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Husband acts like a Caveman initiating sex. What would you tell her?

Too funny! Glad I'm single. I'd dump him so fast he'd get whiplash.

From Slate.com:

"Dear How to Do It,

"I am a 35-year-old woman in a hetero marriage and could use some help figuring out how to communicate with my husband about foreplay. Once we get to the sex itself, he’s an attentive lover, happy to go down on me and make sure I come.

"However, he usually initiates sex by asking if I want to suck his penis, or telling me I want to suck his penis and just taking it out and shaking it at me. He also focuses on my breasts and vagina to the exclusion of the rest of my body. Sometimes I feel like I’m just the sum of my parts!

"Also, he is my boss, so if he’s gotten mad at me for something work-related, it can feel like my personhood gets shuffled aside. I am attracted to him, but I don’t always want to feel like a bird eager to swallow a fat worm.

"He has no problem telling me I’ve hurt his feelings if I don’t immediately glom onto his penis. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated."

[slate.com]

By LiterateHiker8
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29 comments

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0

Some women prefer brutes. And they got what they asked for. Are we non-brutes supposed to feel 'sorry' for her?

davknight Level 7 May 21, 2019

@daveknight

She has made it clear that she does not "prefer brutes." Her husband's appalling behavior is a turnoff for her.

Your lack of sympathy is sad.

@LiterateHiker Why did she marry him in the first place???

@davknight

Both of my husbands hated their mothers. They both changed for the worse after we got married.

I never saw it coming.

@davknight How do you know he was like this before they were married? People do change after being married. People do fall out of love, and out of like. I think men especially have a harder time admitting they don't want to be with a woman anymore. Instead, they make it hard on them so the woman does the leaving. They can save face, and play the victim. In all fairness, women do this too.

@LiterateHiker So, I see that all of my replies are landing in the wrong spot this evening. Is anyone else having that problem?

@billhoo

Agnostic.com is having ongoing, technical problems. I solved most of them by clearing browser data.

  1. Click on the vertical three dots in the right top of your computer screen.

  2. Click on "More Tools."

  3. From there, choose "clear browser data."

Today when I edit a comment, the photos I added with the comment are deleted by Agnostic.com.

10

Tell him, not the Internet.

7

I once told my then husband after another night of unfufilling sex (mind you, I have told him numerous time what I liked/didn't like), "Just put the money on the table". I then walked out of the room.

He got the point after that.

kiramea Level 7 May 21, 2019
5

"Hey honey. You suck at arousing my libido, so I'm going to give you some advice. I don't just turn on like a light switch, and "here suck my penis" just doesn't do it for me. Now I want a great sex life, and I know you want one to, so I'm going to ask you to specifically follow these items, without any deviation.

  1. Do something nice for me, like clean the house. I'll jump your bones so fast you won't know what hit you.
  2. Spontaneously tell me you love me, and that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.
  3. Brag about me to your friends. Tell them you're a lucky husband. Do this often and in my presence.
  4. Add some romance to your foreplay. Candle light, some wine or champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, and a massage to my face, neck, and back. I'll reciprocate. I guarantee, we'll want to explore each other beyond this.
  5. Don't be offended if I don't turn on immediately, or at all. It's not you. It's other things in life that effect me. So be patient and kind.

Lastly, for the health of our marriage and our sex life, I'm quitting and finding another job. I just feel working for you is interfering too much in our relationship."

Personally, he sounds as if he dehumanizes her to just a sexual thing to be used at his will. My real advice would be to dump him, but that wasn't the question.

linxminx Level 7 May 21, 2019
5

Next time he shoves his dick in your face, bite it off.
Problem solved.
Easy-peasy.

KKGator Level 9 May 21, 2019

@KKGator

That's my girl! Great reply.

Hilarious!

@LiterateHiker Well, it just didn't seem like talking to him was going to have any kind of real effect.
You know me. Life is short, get to the point.
smile009.gif

@LiterateHiker don’t you think that she was too extreme? 😜

@Freedompath

@KKGator was clearly joking.

@LiterateHiker maybe...that girl is mostly deadly serious! 🤪

@LiterateHiker Was I? Was I, REALLY????

smile002.gif

@KKGator ...sometimes deadly serious!

You're alfull my dick would shrink thought of that.

That is barbaric. We live in a civilized society.

@St-Sinner No, it's not. Not remotely "barbaric". It's complete appropriate.

And since when have we EVER lived in a "civilized society"????
That's just another line of bullshit we feed ourselves.
It's not true.

Besides, it makes perfect sense that anytime any man shoves his dick in anyone's face, they have every right to bite that fucker clean off.
Maybe if that started happening more often, more men would think twice before acting like assholes and thinking getting sex is their due.

Don't even start with me with that "barbaric" shit.
You don't have a leg to stand on.

@KKGator

  1. We give you flowers
  2. We open doors
  3. We write poems about you, we write romantic letters
  4. We give you children
  5. We often pay bills
  6. We become providers
  7. We have run this world good for thousands of years
  8. We fought wars, fought enemies and have died for our families
  9. We protect you
  10. We are great fathers

Why do you want to bite off what makes the world go around. In many cultures around the world, they worship the dick and have festivals to celebrate it.

