empathy - in its nature of enabling me to feel with the other - would surely prevent me from being kind to some bloodsucker who'd only take advantage of my kindness. doing good without the primary intent to ease someone else's hardship (instead for reasons of selfishness, reputation, co-dependance, etc.) i wouldn't call kindness. in our society egoism seems to rule, but genuine kindness can never be too much.

Google Craig House... Question Answered

Not that I know about - from my psychology days some troule d children and adults have difficulty taking in positive strokes and need to have a bit of negative in teh mix - as in "thats really good for a person in your position!" Hard to judge though unles you have been working with them for quite a while.

Not that I can remember. I think when tentatively offering a kindness its sort of important to remember it may not be what the recipient wants & putting someone in the position of having to accept a kindness they are not ready for, or willing to take on board is a bit counter to good intentions. I think gently offering and seeing what happens next might be useful. (I have known people to take me over completely and that is a hard one to deal with)

Giving people a break sometimes breaks them.

I am a bigger fan of tough love or as I like to say I refuse to coddle anyone.

Kindness doesn't happen in a vacuum. It's not just a single emotion. It should have some company. Emotional Intelligence, compassion, wisdom, caution, foresight, discretion... It is necessary that all those are in play as often as they can be. This allows us to know how and where to continue forward, or to walk away.

Your actions should help people, and being kind doesn't always help a person.

There's a minimal level of kindness that you must give yourself in order to thrive and continue your own life and pace. If the kindness you are giving begins to limit or tap into that minimal self-kindness, you are being too kind.

Isn't that where or when you kill someone with too much kindness?

When the kindness is generated by a sense of guilt or duty, and regretted afterwards - then, yes.

No. There is such a thing as investing poorly, though.

Yes, the overly sincere drive me crazy!

Never except when trumpie requires acknowledgement

Yes

Not if the kindness is genuine. You can tell if someone is truly motivated to be kind.

Depends on how you define kindness and empathy. If someone is being kind to you it doesn't mean you'll never hear a discouraging word and have total agreement. If someone empathizes with you it doesn't mean they don't hold you responsible for what is legitimately your personal responsibility.

I learned this lesson from, of all people, a divorce lawyer. I was going through my divorce from my first wife, who was profoundly mentally ill, and was agonizing over whether I was being fair and compassionate enough. I don't recall the exact issue at hand, but I sought a second opinion from another lawyer. He listened patiently to me and then said something that turned on multipe light bulbs for me.

"Look", he said, "you know elderly people who are sweet and wise and approachable and you know elderly people who are cranky and crochety and would as soon bop you over the head with their cane as look at you. Who wouldn't want an excuse to be an asshole -- but I know which kind of elderly person I would want to be."

"Similarly", he continued, "you need to separate your wife's illness from her character. Sure, she's mentally ill. Sure, her thinking is disordered. But that doesn't mean she has to be an asshole. In this particular matter, she's being selfish and unreasonable. And she'd be that way even if she weren't mentally ill. You need to defend your legitimate interests and quit hand-wringing about how she might react to that. Even if she's mentally ill, some things are just too bad and she'll have to suck it up like everyone else. Stop infantalizing and enabling her. You're being plenty kind considering the circumstances."

It was one of those "duh" moments for me. I am forever grateful to this guy for his wisdom and his not taking advantage of me in a vulnerable moment by setting me down the wrong path.

Ever since then I've tried to apply this lesson, in raising my children, relating to my partners, my collegues ... having compassion and empathy is not being a wuss. It is simply being able to understand how others experience things but that doesn't mean you take on their emotional state and become porous over it. It just allows you to step outside yourself and make better judgments, it doesn't absolve the person your empathizing with of one iota of their personal responsibility.

Peoples defenses go up if you are too nice. When I was younger the girls I would date would say your a nice guy. Never had a repeat date, until I learned to add a tad of meanness into my demeanor. Think that this is most likely ingrained at a young age a stern warning from a parent. On a subliminal level people equate comfort with discipline.

Being kind does not mean being a doormat or just trying to get rid of guilt or discomfort

People can be overwhelmed by the showing of too much caring and compassion, and end up feeling smothered by your best intentions

if the whole world applied "too much" kindness, we would just have a better world

To be a true adult, we must love ourselves. That should be the basis of our kindness to others. Without the basic self-love, are we truly sincere about our "gifts" to others? I've witnessed negative consequences when the giver has not loved themselves first.

Yes. Me, 2 weeks ago.

Too much selflessness is a bad thing. There are just too many things that you can do that would spread you too thin, and many people aren't considerate of that if they need something.

Sam harris points out that this is why proscriptive laws are bad. I can make a law that prohibits you from littering. But if I make you pick up trash every time you're around it, you'd be doing literally nothing else

Kindness is not the cause of bad things to happen. It's other people taking advantage of that kindness.