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Should women still act like women and men like men?

What I mean with this question is should the man be the one pursuing the woman and should women still be feminine and enjoying being courted?
Because of equality the lines have gotten so muddled that men sometimes feel insecure and women feel they have to be very strong. What is your guys take on it?

Lovewins 5 Mar 30
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85 comments

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1

In the past , women had little choice , in getting with the man she wanted . Yes she could flirt , if given the opportunity , but , it wasn't lady like to approach a man . Basically , she was left with only the accept or reject portion of a relationship , and even today , a man who is rejected , may feel he was shamed and depending to a large extent on his culture , may feel he has the right to punish or even kill a woman for rejecting him . In some cultures , the parents still arrange marriages , and the couple may not even meet the intended until just before the wedding . Hopefully , the parents will have what is best for the intendeds in mind , but unfortunately , it may have more to do with finances , or how the parents will profit , rather than if the intendeds are compatible . Today , in this country , more women are able to make their own choices , and can readily approach a man she may have an interest in . That doesn't mean she's going to get what she truly wants in a relationship . Men frequently turn down a woman , because he feels she's too aggressive , or he may think she's only interested only in a sexual encounter , and sometimes that is exactly what she wants .

12

As many others have already stated, let's let people be themselves. Let's drop outdated expectations of how particular genders should or shouldn't behave. Let's let people find love in their own ways--ways that make them feel comfortable.

Mea Level 7 Mar 31, 2018

Exactly. Love is love. Do what is right for you.

11

I think people should just be themselves and not worry about old fashion dating rules. If a woman wants to take the first step, go for it, if you prefer to wait the the guy then fine. I have no problem with a woman taking the first step. Some men are shy but may still make a great partner if you make the effort to get to know them. What is in a man or woman's heart is more important than who takes the lead in the relationship.

10

People should just be people. Too many people put a focus on gender for too many things. Just do you.

10

I met my wife ex wife in a club, back in the eighties, she approached me. I say if you see someone that you are attracted too, seize the opportunity, because it may not come around again.

All too true!

@JasonWikander......We were married for 24 years and we are still really good friends. Being my ex has nothing to do with it.

10

We should all just be how we're comfortable being.

Deb57 Level 8 Mar 31, 2018
10

I don't mind aggressive women in the least, but I am terrible with rules.

Most of the women I've dated made the first move. After my divorce, I didn't really pursue relationships as much as I just kind of ended up in them. When I initiated anything, it was disastrous, but when I left that up to her it usually went well.

JimG Level 8 Mar 31, 2018
9

Everyone should act how they wish to act with no regard to gender roles. That's why I'm a feminist.

Jnei Level 8 Mar 31, 2018

Perfect

Nailed it.

9

Mmmm very interesting What defines a man or woman other than a social construct of gender and prescribed roles initiated by who? I like the idea of self-identifying your own gender or not. I think maybe undoing gender is a good idea. I'm not comfrotable with societal definitions about who or what makes a person a man or women. I identify as a woman and have likes and dislikes.

8

I think the equality of sexes is more about respecting the autonomy of women. Some men were never taught how to do that, and think it’s a juggling act. Men just have to get used to not all women being receptive (which is kinda the point, right?). If a woman wants to make it easier, don’t drop hints, send a bat signal.

Marz Level 7 Mar 31, 2018
8

People ought to act however they want, irrespective of gender stereotypes. Also I think more people should try not to be assholes as often.

7

I think we should all act like who we are. The entire "act like" thing is societal pressure. I say screw societal expectations. Accept me as I am or fuck off. I'm a human who is made up of emotions, experiences, morals, and I will not conform to societal pressure. It's easier since I turned off the TV over 20 years ago. I'm not inundated with forced pairing expectations. Sometims I'm insecure (not very damned often) and that's okay. Be the change you want to see in society.

7

Nothing has really changed for me as I never acted like a creep to begin with. I have pursued and been pursued. I am just me.

7

Which women? Which men?
Pamela Anderson? Ruth Bader Ginsberg? Mother Teresa?
The Pope? Vin Deisel? RuPaul? Tom Cruise?
Generic labeling does not work for me or anyone else!

The Anthill Mob ?

