On their dating profiles, many men say they have sarcastic humor. I noticed this in the Plenty of Fish forums, particularly with young guys who complained they got no replies.
Sarcasm is defined as: 1. Harsh or bitter derision or irony; 2. A sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remarks; 3. Bitterness, ridicule and jeer. (dictionary.com)
“Sarcasm is really just hostility disguised as humor,” said Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D.
“If you want to be happier and improve your relationships, cut out sarcasm," Lazarus said. "Despite smiling outwardly, most people who receive sarcastic comments feel put down and usually think the sarcastic person is a jerk.”
"Perhaps young men aspire to be like “the meathead clowns floating through the films of today,” said Linda Holmes in “Bad News, Men: You’re Not Very Charming” in The Atlantic.
Why do young men think sarcastic humor is positive? This baffles me. What are your thoughts?
*Source: “Think Sarcasm is Funny? Think Again.” by Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D., Think Well, June 26, 2012.
Seems like a rather misandristic post. No doubt not all men do this, and not all women do not do this.
I don't hate men. For years, I noticed this on men's dating profiles.
My alcoholic, brilliant father used sarcasm to put me down. I had years of therapy to heal from his cruel "not good enough" messages.
@LiterateHiker I got that same crap from my alcoholic father. You're lucky to have gotten therapy. I never have.
You are spot-on. And younger or older, it is nearly always a sign of a low level of emotional maturity and lesser intellect. Not always, but often enough that the exceptions are few and noteworthy. Move on, whether as a date or a friend. Better to be by oneself.
Groucho, Pryor, Letterman, Carlin were so immature. There are plenty more, but those popped into my head first.
@Sticks48 Two things: 1) I said not always and 2) Do you think they were like that with people they cared about or wanted to get to care about them? Me thinks not.......
@Mitch07102 Sarcastic folks tend to be attracted to other sarcastic folks, whether in a friendship or a relationship, so yes they are. You thinks wrong.
@Sticks48 Fair point.
Clifford Lazarus Said what I was gonna say... These guys say what they really think about you but couch it in humor so they can say,. "I was only kidding."
That is sometimes true.
I see this on some women's profiles, so it's not strictly men. Maybe mostly though. I don't remember the source bit I did recently read that couples that tease each other tend to be happier. However, teasing doesn't necessarily mean mean and sarcasm often is mean.
Yeah, I’m sarcastic but not about a person’s qualities or looks. Or really even about the person at all. More about the news, work, etc
Too much sarcasm can be a turn-off.
I have to admit I do laugh at it quite often. I can be guilty of it at times, but I have boundaries.
I apreciate Boundaries and good sense
Depends on the sarcasm.
Never about personal appearance or intelligence or the things that you know will cut someone down. (There are exceptions see example)
My entire family is wonderfully sarcastic. It is a holdover from our European heritage (we think).
You have to really know each other well and each other's knowledge base to really send out a great line.
Example -
My sister tells the story of how she fell down some stairs on her rear end while pregnant with my last nephew.
His brother pipes up "Well that explains it!" ( he and his sister are very tall his youngest brother isn't).
A few beats later the youngest brother says "He's not wrong." .
The entire table of family just loses it.
A lot of the replies throughout this thread lead me to conclude that many people have different ideas of what sarcasm is or isn't -- the definition.
I see your example, Raven, as a friendly, funny, family joke.
Sarcasm is not clever and is always aimed as a put down. I have always regarded it as the poorest form of wit, and those who employ it to be rather insecure.
"I am only kidding"....all we have to do is look at tRump to see that it is mean, offensive, and shows true nature...humor that hurts is not humor...
I use sarcasm to insult or state the obvious or opposite...usually at a comment and not at a person...
I notice this a lot with women too, or used to. Haven’t spent much time around most dating sites to see if they’ve kept it up but a lot of women list “fluent in sarcasm” or sarcasm is a second language. I don’t mind a lady that’s quick with sarcasm if it’s warranted, and if she’s funny/good natured about it, but generally these are probably red flags from either gender.
In short I think it’s the easiest/quickest way to fake a sense of humor, and a sense of humor is otherwise one of the harder things to fake, to demonstrate worth to a partner. As long as she’s not sarcastic about every single thing I do, it’s mostly directed at idiocy outside the relationship etc, I can appreciate some tough love/high standards if I ask or do something stupid. Most people use it as a defense mechanism though. Someone with an assortment of truly positive things to offer won’t rely on it as much.
I never thought of sarcasm as being necessarily harsh or bitter. To me it means saying the opposite of what you mean and it can be quite hilarious if done well.
Too many people (I'll say it seems to lean male) define their worlds by competition.
And a couple of related observations:
I'm afraid we live in a society mostly made up of immature (to the point of being stunted) adolescents. It's going to be a long slog working out of our situation (that is assuming we ever do).
Update: It just occurred to me that almost everyone (including me) is interpreting 'sarcasm' as denigrating others. No one even considered self-depreciating humour. We're in bad shape.
I would have thought the other way around. All the sarcastic people I know are women. My sister being the most sarcastic person I know, and she absolutely loves it! I think this is a logical falacy, like "It's snowing outside, so global warming isn't real".
As a straight man I am not seeing men's dating profiles. When I say I like sarcastic humor I have in my mind something along the lines of a Steven Colbert (or Bill Maher, or John Oliver) monologue where they verbally dismember Donald Trump. Its thoroughly enjoyable and appropriate.
Depends on how well the humor is wielded. Carlin used sarcasm like a master swordsman while Trump's attempts to use it land like a cow dropping a turd. Sarcasm is a perfectly legitimate form of communication when handled effectively. In the wrong hands, it can come off as insecure and juvenile.
Case in point, I got through this whole reply without a trace of sarcasm because these aren't the appropriate circumstances for it even though I use it frequently.
So, no, it's not inherently bad as Clifford N. Lazarus PhD might have you think.
I love sarcasm. It comes to me so naturally. There are women on this site who use sarcasm ( Ursi, Mary, Gator, Pralina ), I am sorry if I missed someone, and I find them funny and insightful. A lot of people thought Bob Hope was funny. I was not one of those people. To each his or her own.