late at night. It is an unusual connection to other beings but it does bridge that gap when it is late and I suddenly think it would be nice to know someone else is out there.

I joined that group, too. Sometimes I most alert and motivated in the middle of the night.

2

I am alone but I am not lonely. I enjoy my free time and I go out with family and friends. I am comfortable with my life now. I was in a relationship at one time and I felt very lonely in it. You can be with someone and be lonely.

1

I've gotten to the point in life that I truly enjoy my own company and look forward to the times I can be alone. The company of my dog excepted.

1

I agree about loneliness and being alone, with one nuance, which may be a personal delusion. You decide.

Our brains are split down the center with the two halves connected by the corpus callosum. One side is primarily responsible for speech. My conscious thoughts are always organized as language, and I think many, perhaps all of us, are the same.

I began to wonder about the communication between the two, and simultaneously began to feel very good, somewhat like someone had given me a complement; though, no one was nearby. That feeling continues to this day, each time I think about the other half of my brain.

As long as you are aware of both sides and know they are both you, then I say, hey no problem.

1
1

I used to say a terribly incorrect German phrase which correctly stated is: Allein aber nicht einsam. This translates to: alone but not lonely. Which is how I often felt when young, while pondering my lonliness.

Wow, that sounds twisted.

I was, am, ok being alone. As with you, I am best at this when I know that I have support out there just a short... whatever... away. In Germany, I had to call home, or write home, my family was there. When married, my wife was in the other room, and I was fine all alone with a book, or doing wood working, whatever, with no one in close proximity, but someone not too far away, reachable.

I realized the opposite of this after my wife passed. I had friends and family visiting for weeks. I got to where I wanted to be alone so I could ponder how I felt. The last guest left. I closed the door behind them... and was immediately crushed because I KNEW (I can't stress this strongly enough) that the house was EMPTY... she wasn't there. I was alone, and immediately lonely. Allien und einsam.

Now, I am ok being alone but I miss having that someone... maybe not nearby, but reachable.

And I get your reverse scenario. I am, too often of late, in a room of coworkers, or friends and... I am also in a party/meeting of one. I try to make a point and everyone talks over me. I am not engaged in, or by, the conversation. I feel... invisible and alone despite being surrounded by people. I break out of it by doing something silly. I don't like interrupting (I am sometimes too polite) so, I raise my hand (we are teachers after all) and eventually someone notices (phew, I am not invisible after all) oh, wait, he's pointing at someone coming in the door... no, just kidding. I raise my hand, I am patient and I can redirect the conversation to the point I felt needs to be made. If it's a party, move to another set of folks, another conversation and pick up a point to wrangle... so, yeah, I feel that way but I have a few tools to pull out and beat my way out of it. 🙂

I personally think this last is a problem of my own making. It's not that I am being ignored, it's that I am not engaging (for whatever reason) in the group and thus I feel marginalized. If I force my way, gently, in, then I am no longer feeling marginalized. If, however, the conversations are universally NOT engaging for me (and not putting me all together off) I can sit back and do something I've always liked doing: watch. I am a people watcher (I used to go to the mall to study and I'd just watch people going by, it was relaxing and entertaining) so, I can take on that role and decide to just watch and see what I can learn about the people around me.

Jetzt, ich bin alein und einsam.

1

I think you are spot on. I have nothing to add.

1

More than you know...

1

I think you nailed it.

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