Why such lack of gratitude? Why not just say... I have a head ache. It sells every time.

@St-Sinner You are clearly joking.

4

Yuck. This guy sounds like a complete tool. In all fairness if you don’t communicate how can you resolve anything. I mean he “whips it out” like he’s fishing and she bites...well why would he not keep doing it? This is not to blame her for his actions but it’s like reinforcing a dog that you’re teaching a trick to, he’s getting rewarded so he will keep doing the same thing.

4

Communicate! And if she's sure he understands, but then ignores it and does what he wants anyway, b'bye!

4

That was so easy, a caveman could do it....

Paul4747 Level 8 May 21, 2019
4

That guy has a very shallow sex life. He's way too much into his dick and not enough into his mind and into his heart. He should know that the number one erogenous spot in our bodies is the brain. And when the brain and the moods are well turned on, the rest of the body can be in for a hell of a ride.
Like George Brassens said in his song, "Si elle n'a pas le coeur qui bat, le corps non plus ne bronche pas." If her heart is not beating, the body won't bulge either.

Great point!

4

He's her boss so the power balance is completely skewed. Submit or quit.

Fully agree.
His knowledge of sex and foreplay is primitive - and he’s not about to “listen” to better alternatives for her. “Being her boss” eliminates that possibility...

3

Yuck 😝

bobwjr Level 9 May 22, 2019

Has no romantic spirit repulsive

3

If your responses, so far, have been to meet his expectations, then he probably thinks you are on board with his behavior. Spouses are not mind readers. Tell him what turns you on... and off.

Deb57 Level 8 May 22, 2019
3

Sounds like he didn’t marry for love, but rather for sex. Advice - seek professional couples help, or submit to being unhappy. Because that kind of behavior isn’t going to change on it’s own.

billhoo Level 5 May 21, 2019
3

He obviously thinks that what HE likes to focus on - is also what SHE likes focused on. Exclusively.
Primitive. Very selfish. He has a lot to learn about a woman’s body... and her mind.

3

There was a Ms Bobbit who found a cure for this - perhaps a rather intense cure.
Maybe one day the lady should drop her knickers to the floor, lean over a table with the words 'get here and lick me now' and see how he reacts.

I've never known a woman who actually liked giving head. I never want it, because I know women don't like it. When it's been administered to me, I felt it was demeaning.

If my GF presented bits and ordered me to service her, I would get right on that.

@Fred_Snerd

With a high libido. I enjoy giving blow jobs. Thick semen makes me gag, so I spit it out on the man's stomach. None of the men care.

"You give the world's best blow job!" Greg said. "How do you do it?"

"I pay attention to your reactions- every twitch, moan and hardening- and imagine what would feel good to me," I replied. As a sensualist, I enjoy giving pleasure.

I keep a glass of water nearby. Make sure everything stays slippery and wet. Change it up: vary hand pressure and tongue motion. Increase intensity as he nears climax.

Recently devised a new move: suddenly removed my mouth, exposing his dick to cool air. He gasped. Count 10 seconds ... then the delicious warmth and wetness of my mouth.

Ka-CHING! He loved it. I know what thrills him. It takes 10-15 minutes.

@LiterateHiker you have a very descriptive style - could you put together an instructional video

@ShadowAmicus

Hell, no.Everything on the Internet lasts forever.

My daughter would die of shame and disgust.

@LiterateHiker shame - a mother should pass on such skill to a daughter - and all the women who are so inept at making love

@LiterateHiker lol which is why I am glad I don't have kids...I am sure my remaining kin will be amused when they find all of my pictures and videos...smile001.gif...

@Fred_Snerd oh---you are so wrong...ha ha ha

@ShadowAmicus

What you don't know about mothers and teenage daughters.

Claire wouldn't let me speak to her about her changing body, menstruation, birth control, date rape, etc. I knew Claire was an avid reader. So I put pamphlets on her bed from Family Planning.

"Claire, do you need any new bras?" I asked in front of her father. "MOM!" Claire, 14, gasped, appalled.

"What, does the word, 'bra' offend you?" I asked cheerfully. "How about 'nipples'?"

No wonder Claire moved 130 miles away.

@LiterateHiker I find it intensely sad that people shrivel in embarrassment when anything about sex is mentioned - but happily play interactive, multi player games based on killing others

@ShadowAmicus

As a former board member for Family Planning, I agree. I am comfortable talking about sex and bodily functions. Last year, I gave Claire an antiseptic/antimicrobial cleansing wash.

One of the benefits of dating a doctor.

"It prevents and heals infected, ingrown pubic hairs," I said. "I wash my privates with it once a week and after shaving."

"Thanks, Mom!" Claire, 29, said. "I can use it on Cocoa, too (her dog)."

Claire was not allowed to play video games.

This was a decision by her father and me before she was born. Terry is a school teacher. Thirty year ago, research showed video games hurt students' ability to learn and increase attention disorders.

