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LINK Josh and Shannon Harris separation: The author of abstinence book I Kissed Dating Goodbye is ending his marriage.

After writing a hugely successful book about abstaining from sex before marriage at the age of 21 he now finds himself separating from his wife and rethinking his beliefs at age 40.

DGJ0114 7 July 20
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10

I’m glad he’s coming clean but he should have apologized to the generation of young evangelicals he helped leave in sexual ruins. Read “Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement that Shamed a Genderatio if Women and How I Broke Free.” The author addresses the audacity of Harris’ work. [amazon.com]

UUNJ Level 8 July 20, 2019

I was reared in a very conservative, Catholic household, attended parochial school through sixth grade, attended church every Sunday, was an altar server through the end of high school, and attended a strict, all-male, Catholic college. During my sophomore or junior year, we had a presentation by a priest named Fr. Dick Sparks (not kidding) about romantic relationships and marriage. He was the first person in my experience with religion to say anything except "sex is bad except within marriage." He wasn't advocating casual sex, but he wasn't being so restrictive as everyone else in my life was. He said that the physical intimacy between a couple should grow as the emotional intimacy grows, so, "if you haven't seen each other naked by the time you get married, you should have come very close." Even then, still devoutly Catholic, I thought that made a lot of sense, that entirely holding back until the wedding night would only increase anxiety and create serious problems.

@resserts What a great opportunity younhad to hear that message!

9

abstinence from marriage is the key.

9

Honestly this is very encouraging to me. I like the way this man is handling things. It sounds like he's not trying to hide his disillusionment for the sake of his mistakes being very public. He made the very natural mistake of thinking he knew it all as a youth and others made the natural mistake of lapping up advice because it reflected what they wanted to hear rather than wisdom won by experience. The best thing that could happen now is this guy humbly acknowledging his mistakes. I wish the best for him. Hopefully he'll learn to use that charisma for better things.

9

At 21 you are still so young, and IMHO too young to get married. You hardly know who you are, and you want to make that kind of commitment. I think they rushed so they could have sanctioned sex.

When I was teaching high school, I had a divorce lawyer come and speak to my class. He stated no one should get married before 30 years old.

I had no clue. at 22, She was the "only one who would have me" yeah, that went well. In 11 years we never had an argument. WTF, think we didn't know ourselve let alone the other person.

7

Welcome to the real world. Most of us have to rethink our beliefs, at some point.

6

Abstaining from sex before marriage is like buying a car without test driving it.

5

Now that he's had a taste of it for 19 years, methinks he just doesn't want to marry to get another fix. 😉

5

I'm kinda in the same situation as that guy was... too young to know Jack s hit, but I'll try to be less willing to open my mouth about it than he was. All i can say is, I'm less stupid then I was at 20, also 18 years seems to be a pretty good run, and there was no horrible scandal involved (that we know of) and that's a good thjng.

5

How could any 21 year old write a book giving advice on how to build a lasting lifelong relationship....leaving aside any issue of being celibate or not, when they had barely reached adulthood. To have been taken seriously by so many, speaks more to good promotion by the Christian evangelical movement than to any actual practical knowledge of the subject and expertise. Am I surprised at the news that this couple have parted ...no! It would be really nice if he would now be humble enough to call a press conference to say that it was all bullshit, care to take a bet on that happening?

@Byrdsfan What do you think the subject matter will be?

I knew everything at 21...much less later.

@Larry-new That was merely a delusion!

5

Sounds like someone finally woke up and smelled reality.

SKH78 Level 8 July 20, 2019
4

So when I was teaching high school, "abstinence" meant everything was permissible BUT vaginal intercourse. I would explain that sex is any activity that includes the sexual parts of the body, including heavy petting, anything oral or anal, and that even masturbation is having sex, you're just having sex with yourself. Teenagers vocally and fervently denied that this was true...delusional already!

I always felt that this allegiance to abstinence with its primary focus on keeping the female hymen intact, just further objectified and demeaned females. From what I heard, the males really gained a lot of pleasure from this belief system, but not so much the girls. Again from what I gained from the grape vine, sexual activity revolved primarily around girls giving the boys hand jobs and blow jobs, and oh the sex games I heard about! I could have done without that gossip.

Sex is but one part of a relationship and being sexually compatible does not mean a relationship will succeed. My most satisfying sexual partner did not result in a long-term relationship as there was also a drug and alcohol issue. So, it doesn't surprise me that his marriage is over. He and his wife had a 50/50 chance just like we all do.

your experience is rather similar to mine only I worked with folks in the sex industry, those struggling with HIV diagnosis, and adults also. I haven't done much reading on the subject recently, but back in the day they kept finding that the number one cofactor for HIV, STD's, adult sex work, teen sex work, and teen pregnancy... childhood sexual abuse...in countries other than the US, current research indicates childhood sexual abuse is the leading cofactor for schizophrenia, psychosis , drug addiction, and a myriad of other mental and physical disorders, 98% of those diagnosed with schizophrenia are found to have experienced childhood sexual truama, so my educated guess would be childhood sexual abuse is still the leading indicator/cofactor in HIV/STD infections, etc.

4

I foresee him getting reunited with dating in the near future.

4

I view the goings on of Fundy Christians, even the celeb ones, with sort of a detached take like an anthropologist of watching a primitive tribe. What a strange bunch they are. I really don't care enough to want to make sense of what they do in their private lives.....

3

Well there is a surprise.

2

I once read that only 30% of those who took abstinence pledges kept to them, and most of those who broke the vow did NOT use birth control.

But my favorite all-time statistic was that 2/3 who didn't have intercourse DID have oral sex.

ummm, as a one time sex educator, HIV/STD prevention educator, Childbirth educator, and doula... I hope y'all realize that oral sex is considerably safer than intercourse in terms of disease transmission and well, lol, 100% less likely to end in pregnancy than heterosexual intercourse. This "true-ism" is one of the harm reduction techniques offered up by "honest" non-"abstinence" based sex educators... which is one of the reasons fundamentalist Christians hate sex educators almost as much as abortionists...just saying...another technique I have taught... honest communication and negotiation. Another technique that "Christians" hate sex educators for...talking about and owning your sexuality and sexual behaviors - totally not in the plan...

@Alchemy Oh, mind you, I'm not critiquing the choice in terms of pregnancy prevention, just that it's a level of hypocrisy. "We're absolutely still virgins, I just gave him a blowjob." And God is supposed to be okay with that, I guess.

@Paul4747, yes, I agree, it is the opposite of honest communication, isn't it... a fabricated line in the sand...Intercourse equals sex, other types of sexual conduct don't...the exact kinda double speak I loathe

2

How does anyone at 21 know anything about adult life?

2

It might have been worse. He could have been in the "forever marriage" to wake up and discover that it was now all over.

2

Cute couple. If there is a god, they'll make up for their past mistakes and go on an enlightening, no-holds-barred pansexual bender.

2

those who can, do, those who can't teach you how to do?

1

If only he'd thought BEFORE he inflicted a book on unsuspecting youth

1

I guess their marriage got fucked up.

1

Ya think?

1

Yup no shit that doesn't work would have done his wife lol

bobwjr Level 9 July 20, 2019
1

Good....He not busy being born is busy dyin'....Dylan

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