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19 21

A joke for believers.... it's actually kinda funny:

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know crap?”

And then she went back to reading her book.

MrLizard 8 Mar 24

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19 comments

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1

I've been telling this joke for over 50 years. In my version, it's a guy at a bar talking to the bartender, and the existence of God does not enter into the setup. But the fact the joke was repurposed indicates it's a good joke. You can always repurpose the good ones.

0

Typical of believers. She assumes intellectual superiority, belittles contrary opinion, disregards fact, changes the subject, and finally ignores the topic.

You don't have to be an expert on the digestive processes of various herbivores to know shit when you see it.

JimG Level 8 Mar 25, 2018
0

I have a friend who is a scatologist, and he is a Christian. So....

0

Nice joke. On a serious note, crap is just a shitty nitty gritty. I for sure know more about theology than I know about shit.

Also, a language reflects its culture. There are scores (if not hundreds) words for snow and ice in the Intuit language, about 1500 words for camel (and I don't know what form camel dung takes) in Arabic. The single matter for which there are more synonyms in English than any other is shit. And so many of them consist of 4 letters.

Food for thought!

2

Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List

• Taoism: Shit happens.
• Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
• Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
• Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
• Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
• Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
• Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
• Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
• Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
• Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
• Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
• Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
• Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
• Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
• Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to
another
• Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
• Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
• Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
• Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
• Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
• Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
• Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
• Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
• Creationism: God made all shit.
• Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
• Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
• Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
• Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
• Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
• Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
• Darwinism: This shit was once food.
• Capitalism: That's MY shit.
• Communism: It's everybody's shit.
• Feminism: Men are shit.
• Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
• Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
• Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
• Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
• Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
• Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
• Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
• Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
• Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
• Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
• Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
• Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
• Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
• Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
• Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall
survive its happening.
• Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
• Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
• Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
• Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
• Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
• Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
• Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
• Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
• Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
• Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
• Atheism: What shit?
• Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
• Nihilism: No shit.
• Narcisism: I am the shit!

!!WoW!!, Great!

WOW!!!

This deserves a post of it own, dude!!!!!

0

This was posted a few weeks ago

2

An atheist, a vegan, and a CrossFitter walk into a bar.

I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

@MichaelThompson

Hopefully you're not a vegan or crossfitter or else we'd never shut you up! LOL 😀😀

1

Hahahaha

1

😀😀😀

Betty Level 7 Mar 25, 2018
3

That was funny.

1

Yep. That is cute. Made me chuckle.

2
9

Agree with the others that the characters need to be reversed.

It is really not believable that an atheist would attempt to proselytize to someone, especially a little kid.

A "born-again"on the other hand? Being alone with an unaccompanied child would be irresistible low hanging fruit.

"It is really not believable that an atheist would attempt to proselytize to someone, especially a little kid."
I find it believable.
So does this joke.


An atheist, a vegan, and a CrossFitter walk into a bar. I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

3

Good one.

3

Lol very good ha ha

6

I like that joke. Might have to tweek it a bit to make it read that a believer wants to start the conversation with the little girl.

I find it refreshing that the girl is an agnostic, chastising the atheist for talking about things they don't know about. Replace atheist with theist and the joke plays the same since both the theist and the atheist "don't know" and the little agnostic girl rightfully points that out.

5

I may use this one, will have to change the wording some.

3

I agree. That was funny.

4

Lol! That is funny 😀

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