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Estranged family?

Does anyone else deal with having an estranged family? I struggle with this every day. My mom insists that I should be a part of the family. But I get my good energy and positive vibes from my best friends that I have surrounded myself with. My family just brings me down. Anyone else have this issue?

Labicicleta 4 Mar 30

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35 comments

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6

Hell yes. Haven't talked to my sister, or brother, in well over 30 years.
Don't even miss them anymore.
The family I cultivated is WAY better.
Blood means nothing. Family are the people who know you best, love you anyway, and
ALWAYS have your back.

6

2 brothers and one sister, all pretty much dislike me because of the atheist thing, mom's still here and not bothered by the atheist thing, it's how I know what the rest are up to.

4

Yes. I have two brothers, who I do not speak with or see.

They suck.

4

Have had it for years upon years...with 5 children with their wide range of personalities and sometimes even the agreeable ones...go rogue on me! Then lots of mental illness in my family of origin! I can love people from, afar...where is it written that we must suffer by being with people that are hard to deal with on a regular basis? I can take anything in small amounts...so that is what I do!

3

Some of my family are estrange, some estupid, and some estoo far away to deal with.

3

Absolutely! When I am around family, it's drama. I DON'T do drama. My life family is very carefully chosen people.

3

My parents are dead. I haven't seen my sister whom lives 9 miles from me in a year and a half. I also have little to do with my extended family. I wish I had a better relationship with them.

2

yes. i moved far away so i don't have to revisit this issue. i hand picked my friends and family. it is far less toxic to me and my life this way. just because we share some genes , does not mean i have to talk to you. mothers and sisters included. father is dead. my aunt and passed away grand mother are and were inspiring and a posotive influence on my life. so i pick and choose who i call family., the rest can go pound sand.

2

Yep, but for me it isn't a struggle. I cut them off and we all seem to be happier for it, as none of them have tried to contact me, either.

2

My oldest brother’s a jerk and, since he sided with my wife in our divorce, I haven’t spoken to him. That was 11 years ago.

weird families, my family sided with my ex, and hers sided with me.

@Rugglesby did yours give evidence in court against you?

@Gatovicolo No, but she did use evidence obtained from family to use against me,but in reality it wasn't evidence against me. Her argument was that because I was beaten as a kid, my kids were at risk. She lost of course, but geez, it cost me so much, and I didn't pay for a lawyer as I couldn't afford one. I am just so lucky the police and the police prosecutor investigated thoroughly. They quizzed everyone my ex had claimed had told her things, she made many false statements and was caught out, warned but sadly not charged.

2

I'm not close with a lot of my family. I wish I were. I don't know why many of them seemed to have shut me out. My father was not a good guy, and I sometimes wonder if they think because I'm his son that I must have inherited his bad traits. I certainly haven't - in fact, I used them as guideposts on how not to live life. I'm close with my sister, so I'm really thankful for that at least.

2

Me and my family have a deep-seated stupid but not on my part feud going on that has kept us separate so I only talk to my mum as shes 86 but flits between me and them. when she's gone they are gone. fuck them all. you can't choose your family.

2

I've been an Atheist all my life. I've also been a loner most of my life even during three marriages. I'm alone, now, and on Social Security. Plus, I'm homeless and live in a temporary shelter.
I don't think I'm a bad person. Anti-social perhaps, but I'm not an ogre.
I kind of like being alone (independent), but I don't like the loneliness of my life (existence.)
There has to be someone somewhere that could be my friend and/or partner in life.

I want to be your friend. I'm super busy most of the time so sometimes you won't get a response immediately but just know that I am there and I care. I know things can be hard at times.

2

I have my mom and my sister left. I talk to my sister at thanksgiving and Christmas and that's about it. I've tried to connect with her but she's just not interested.

2

My mom passed away when I was 18, and never had a relationship with any of my dads past then. I have two brothers, one died a couple of years ago and the other brother is on the same journey as myself, away from religion. So that's been nice.

I believe that I could never go back to religion, it seems unnatural, somehow! Welcome to this forum, as I see that you are new!

1

I think when you have family whose core values are just not good, it sort of just happens naturally where even if you see them at the gas station or grocery store you can honestly say that you could care less about saying hi or even waving at them. Funny thing because I just saw my uncle this afternoon and ive talked to him once in like 6 years and had no intention of going up to him. The bicycle ?? Lol ... your username

ha ha the nickname is a long story but was given to me several years ago by a friend, mainly due to my love of latin culture

1

You can't choose your family but you can't choose your friends . I used to think that meant you had to like them ....hell no it doesn't it means you have the choice to surround yourself with better people . My family sucks donkey dick one half are rugby fanatics the other army boys ....me a long haired metal head so have nothing in common with any of them

I'm a short haired metal head but I see your point lol

1

Yes. The less contact I have with my family, the better off I am. You don't need to struggle with it or allow your mother to manipulate you. Do what you need to do for you.

1

My family always brought me down. They were too controling. Today I am a basic homeboy even though I work with the public Monday thru Friday. Dad is in a nursing home and my mom is dead. My daughters try to understand how I am and why. Sometimes I visit them or eat with them but mostly I am a recluse. The funny thing is that they both seem to act a whole lot like I do with the difference being they still have children at home.

1

Yep. My brother moved he and his family 1000 miles away, and cut off all contact. Even returned Christmas presents I bought for my nephews. I didn't reconnect with my nephews for nearly 20 years, when they moved back into the area. Still don't have a relationship with my brother, but I'm glad to have the nephews back (and one just had his first child born last Monday!)

wow! returned the presents! do you miss him?

@Labicicleta Not at all. I did see him a couple years back, when my nephew got married. I was able to avoid him most of the day.

I worry that my nephews will try to reconcile things between us. I have zero interest in doing so.

1

I don't associate with my mother or any of my siblings.

1

All I have are a sister, 2 uncles (+ 1 aunt by marriage) and 4 cousins, not counting the extended. I talk to my sister fairly regularly but I tend to try and avoid most of my local (Texas) family since we don't agree on much of anything, especially religion and politics (they are right wing Christians). I'd like to see my uncle (+ aunt) and 3 cousins that live in Kentucky & Virginia more, but I just don't get much of a chance.
I'm generally much happier with the friends I've chosen as family so I really don't feel like I'm missing much in the blood department.

1

My mom and dad are dead and my two older brothers could care less about my homelessness or atheism.

0

Is there guilt involved? My mother will try guilting me into talking to family members.

0

Most of my family are independent introverts. I love them all, but I too get my energy drained when I am around them.

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