Claire became an avid reader, a lifelong athlete and a good student.

Personally, I hate violent, apocalyptic and horror movies.

@thinktwice Perhaps it's about the sort of girls I attract. I've gone down numerous times on many girls. I've only received head from maybe 3 of them, and only after I asked for it. It wasn't worth it. I much prefer to give.

@Fred_Snerd and many women also like to give...the sentiment is the same...

@LiterateHiker That is so very funny. 😂

@billhoo

What is funny?

@LiterateHiker Sorry, “Funny” landed on the wrong post. Was replying about you talking about your daughters bra in front of Dad.

@billhoo

I thought it was funny, too.

"What, does the word 'bra' offend you? How about 'nipples'?" smile001.gif

I love getting a rise out of her.

@billhoo

Claire started college as a junior at age 18, after doing Running Start in high school. She graduated with a high school diploma and a two-year college Associate's degree.

A strong negotiator, Claire convinced college administrators to let her live in an on-campus apartment, instead of the dorms. "As an only child, I need quiet to study." bullshit.

In my living room, I lined up large shopping bags with items Claire needed for her first apartment, right down to toilet paper.

At Family Planning, I got 100 free condoms. Sprinkled condoms evenly in her bags, shaking them to the bottom. For once in my life, I shut up.

Claire took a more sheltered girlfriend to set up her new apartment. She called her father, appalled:

"Dad! Mom put CONDOMS in my bags!"

To his credit, Terry laughed. "You know your mother," he said mildly.

A week later when Claire would speak to me, she called.

"Claire, I'm not telling you to have sex with 100 boys," I said. " I want you to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. How long have I told you that you will not be a teen mother or pregnant teen?"

"Since birth," Claire said ruefully.

"I think it's hilarious!" Claire, 29, said recently. "I tell all my friends that story. They think it's hilarious, too."

@LiterateHiker that is a wonderful story of an enlightened mother helping her daughter into adulthood

@ShadowAmicus

Thanks! I love getting a rise out of Claire. Payback.

"One of my failings as a parents is that I laughed too much," I told Claire recently.

"No, you were great!" she replied. "You always said you love me and believe in me."

@LiterateHiker I wish I had a parent such as you - I was pleased to leave mine and rarely looked back

@LiterateHiker That is precious. I feel you’ve likely been the best of Mothers. It’s obvious why Claire feels that way too.

@billhoo

Thank you. Nobody is perfect.

As a parent, I tend to be calm in a crisis and see the long view. Unlike Claire's emotional father.

"This is temporary," I thought when Claire put us through hell in her teens and early 20s.

Claire evolved into a strong, loving and caring young women.

3

I don't have a problem with his being honest about what he wants...but then she also has to be honest and say that it does nothing for her...communicate and listen to both sides

Are you saying you never have told a sex partner that you want him to "suck your tits" or "eat your pussy"?

How is that different?

3

Just crazy! No suggestions for this poor woman.

GreatNani Level 8 May 21, 2019
3

Smear your hand with Vicks VapoRub, then caress his glans with your hand instead of your mouth. It takes about 3 minutes to become an unbearable passion killer. (You could also use any deep heat muscle tonic.)
P.S. If Vicks is diluted about 6 to 1 with vaseline, then it can add a pleasant tingle during sex when lightly smeared on the clitoris.

Petter Level 8 May 21, 2019

@Petter

No "warming" gel for me. Sets me on fire! I run to wash it off.

@LiterateHiker You've tried it then? Oh Baby, let me light your fire! 😂😄🤣

3

I was a cave man once, my ex , I think liked it, it was when the moon was full she bring out the chain and shakels (hand cuffs to some) that I purchase to control my animal behavior. Give the shakels a try .

3

Must be religious.

3

I can honestly see norm my soulmate doing this I used to tease him all the time because he was born in 1957 and I was born in 66 he was 9 years older so whenever he mentioned school I would look at him and say you wrote with chisel and stone right and I honestly had both girls believing as they grew up that he created the dinosaurs that's how old he was and he would probably have me laughing my ass off doing this I would be in tears laughing so hard

3

...I will have to pass on giving advice here, this is one such experience that I have no experience in, by choice!

3

Tell him straight up that the Neanderthal approach is way out of date

3

" if I don’t immediately glom onto his penis." This made me laugh. smile002.gif

I think they need counseling, intimacy counseling.

NoPlanetB Level 8 May 20, 2019

@NoPlanetB

No kidding. Why she doesn't speak up is beyond me.

@LiterateHiker ‘Tongue tied,’ maybe?

@LiterateHiker I think there are people out there that hate confrontation and avoid it. Add on to that the fact girls tend to be socialized to be passive and nice and to be gentle with males' egos and we have the perfect storm.

2

Love all your answers,,so much insight and good advice

RoyMillar Level 8 May 21, 2019
2

I'd have walked out the first time he did that. Communication and counseling could be tried but I sincerely doubt that someone who treats his wife like that would be willing to change. I don't have time for disrespect.

Paracosm Level 8 May 21, 2019
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