"I am only kidding"....all we have to do is look at tRump to see that it is mean, offensive, and shows true nature...humor that hurts is not humor...

I use sarcasm to insult or state the obvious or opposite...usually at a comment and not at a person...

Both my wife and I are very sarcastic, but we don't aim it at each other - we use it to make fun of others. Its a bonding thing between us.

But it is negative humor, and we don't ever think it's anything but.

For me I would say it has to do with the conversation I'm involved in.

I notice this a lot with women too, or used to. Haven’t spent much time around most dating sites to see if they’ve kept it up but a lot of women list “fluent in sarcasm” or sarcasm is a second language. I don’t mind a lady that’s quick with sarcasm if it’s warranted, and if she’s funny/good natured about it, but generally these are probably red flags from either gender.

In short I think it’s the easiest/quickest way to fake a sense of humor, and a sense of humor is otherwise one of the harder things to fake, to demonstrate worth to a partner. As long as she’s not sarcastic about every single thing I do, it’s mostly directed at idiocy outside the relationship etc, I can appreciate some tough love/high standards if I ask or do something stupid. Most people use it as a defense mechanism though. Someone with an assortment of truly positive things to offer won’t rely on it as much.

real sarcasm IS funny. some people, not only men, think flinging any old insult is successful sarcasm. they associate being mean with being clever. they're mistaken.

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I never thought of sarcasm as being necessarily harsh or bitter. To me it means saying the opposite of what you mean and it can be quite hilarious if done well.

"I am fluent in sarcasm" is on many, many woman's dating profiles. Only after sampling both should one assume or assert that this is a male trait. It certainly is not.

Too many people (I'll say it seems to lean male) define their worlds by competition.

And a couple of related observations:

1. A lot of people have twisted definitions of competition. For them it's not enough to win, the other side must lose.
2. I think a lot of the behaviour is driven by insecurity. A lot of people so lack confidence that the only way they can build themselves up is by bringing others down.

I'm afraid we live in a society mostly made up of immature (to the point of being stunted) adolescents. It's going to be a long slog working out of our situation (that is assuming we ever do).

Update: It just occurred to me that almost everyone (including me) is interpreting 'sarcasm' as denigrating others. No one even considered self-depreciating humour. We're in bad shape.

I think it's because they see it as a sign of intelligence. And while it may take a certain level of intelligence to "get" it, it's really just exhausting if that's all you can do.

I would have thought the other way around. All the sarcastic people I know are women. My sister being the most sarcastic person I know, and she absolutely loves it! I think this is a logical falacy, like "It's snowing outside, so global warming isn't real".

As a straight man I am not seeing men's dating profiles. When I say I like sarcastic humor I have in my mind something along the lines of a Steven Colbert (or Bill Maher, or John Oliver) monologue where they verbally dismember Donald Trump. Its thoroughly enjoyable and appropriate.

Depends on how well the humor is wielded. Carlin used sarcasm like a master swordsman while Trump's attempts to use it land like a cow dropping a turd. Sarcasm is a perfectly legitimate form of communication when handled effectively. In the wrong hands, it can come off as insecure and juvenile.

Case in point, I got through this whole reply without a trace of sarcasm because these aren't the appropriate circumstances for it even though I use it frequently.

So, no, it's not inherently bad as Clifford N. Lazarus PhD might have you think.

WOW..loved all the points on here about the sarcasm,,It has given me a whole new prospective on it and what i should not be doing ,Thank you

I would only use sarcasm if being personally attacked or in reply to some particularly stupid comment. I think mild sarcasm or irony is ok though if used judiciously.