I love your answers.

All the time. People say the stupidest things without thinking or trying to please.I usually go with whatever comes to mind.I'm pretty quick on my feet. (Mentally)

My dad used to reply to questions like this by asking "why? are you writing a book?" And if the answer was yes he'd say "then leave that chapter out." I have found that asking why they want to know usually makes someone think about what they have asked.

And one advantage to having some hearing issues is simply to ask for the question to be repeated. The questioner has the opportunity to withdraw and everyone saves face.

I opt for being blunt...I have a friend who calls me BFT (blunt force trauma) on a regular basis. But on occasion, I will comeback with something witty and humorous. #nottakinganyonesshit #tothepoint #crymeariver

That's my go-to joke for when people mention my weight. It's metaphorical, yet some how still very true.

What are you doing this weekend? Mainly minding my own business.

I often tell my co workers to wait right there while I go find someone that gives a f*"k what they think.
A tad aggressive but it shuts people up

Once a teacher said to parent: "Are you looking for Mrs. S, the teacher with an accent? " I jumped back with "" I speak four languages; that's why I have an accent and you don't."
BE, I only speak 2 languages and 1/4 of a third.

If someone ask are you going to church, say no I am already saved. I have a ton of them just so happens my night was terrible and barely slept brain us not functioning to capacity.

I have been heard to tell someone, "If I wanted any [insert your favorite word for fecal matter] from you, I'd kick your ass and scrape it off my shoe."

Typically this is in a comedic setting, so don't go worrying about me being all agressive and stuff.

It sounds like your fluent in sarcasm.

I have said, "You know my grandfather lived to be in his nintie
s, do you know what his secret was? He learned to mind his own business."