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Online dating profile specifics.

It seems that it is inappropriate to mention sex at all on a profile. (Other than women saying they don't want a hookup or one night stand).

That is, I would like to specify that a potential partner would have a medium to high libido and have a few kinks or fetishes and at least be open to talkong about it. This isn't to say I am looking for a hookup, but is seems odd to me to find out on the 6th date that your partner isn't interested in sex at all, or conversely is into some really extreme stuff you're not comfortable with.

Should a polite and well worded paragraph on sexual wants, needs, desires etc. Be seen as a taboo?

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By Trihawk4
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29 comments

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5

Since I did not join to date I’ll say sex would be supper important to me, communication is a huge part of that... I believe you shouldn’t be having sex with people you can’t talk to about sex and everything else. It need not be an all revealing bio, it’s also fun to discover these things 1 on 1. It is possible to enjoy a night out, like the person and still not be compatable. The night out is still fun if you leave your expectation out of it.

5

Great googley moogley!!!!
I am SO damned glad I'm NOT here for dating.
It's a fucking minefield.

KKGator Level 9 Apr 10, 2018

@Shelton Indeed!

I was just about to tell you how pretty your eyes are too!

@JeffB Haha!

4

That's what you are there for. Of course you should mention something about the main reason . I would hate to find out at the first face to face meeting that my potential partner had a long history with sheep, for example, or needs to have the light off during intimacy.
So glad I am not here for dating.

3

I had a profile on a dating site & I specifically said "no 1 night stands, no FWBs, & no drinkers" . Jumpin Jesus on a pogo stick that was all I got. 1 guy said he wasn't a drinker, he was a "former alcoholic" which was a kinda red flag but he didn't come across weird & it turned out we had mutual friends. We meet for dinner h he ordered his 3rd whiskey neat to come with his entree. When I said, "I thought you didn't drink." He said, "oh i don't...not like i used to." That was the only date for him.

Others ended up dirty talking by the 3rd message exchange, revealing they were just looking for a hookup. Yup. Not so much.

3

If that's the only thing that's important to you that's your business. You know what's more important.
If you have certain requirements at least you know that about yourself.

3

I've seen a few dating sites that people actually advertise their sexual wants and desires, some are funny too, I think it works for some people. Yours truly not interested.

Fet Life?

3

That's what the getting to know you phase is for. I would think that your potential partner would know what you are about before they get too far into the relationship.

kiramea Level 7 Apr 10, 2018
2

Men and women approach the subject differently. It is not uncommon for a woman, who isn't even on a dating site, to open a message from an unknown man and find, that's right, The Unrequested Dick Pic. usually followed by "There ya go" as if they've jump started her car for her. And, we get a lot of them. All over the internet. So yeah, womin's is very touchy when it comes to comments on sex on profiles or directed at them.
So I would say, (and I am a woman, M R P are my initials), when you start your profile comments about your needs, think about your target audience. Want princess by day/slut by night? Talk to the princess. Polite, not vulgar. Want slut 24/7? Be vulgar, say exactly what you want. Either way, you'll piss someone off, that's a given.

MrPKitty Level 5 Apr 14, 2018
2

I am assuming we all adults and not any adult, adults with a very open mind, so for sure it will be okay.

2

I am the only one to vote that it's wrong, but let me clarify. I think it represents a poor message of who you are and what your looking for, if your intent is to find love, If you're looking for "wham-bam-thank-you-mam" then go for it, just get ready for a whole host of STD's

paul1967 Level 8 Apr 10, 2018

I want to foster an equally loving and intimate relationship and that won't work if their is already that level of incompatibility.

It's no different than asking if a person is religious, a smoker, hugely in debt or any other of a list of possible incompatibility issues.

This has nothing to do with getting laid.

@Bierbasstard I see your point. Fair enough. Maybe I took it to the extreme.

@paul1967 Not a problem. We all jump to conclusions sometimes.

2

Second.

Coldo Level 8 Apr 10, 2018
2

Obviously different strokes for different folks. If you are sexually active and the person that you meet has erectile dysfunction you should have stated you were sexually active in your profile and were looking to meet someone the same.

2

there are PM options

btroje Level 9 Apr 10, 2018

Private message? If so, how long does one wait to ask lest you be seen as a perv or only interested in sex?

I'd rather be upfront about it.

the thing I like about this site is it allows you to get to know people in a public setting then by PM if you wish.Call me old but people listing intimate attributes to be pored over like you are at a cafeteria or the produce department ultimately diminishes all of us.If you need to get that specific you can by PM. Privacy ,intimacy two good words. THis not from a point of view of being anti sex or prudish.

