Agnostic.com

26 13

Dating religious people

I started talking to someone who was christian (I'm not religious) I told him from the beginning what my beliefs was. We meet and stuff. He tells me He believes God brought us together. I didn't say anything because I knew his faith and wasn't going to let religion get in the way. I go home and I text him asking if he remembered that I wasn't religious. He never replied back so I asked him what his deal was. He finally replied saying that he didn't want someone like my kind around his kids. That all we was were people corrupted by the devil and that I would just end up ruining his kids lives. Mind you that we met a few times even with the kids and Ive treated them like my own since the beginning. Never made them feel left out on anything. So my question is was I wrong that I blew the f up and told him while he is thinking I'm such a bad influence he should look in the mirror to see how well of a role model he is to his children. That all he was doing was teaching his kids to be judgemental a**holes like his self.

kristi0889 4 Oct 2
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

26 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

0

Religious people always bring invisible mythical beings into play. This is how they justify anything that they do. It is their way out of taking real responsibility.

Dump him and let it go.

7

I think you dodged a bullet with that one.
I've tried being involved with believers, it has NEVER worked.
When they start in with their bullshit (which they invariably do), I can't keep quiet about it.
Especially when they start attacking my non-belief, and telling me all
about myself and my character flaws because I am "without Jesus".
Yeah, they can fuck right off with that shit.

I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but at least I am firmly
rooted in reality, and don't believe in things that have NEVER existed.

5

Better to cut the ties now than get in deeper with such a bigoted, irrational man. Your anger was justifiable.

3

Don't overthink it, he's the asshole in the whole scenario. Lucky you that the relationship never materialized.

3

You are better off and did 100% the right thing! You cannot control someone else's small mind!

I'd tell him that you would much rather have a child who learns to think for themselves rather than being told what to believe.

3

I have seen it many times. Religious people divorce their nonreligious spouses. It happened to me when I left the Moron (Mormon) church. My wife took the children and disappeared. Later, I got the divorce papers. But I am happy that my integrity is intact, and I did the right thing, even if my wife's reaction was totally wrong.

3

Good job . . . tell them like it is . . . . it will save you a lot of trouble down the road. Just because there are assholes in the world does not mean you have to put up with them.

Oh no worries I won't. I'm not fixing to deal with some judgemental theist. The only ones I feel bad for is those kids.

2

I don't know you, but the scenario you described is classic passive aggressive on both of your parts.

Him expressing his religious beliefs is about him. Just as your non-belief is about you. But what you did when you, " I didn't say anything because I knew his faith and wasn't going to let religion get in the way.", but then, "I go home and I text him asking if he remembered that I wasn't religious. He never replied back so I asked him what his deal was."... is you did two things.

First, you did not immediately check or question his controlling behavior by addressing the statement. That statement was indirectly about you conforming to his viewpoint, but you were passive in the moment, although it obviously upset you, so the intent of his statement was not uncovered. But I would bet you had an idea.

Second, you never let it go, then got aggressive and basically attacked the man for not responding. Thats quite audacious considering you did not respond to his indirect manuever until also indirectly responding yourself. You also assumed (correctly) that he was upset and there was not simply a misunderstanding.

That leads me to conclude that there was always at least some tension over this topic that was never stated or resolved until this point. All of these areas could have been ironed out up front with frank and honest conversations about intentions and deal breakers. But the passive aggressive thing to do is to not address sensitive issues in the hopes of not upsetting the other person while continuing to benefit or attach. Which usually leads to things ending uglier than necessary.

Case in point.

Moral? Upfront and open conversations about intentions and deal breakers is always greater than trying to tip-toe around the pussy willows. Especially when dealing with people who do not want to discuss these things and instead communicate indirectly by weird methods like speaking through gods.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

SCal Level 7 Oct 3, 2019
2

Be glad you dodged that bullet.

Deb57 Level 8 Oct 2, 2019
2

Your reaction seems legit, but he will probably use that outburst as confirmation that he was correct all along.

At least you figured out early-ish that his religious beliefs were going to be an issue for him.

2

Yeah, as if church goers are all automatically good people. Like the rest of the population, some are, some aren't. You dodged a bullet by finding out sooner rather than later. You could've wasted a lot more time and emotion chasing down that trail.

