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Do you use texting when you're in a fight with your significant other?

I hate to text to start with but when I'm in a disagreement with someone texting is a path to disaster. Am I wrong?

paul1967 8 Apr 2
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32 comments

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0

I've even accidentally "sent" a few.

8

My ex did and I hated it. I've got nothing against texting in general and sometimes you need a little bit of distance when emotions are high. But he used to write several PARAGRAPHS explaining his position, and I don't like having to respond one letter at a time on a 5 inch screen. Some things need to be said face to face, or at least by phone.

7

I don’t like it. I prefer to talk. It’s really easy to text awful things you’re not bold enough to say. Cowardly.

7

I won't use texting in an argument with anyone.

5

My ex-wife would go on for paragraph after paragraph in text messages when we were arguing and then demand I "speak to what she said" like it was a damned book report. I actually called it that once and she got super offended. She even kept it up while we were divorced and afterwards because she couldn't deal with the fact that I left the marriage. I still have them. I've contemplated writing a book about my experiences with her because of how nutty she was.

5

Actually works the other way around for me with one of my daughters. We are both strongly opinionated (the apple does not fall away from the tree, right?), so we cannot talk. Texting allow us to set the pace and say to each other whatever we are discussing at the time. None of us can cut each other off while texting so it works for us. So just a quick success story where texting usually saves the day..... Cheers !!

I’d thought the same! ..as it seemed there was a point with my teenage daughters where texting was their only language, and how we’d ‘best’ communicate.. They still appreciate my brief, yet to the point texts … as opposed to their mother’s run-on paragraphs 🙂

5

No, you are so right. Text can so eadily be taken wrong. Not only that, you miss things like body language, expressions, tone, all things we use to interpret the meaning and emotion of the conversation.

5

My previous significant other and I are still texting back and forth - we can not talk - it gets too heated - so texting is the only way either of us can be heard - to try to get closure. It's time consuming, but then again, there is a record of what was said for later reference.

For the last 4 years of our relationship, fights were only conducted via text. He would not stay and discuss anything, but would pack up and leave at the slightest disagreement and then text, text, text for hours and days. No wonder it didn't work out - and we're finally done - well except for these texts that are getting fewer and hopefully will dwindle to none soon.

This has been my only relationship since "texting" was a thing, so this is all I know about it.

4

Never did ‘fights,’ but she definitely used texts to communicate her intentions, both good & bad. I’d respond, of course … and it had better have been timely! Snippets of thought can be very misinterpreted, though ...memories 😕

Varn Level 8 Apr 3, 2018
4

No... it's always face to face with my wife on disagreements. I need to know when enough is enough. I don't want it to be hurtful.

3

So much is lost in a text. I need to be face to face. Look at the face expresions, tone of voice, eyes movement. Well text is not my thing.

3

No thankfully I have never ever owned a mobile phone and never want one - I would say one ot one is usually a good idea as you can correct as you go.

3

I completely agree. I love to text, actually, but I try not to argue via text because if I'm gonna be an asshole, I need them to see the nonverbals and hear the tone of my voice to appreciate just how MUCH of an asshole I'm being ?

LMAO, that's a little scary, but I absolutely love the honesty of it.

3

IMO you are not wrong (I'm not crazy about texting either. We're rare nowadays. ?).
The last time I had a significant other, he was older and, was technically challenged, to say the least. So, my answer is no but if I am lucky enough to find another significant other, I hope the answer is still no. I've had disagreements with friends and family via text (usually because of distance) but I don't like it and prefer discussing in person even if short breaks are required.

3

i don't think you're wrong. texting is a bane, & i'd like to only use it to fix a meet.

3

It can be, but I text in times when I want to yell but not be degrading to whom ever I'm arguing with. I was yelled at by my mom so when I get mad that comes out...

2

I don't use texting for any kind of communication involving important, deep emotional issues and I expect the same courtesy from people I know.

2

Nothing beats direct verbal communication.

2

Texting has its place in a difference of opinion or an argument. It is easier to remain on topic, and keep it from devolving into 'Fuck You! Well fuck you too! No, fuck you!', and so on. 🙂

Does it? I mean no disrespect but I see it the other way around. If I see the impact my words have on the other person I'm far more likely to back down. But, everyone is different, so maybe it's how it's done, I don't know.

@paul1967 I don't really use it often in that way, but too often in face to face discussions it is difficult to get to your point without interruptions and digressions. In a text or in the olden days a letter, you can state your position without getting side tracked. 🙂

2

In my last relationship, my ex's primary form of communication was texting. I hated texting. It was a great way for her to drag out what could've been short arguments or disagreements (over the phone) into hours and/or day-long wastes of time But I played along, so I guess I'm as much to blame.

Now, I avoid texting as much as possible with people I know. I just call them mid-text.

2

No, but on some issues, I preferred email because in discussions, I'd get overwhelmed,unable to process all of the data, angles, etc, and/or I'd forget important points. With email, it'd give me time to read, and most importantly, ponder & process.

