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Why do so many men think sarcastic humor is positive?

On their dating profiles, many men say they have sarcastic humor. I noticed this in the Plenty of Fish forums, particularly with young guys who complained they got no replies.

Sarcasm is defined as: 1. Harsh or bitter derision or irony; 2. A sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remarks; 3. Bitterness, ridicule and jeer. (dictionary.com)

“Sarcasm is really just hostility disguised as humor,” said Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D.

“If you want to be happier and improve your relationships, cut out sarcasm," Lazarus said. "Despite smiling outwardly, most people who receive sarcastic comments feel put down and usually think the sarcastic person is a jerk.”

"Perhaps young men aspire to be like “the meathead clowns floating through the films of today,” said Linda Holmes in “Bad News, Men: You’re Not Very Charming” in The Atlantic.

Why do young men think sarcastic humor is positive? This baffles me. What are your thoughts?

*Source: “Think Sarcasm is Funny? Think Again.” by Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D., Think Well, June 26, 2012.

LiterateHiker 9 June 12
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39 comments

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1

Seems like a rather misandristic post. No doubt not all men do this, and not all women do not do this.

bingst Level 8 June 12, 2019

@bingst

I don't hate men. For years, I noticed this on men's dating profiles.

My alcoholic, brilliant father used sarcasm to put me down. I had years of therapy to heal from his cruel "not good enough" messages.

@LiterateHiker I got that same crap from my alcoholic father. You're lucky to have gotten therapy. I never have.

@bingst It's never too late to try it. <hug>

@BlueWave It isn't because I don't want to.

4

You are spot-on. And younger or older, it is nearly always a sign of a low level of emotional maturity and lesser intellect. Not always, but often enough that the exceptions are few and noteworthy. Move on, whether as a date or a friend. Better to be by oneself.

Groucho, Pryor, Letterman, Carlin were so immature. There are plenty more, but those popped into my head first.

@Sticks48 Two things: 1) I said not always and 2) Do you think they were like that with people they cared about or wanted to get to care about them? Me thinks not.......

@Mitch07102 Sarcastic folks tend to be attracted to other sarcastic folks, whether in a friendship or a relationship, so yes they are. You thinks wrong. 🙂

@Sticks48 Fair point.

1

I agree with everything in your post.

I abhor sarcasm with ONE exception -- when one is OBVIOUSLY, gleefully, and lovingly playing with another.

Besides that, to me, it is a destroyer of good will, good feelings, and trust.

Agreed

4

Clifford Lazarus Said what I was gonna say... These guys say what they really think about you but couch it in humor so they can say,. "I was only kidding."

That is sometimes true.

2

I think it's something they pick up from their fathers, and older male relatives.Also, not all men are sarcastic. That sounds like a stereotype.

I read "many men" not "all men." What did you read?

4

I see this on some women's profiles, so it's not strictly men. Maybe mostly though. I don't remember the source bit I did recently read that couples that tease each other tend to be happier. However, teasing doesn't necessarily mean mean and sarcasm often is mean.

Yeah, I’m sarcastic but not about a person’s qualities or looks. Or really even about the person at all. More about the news, work, etc

1

Depends on the sarcasm.

Never about personal appearance or intelligence or the things that you know will cut someone down. (There are exceptions see example)

My entire family is wonderfully sarcastic. It is a holdover from our European heritage (we think).
You have to really know each other well and each other's knowledge base to really send out a great line.

Example -
My sister tells the story of how she fell down some stairs on her rear end while pregnant with my last nephew.

His brother pipes up "Well that explains it!" ( he and his sister are very tall his youngest brother isn't).

A few beats later the youngest brother says "He's not wrong." .

The entire table of family just loses it.

A lot of the replies throughout this thread lead me to conclude that many people have different ideas of what sarcasm is or isn't -- the definition.

I see your example, Raven, as a friendly, funny, family joke.

2

Too much sarcasm can be a turn-off.

I have to admit I do laugh at it quite often. I can be guilty of it at times, but I have boundaries.

I apreciate Boundaries and good sense

3

And why is it assumed that sarcasm only occurs in young men ?

I see it as an equal opportunity trait.

1

I love sarcasm. It comes to me so naturally. There are women on this site who use sarcasm ( Ursi, Mary, Gator, Pralina ), I am sorry if I missed someone, and I find them funny and insightful. A lot of people thought Bob Hope was funny. I was not one of those people. To each his or her own. 🙂

2

I hate "meathead" humor. Despise it.

3

i think sarcasm can be a sign of insecurity and is best used between people who know each other well enough to get it. having said that, not getting it doesn't mean someone doesn't have a sense of humor.

2

It's how we bond , it's not really meant for flirting . Lots of men don't realise that its meant as a comraderie thing . As this is the only form of positive nteractions they have had they think it can also be used on women not realising women are a completely different species and need a different form of communication ......generalising of course but those women who say they get it alswas seem to fall short

Simon1 Level 7 June 12, 2019
0

It's because a third of the women's profiles say they are also sarcastic or say they like sarcasm. In fact, I would argue that most men who say that aren't actually sarcastic but say they are because they see it so many times elsewhere, and if they actually are sarcastic then they probably know they can't say anything sarcastic on the internet because it doesn't work without voice inflection.

GregM Level 5 June 12, 2019
3

My alcoholic, brilliant and funny father constantly put me down with hurtful, sarcastic jabs. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him.

Had years of therapy to heal from feeling inferior and being a people-pleaser. Learned to have healthy boundaries with people.

As a result, I deliberately raised my daughter differently.

3

Sarcasm can be funny, or it can be hurtful....so one must take care when applying it. My ex was raised on hurtful sarcasm, so he uses it out of habit. Unfortunately, he does not seem to able to realize when he should stop.

4

Life without sarcasm is not worth living.

1

I’ve read a number of female profiles who admit to same. I figure they’re just being up front with it, hoping to meet a male of similar persuasion (and therefore - mutual appreciation)...

2

Sarcasm is basically ridicule.That it's so-the-thing-to-be these days should explain some of the polarization problem we have...

1

I think sarcasm is thinly disguised meanness. I've never enjoyed being around people that can only communicate in put-downs.

Orbit Level 7 June 13, 2019
1

Interesting, I'm writing a short report on this, so I'll let you know what I find out next week. And in advance, thank you for the extra source material.

1

By the way, empirical observation supports that sociologically sarcasm and irony are key parts of British cultural humour dating back well over a thousand years.

2

Since I don’t usually cruise men’s profiles I don’t know how the numbers compare, but I see the same thing occasionally in women’s profiles and wonder why they think that’s attractive.

skado Level 9 June 12, 2019
3

I think the don't understand English. They probably intended to imply they had a satirical sense of humour.

Petter Level 9 June 12, 2019
5

Sarcasm is not clever and is always aimed as a put down. I have always regarded it as the poorest form of wit, and those who employ it to be rather insecure.

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