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Can anyone else relate?

I got together with family to celebrate some birthdays. My parents are getting older and closer to the age when they may not be around much longer, so nowadays my mother likes to tell me to make sure I stay close to my sister and my nieces and nephews, which she never has to remind me to because I am. But she also tells me, "Your friends are not like your family. Family is always there, but friends come and go."

And I realize she doesn't understand what it's like to be single with no children like me because she never was, and that very often when you are, your close friends are like family -- and that even in families people can still disappear.

bleurowz 8 Mar 19
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11 comments

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0

Being single without kids, my Mom always worried about me no matter what I told her. Now it's just my siblings and I plus the family that I have that I'm not related to. Frequently, the bonds that you form with your friends are actaully deeper than the people that you are related to. It's been that way for me at least.

1

It depends so much on whether you have a happy, or at least comfortable relationship with your family. I have a close relationship with my children and grandchildren but I always had a rather distant relationship with my parents and their generation since that was the way they chose to be. We don't have any choice in our relatives, but we do choose our friends and I am closer to some friends than I am to most relatives. I can't see the point in staying close simply because people are blood relations, but if you have good relationships with family or friends they are worth working on and keeping.

1

All my family disappeared and I love it - I love the friends I have and do not miss family in the least. I love my grandchildren and children I am talking about the older generation who had mental health issues and were abusive - I am glad they are not here to make my life hell - i might have an older brother somewhere and he might be dead I don't know and don't care. friends are brilliant!

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Times have changed, I have little to do with my birth family.
My children and their friends are family to each other, many from broken homes.
These guys drop everythign for each other, someone has a problem they will fly across the globe to help, I have seen them send each other a few thousand dollars in one hit at a time of dire need. Families I have seen are not that good.

2

No doubt about it. I'm fairly close to my mother, very close to my ex wife, her kids and mine, and that's it as far as family goes. I'll never speak with nor see my father, and likely won't speak to anyone from that entire side of the family other than telling them, "No, I won't be attending the funeral" if I outlive them.

2

My family are mostly assholes but Ididnt choose them just like Ididnt choose to be here. my very few friends are more the people Ichoose. most of them are aquatances as they would drop you like a chocolate firegaurd for anything that seems better. my dogs are my best friends and family by far.

2

OMG! My "family" are a bunch of lunatics. Except for my one Aunt I would have been better off had I been raised by wolves. Some friends come & go, but some are my substitute or adopted family.

2

Well said. I'm single with no kids my brother lives in Tacoma. I'm all alone in the world. A friend can be much more valuable to people like us.

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My four siblings used to get together at my parents' farm, but after my parents passed, and the farm was sold, the siblings only get together for weddings.

They are all busy, and widely scattered, from Bethel, Alaska to PA, so visiting them would involve separate flights to each one, plus hotel bills.
They don't seem to like being bothered since they'd have to stop their life routines, job, activites, etc to entertain relatives.

On my part, I'd be horrified if any of them visited me, since I'd be forced to entertain and feed them for several days, and none of them eat the kind of food I do.
When people announce they are going to "visit you in Thailand" I quickly suggest nearby Thailand resorts, so they won't use me as a free hotel and cook. I don't even have a kitchen, and avoid eating cooked food. I didn't mind my daughter visiting me, though.

2

In the last year I lost both of my parents. This has made the relationship with my sister much more important and has brought the two of us closer. I agree that family is different than friends and am glad to have the family I have left.

I feel my bro and sis are closer and more important to me than my children.

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