@Bierbasstard that would be up to your judgement

I also want to know. How long do you wait before bringing up sex? 100 messages? 200 messages? 500messages?

Is it time based? Or after the first platonic date you can text about sex?

@DrewHawkins how do you know when to bring up anything when you communicate with someone? On line is limiting. In person there is a lot of nonverbal information to use. It is a case by case thing. You could ask the person you are talking to.

Wouldn't asking, "Would it be appropriate for me to ask a intimate question?" Itself be an intimate question?

@DrewHawkins @DrewHawkins no one can answer the questions you are asking except the individual you are trying to connect with. In the two posts I have interacted with you on you have thrown up your own obstacles. At a point you just have to take a risk and learn from it if it doesnt work out Good luck to you

1

I just finished a related post on sexuality. In it, I implied men believe sex is a key part of a relationship, otherwise would be no more than a friendship. A sexual discussion should be allowed in the profile on dating sites. Now, a descriptive discussion of a sex act would be inappropriate.

2TuffTony Level 5 Apr 11, 2018

Some sites are ok with it, Plenty of fish deletes profiles with anything sexual in them...

1

... And then I went to check out your profile, and it was a plain vanilla sandwich on white. ?

MollyBell Level 7 Apr 10, 2018
1

I have to say that the one upside to LD dating/ relationships is that talking about sex seems easier by text or phone. And I think that the subject is brought up much sooner than when you are dating face to face. I like knowing what my partner likes or expects and if it is compatible with my own needs and expectations. The distance allows, at least for me, a comfort buffer where I can discuss sex much more freely. I can do that in person but will most likely be blushing. That's ok just seems odd for someone my age. ?

BeeHappy Level 9 Apr 10, 2018
1

Ok everyone just post the results of the bdsm survey.
[bdsmtest.org]

JeffB Level 6 Apr 10, 2018

I feel my results would prevent any chances of ever finding a partner ever.

== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
100% Exhibitionist
100% Submissive
100% Slave
100% Degradee
100% Voyeur
100% Rope bunny
100% Non-monogamist
97% Brat
97% Brat tamer
93% Experimentalist
80% Daddy/Mommy
75% Pet
73% Primal (Prey)
63% Boy/Girl
61% Primal (Hunter)
53% Masochist
21% Ageplayer
17% Vanilla
11% Sadist
11% Dominant
4% Rigger
0% Degrader
0% Owner
0% Master/Mistress
0% Switch

@BearsNPenn if only I was looking for a sub... And was gay. Ok nevermind

I tend to get that response a lot, @JeffB LOL

@BearsNPenn wait one second. You are a brat and a brat tamer? How does that work?

Man, when I took that thing my bdsm friends almost unfriended me. Too vanilla.

1

Having been in other dating sites all I can say is that if you start by immediately talking about sex then that's all you ever talk about. Make some polite small talk for a minute then ease into it

moonmaid Level 8 Apr 10, 2018
1

While sexual compatability is important in a relationship, you need to be careful in how you address it if you want to have a serious shot at getting dates. you don't want your page's bio to be a giant essay and you don't want to put a ton about sexual preferences on it or people will start to think your primarily interested in sex.

Katrik Level 7 Apr 10, 2018

This exactly, my initial profiles were very detailed. And 0 responses. None mention sex. But it's a critical part of any relationship to me, so it feels wrong to not bring it up sooner.

1

This question originates from a extremely detrimental relationship where one partner was asexual with no libido and expected their partner to remain loyal and monogamous. Then my first date out of the gate the girl essentially says she doesn't see herself sexually, and upon further probing, is also only interested in a platonic romance...

Trihawk Level 4 Apr 10, 2018

And it's best to get this out in the open sooner than later.

1

I will put something on mine when I place another one.

I asked a few women if the last profile (no sex mentioned) that I had was too long and they said no. They said that it was informative and probably weeded out a lot of people that I wouldn't have been interested in and vice versa.

At this point I don't have the time or patience to talk and/or date for weeks/months to find out that we would not be sexually compatible.

Exactly my point. My last relationship failed for this reason, and so did my last date. Discrepancies in libido and desire create a huge strain and it's stress I frankly don't want to experience again.

0

Well that's certainly better in conversation than just on a profile, because as stated CONTEXT matters.

Besides, most people don't bother reading profiles anyway.

0
0

As long as it's not illegal, I don't see a problem with being up front about what you want. My profile is very blunt, very honest.

0

Had to go with option 3

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