2

Nothing necessarily wrong with someone just because they are religious. Always 100% something wrong with someone that tries to tell you that god brought you together. Instant red flag! lol

The old, god brought us together...spread your legs, trick.

1

Just get over it and move on.Dating religious people is scary. They go all out being judgmental. Bad!

1

Firstly, you did exactly the right thing by calling him out. I dont know precisely what happened to turn him. Either he expected some kind of divine light to fall on you after his statement about god bringing you two together or his church cronies went to work on him. Possibly a combination of both. The thing about these hypocrites is that they talk the talk but dont walk the walk. "Thou shalt not bear false witness". "Do not attempt to remove the straw from your neighbors eye.." "Let he who is without sin". Seem to hold no meaning to the bigotry of tribal religions.

I wonder myself why so many religious people are like this (Christians are the main ones) It clearly states that judging others is a sin but I guess since a main quote is "no sin os greater than the other" meant he could do what he wanted because sky daddy will forgive him

@kristi0889 Christianity is pretty much unworkable as a philosophy. Everyone falls short of the impossible standards that are imposed. "The thought is father to the deed" therefore just fancying someone else is as much of a sin as adulatory etc. So if you miss the target all the time, you don't really consider all of your actions.
Then there is the partisan nature of religious sects. My favorite new testament parable is the good Samaritan. I had the occasion to recall the story to my Jewish gf on the very road in Israel where it is set. (She had never heard the story before) After that I did a little research and found out who the Samaritans were. They still live in the area and although they celebrate the passover, do not attend temple. This means that at some time they were Jews that fell out with the established church. Consequently the Jews looked upon them as a whole tribe of Benedict Arnold's. Yet JC choose a Samaritan to be the hero of the tale. That part of it is never put over in any church teaching that I know of.

1

So lets address the "He believes God brought us together". Obviously he was wrong and missed God here. Wonder what else he could be missing "God" on.

1

Sounds like a lucky escape. How do you feel about dating someone who is religious now? Try again and give that idea more chances or you’re done trying to date religious folk and think it’ll never work.

For me someone being religious is not an issue. I try to look at how they are as a person. Not by what they believe in. For all I care they can worship a bag of trash (it'll be weird) but if they're a good person despite that then thats what matters to me.

But I'm probably just going to find a non religious person. One thats like minded as myself. It'll just make things easier for the both of us; and plus they can't use religion as an excuse

@kristi0889 Hi, I'm a non-religious guy, and I just want to say my excuses are much more creative.

@kristi0889 Your post is the one I like the best. As long as both party respect each other views and are honest it can work.

0

You were not wrong but you can't really change religious people.

0

Sounds like you were right to be upset. I suppose it can work with some couples, but it is tough even when mixed religions. The “my god is better than your god” always pops up.

0

That xian bastard is threatening children AND YOU with hell forever....you did nothing wrong to give children neighborly attention but was wrong to make nice with a nazi xian....don't date any more of them unless they are ultra liberal like Quakers for world peace.....he is a liar only wanted to fuck you

0

I went through the same thing with a religious woman ten years ago. I wish I'd told her the things you told him.

I hope you don't mourn this relationship too much. You should be glad you aren't with the arrogant prick.

JimG Level 8 Oct 2, 2019
0

Wow!!! Great judgement from his side. How come many religious people mistake the need of having values and the need of having a religion /believe in God? I think people many times don't know how to diferenciate these two things...

0

Religion is made up of equal parts of love and hate, either of which can manifest itself at any given moment.

Too scary for me.

No, religion is guilt and fear. "I love you and will torture you forever if you disobey me," is not love.

0

You learn a lot from talking to another religion .. but do not let it stick - use it to rebuff.

0

You're a lucky woman! You have lucky don't carry on a relationship with this animal, there are many religious and unbelievers men who respect anothers people faith or unfaith.

0

One of the best parts of no longer believing in God is being able to lose my shit at people every now and again and not feel like I'm going to be eternally damned for it. Feels good sometimes. Well done.

0

Run away. Run far away from him and don't look back. There are so many underlying things he said, without saying, that the religious stuff is just bluster. Don't let him back in.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:409335
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.