MikaB Level 5 Apr 3, 2018

I can see an advantage to that for sure. I can also see how it can drag out an issue over long periods of time and create its own problem. The disconnect that exists with text or email is with the loss of the visual and or auditory impact that our words have on that other person. We say things in texts/emails unaware of the other person's emotional, physical response and instead of backing down we plow forward quite unaware of how what we just said impacted the other person.

This just popped up on my FB page. Hmm.

[introvertdear.com]

2

After I tell her to stop texting but she goes on and on about something I'm not willing to pursue I make up fake girlfriends that are just pulling in that are much younger, thinner, bigger boobs, smaller butts that just love doing disgusting things with me. She hated the fictional Donna for months.
She still bugs me by insisting on settling her problems with text, never face to face. I keep making up new girlfriends.

Wouldn't it b easier/more ethical 2 just block her? I'm not talking crap on u or anything, I've done some pretty low things 2, but that just seems like a waste of ur time. Again, not trying 2 judge, but this kind of thing always made me curious as 2 what the reasoning behind the decision was

@Byrd
Not at all. We've been really close friends for 11 or 12 years now. Her habit of arguing about things she imagines happens by text is the problem otherwise she's a peach. We get along great in person.

@Anonbene oh, I gotcha! I misunderstood and just thought it was a toxic person. We all have our hangups, I suppose text arguing isn't as bad as it could b, lol. Thank u for not taking offense at my question, lol, sometimes I upset people but I'm just curious about what is going on in folks heads I guess

@Byrd
No problem at all. You see? Even here we can be taken out of context or misunderstood. But in her case she will come up with something right out of left field so I entertain myself with tormenting her for days or weeks.

I think my next made-up girlfriend will be named Byrd. Do you mind being the next fictitious lady that can't help herself and throws herself at me? I could post excerpts here by way of critique of my fiction writing but it could get a bit spicy for this crowd.

No names will be changed because no one is innocent. ?

2

trouble

2

Most of the time I fight anyone over text. Its just that I have a lot more argument than time

1

Yes sometimes but usually no

1

Not being in a relationship now, I have never texted anyone, but hindsight is 20/20, and I did raise children in the texting age.
This is what I have taught my children to do when they were dating.

Sunsetting our Relationships:

Maybe it is a time of romantic adventure.
Perhaps the two of you met while traveling and the time that you have rogether is limited.
Or perhaps someone has to move far away.
Maybe we are friends, or a child is moving across country, so it's not really a like breakup, but the dynamics of the relationship that you have with that person is about to change.
Or both of you had a great time, and things simply ran their course.
Maybe it was a deeply felt romantic relationship that didn't work out.
Perhaps someone that has played a significant role in your life and has fallen into ill health, and their time on earth is short.
Whatever the case, it had meaning that was emotionally significant, and it cannot last.

We have a responsibility both to them and to ourselves, to make it a point to meet with them if at all possible to say goodbye in person.
Between casual and serious, 'situationships' that sit in the middle of life is full of gray zones.

"Situationships"
For these situations, it's just wrong to do nothing at the end.
If someone has an emotionally significant experience with someone, then it is out duty to honor the connection that was there.
These aren't really "breakups" but "Sunsets".
The term is taken from the product management buisness.
To 'sunset' a product is to end it gracefully.
Within the realm of contracts, a sunset provision means something will no longer be in effect after a certain date or event.

The "Handfastings" of a year and a day are an example of a "Sunset Clause".

To sunset a relationship is to honor it, and also bring it to a definitive conclusion.

The Benefits of Sunsetting a Situationship:

Ghosting leaves a bad taste in your mouth, but sunsetting is like blowing out the candles on a relationship cake.
Sunsetting helps create the space and closure needed to move on to the next step in your life.
Being ghosted by someone is confusing and it hurts. You may feel that you have a great connection, and suddenly they just disappear.
You wonder: What was I to them? Did what we have mean anything?
It can bring with it anger and bitterness.
Sunsetting can become a way of preempting the question: Did I mean anything to you? And it is also the karmic clarity to never make someone else go through that mental agony.
While it’s always difficult to initiate a conversation meant to end things, the gratitude that follows is well worth the pain. It is better to hear:
“Thank you for giving a damn.” or “I’m really glad we did that instead of just texting.” than bitterness.

Whether that’s on the giving or receiving end, it will help both parties will feel like a better human being after a sunset.
Another benefit of sunsetting your relationship is that you get to celebrate that something beautiful has happened.

How to Sunset a Relationship:

Sunsetting is less about methodology and more about intent.
Tell the person what you enjoyed about them. Tell them you appreciated their time and attention.
Depending on how long you were together, you can even keep it vague;
“It feels like our relationship has run its course, but I just wanted to say that I appreciated our time together.”

No need for criticism. No need to promise anything you can’t give. Only a message of a gratitude and recognition of feelings shared.

Sunsetting is like sending a letter through the mail. These days, it’s rare to receive, but regardless of the letter’s content, you always remember the person who sent it with fondness.
Figuring out the right words matters less than showing someone that you care.

Donna Level 6 Apr 3, 2018
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