7

I’m not as concerned about who makes the first move as who makes the second, third, and fourth. I’d like to hear other people’s experience on this but it feels to me that no matter who starts the ball rolling the guy is expected to take it from there. Seems to me things should balance out into some reasonable reciprocity fairly early on (for my taste; not suggesting for everybody). That would be most comfortable for me. An equal.
Traditional roles are Mac & Cheese, but equality is a balanced diet.

skado Level 9 Mar 31, 2018
7

That sounds like a good plan. Not been going so well lately. I’ve mostly just been wondering if my time is done with regards to growing a relationship. It’s hard to pull myself up from discouragements floor.

At 65 I'm wondering the same thing. But then I am learning to live with my limitations. The bold and sassy playful being is still there but the body is failing me - LOL.. Complete intimacy is limited because I will not do hormone replacement and I am always up front with that. Finding compatible friends is always worth the effort. I hav eyet to complete my profile as I don't really know what to say about myself.

@silverotter11 I was just looking at your profile. Is that your artwork? The jewelry? All that work is incredible. I’ve found it to be hard to write about myself with too much transparency, because Of confronting my own feelings like the one above. I guess that’s why most of my post responses are sarcastic, self deprecating, or just silly, I just prefer to laugh. Yeah, I have some of the limiting factors from my end, but if my memory serves me, I did like intimacy.?. A pleasure to meet you.

6

Since most men, me included, can't fathom how to connect, I think there would be more connecting if women took over 😉

SamL Level 7 Mar 31, 2018
6

Gender roles are ridiculous and outdated. They served a purpose - possibly - in caveman times, but the industrial and informational revolutions have made them mostly obsolete. I do believe that we will see them decline in the next few generations. I certainly know that teenagers today see gender roles and gender identity as more spectrum-based than binary.

6

Adapt or die. Alone.

6

Be as you feel but don't let it be a surprise. If I'm approaching you because I think you're shy and suddenly you've taken control, I'm probably going to back off.
If you're dominating and approach me then suddenly are standing there like a deer in headlights, id think you just broke something.

I have no problem with the female taking the wheel but don't stop in the middle of the road expecting me to tell you where to go in this adventure.

I may have missed the perfect partner because I didn't know or couldn't read the signs she was interested. I think we should break barriers and say things like, Hey, I am interested in you and go from there.
Mind you one must expect and respect rejections.

You'll never know if you don't ask, right?

6

The stongest economies in the world are countries that have the greatest freedom and respect for women. Countries that keep women barefoot and pregnant are 3rd world countries.

..or on their way to becoming one.

@ailurophile Yes ...you are correct. Countries that do not allow women to participate in the economic activity are wasting a very important human resource.

6

I don't believe it has really changed that much. It could be generational. Occasionally a woman will make the first move for lack of a better word. I never have had a problem with that. Just be who you are. I don't like men or women who try to act tough to show you how strong they are. BORING!

5

No one should "act"......you should just "be", yes? This question bugs me in many ways.

Me too!

5

Lots of great comments. Apparently the whole dating, relationship or progreation dilemma has not changed much. At 65 the issues are the same, terms may have changed but the game is the same.

I have always been a bold, friendly and sometimes sassy person who is female. But a 'tomboy' at heart and prone to not following the stereo typical girl stuff. NOT a girly girl. When I dated as a young sexually active person, I did not so much go on dates when someone paid. I did resent it if the guy paid and he thought something in exchange was at the end of an evening.

I have to admit it was ALWAYS a challenge. I found when I was in the long term relationship, being my out going sassy self was less complicated. Seems direct eye contact is confusing for all of us on some level. Culture plays a role and adds to the complications.

I say just be yourself, discover yourself and talk, communicate.

Love your comment and I can relate.

5

I would not expect anyone to be something they are not. These social norms you are talking about are just that, older social norms which are being challenged by younger generations. I don't think that's a bad thing. Where is it written that men have to pursue and women have to sit and wait to be pursued? gag If I like someone, I talk to them. I date men and women and I think a lot can be gained by learning to both pursue and be pursued. Women are enculturated to wait and wonder while men decide to ask them out. Look at lesbian culture and you will see that this can be done away with when the expectations are gone from such enculturation.

5

Ew gender roles

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